The night after posting on Weibo suddenly became extremely quiet. Perhaps it was because of my intense focus while recording, but the melody of “If You Want Me” kept echoing in my ears, making it hard for me to fall asleep. In an instant, I was drawn into an uncontrollable longing. I really wanted to see what she looks like now and hear the sound of her voice.
She has been gone for four months, and my longing for her has never faded with time. On the contrary, in every quiet night, I feel an agonizing pain. I really can’t get used to the absence of her by my side. Those nights when we could fall asleep in each other’s arms have become more precious than any valuable gem in the world, but I can no longer experience them…
I threw off the quilt, got up from the bed, and lit a cigarette on the balcony. Often, when my longing becomes uncontrollable, I stand here, gazing at the vast outside world, letting my consciousness extend towards a direction with no end along with the flickering lights. Only then can I temporarily forget Mi Cai and forget that I exist in this world…
…
It was another Friday afternoon. Leyao had come to Suzhou after a long time. She had been very busy lately, and I often saw her sharing updates about her film production progress and small behind-the-scenes clips on Weibo. At this point, the movie she invested in had already reached the middle stage of filming. She told me it would be released during the winter vacation season.
Leyao entered my office, casually tossing her handbag onto the sofa, then brewed a cup of tea from my premium tea leaves. I smiled at her unrestrained manner, but she completely ignored my smile. Holding her tea cup, she lay back on the sofa with her long legs casually resting on the coffee table and said, “I’ve read your recent Weibo posts… Can you stop pouring out your agonizing emotions on such a big platform?”
Her straightforwardness left me momentarily speechless. After a while, I replied, “I just sang a few songs… and you even shared them!”
“Yeah, I wanted everyone to see how desperately you’re acting!” Leyao teased me, then added, “Sigh! Even the mighty CEO Zhao Yang can’t escape the grip of love… But does that woman, who makes you think so painfully, also go to such great lengths to convey her current situation to you?”
I didn’t answer, only recalling that Mi Cai hadn’t sent any news for a long time. Meanwhile, I had already given a total of 17 business speeches across the country. Participating so intensively in commercial activities was not only to promote the commercial spirit of the “Artistic Path,” but also to let Mi Cai sense my existence… Unfortunately, the response I received was not significant!
Leyao seemed to already have her own answer, or perhaps my reply was no longer that important. She just lay comfortably on the sofa, enjoying her tea. I could tell that, at least at this moment, she was much lighter than me, not having to measure the distance of another person in a space with no answers. At this moment, her world only contained herself and the hot tea she was holding in her hands… Therefore, I preferred to describe her, who was completely unburdened, as “adorable.”
After a brief silence, I finally smiled and asked her, “Comrade, can you tell me why you’ve become so relaxed and happy?”
Leyao put down her teacup, stared at me for a while, and then replied, “Because there’s no love to look forward to… Because I have a beloved career to pursue!”
“Ah.”
Leyao stood up from the sofa, unwilling to continue discussing topics about moods. She changed the subject and said, “You should be finishing work soon, right? Hurry up and drive me to pick up the girl. I haven’t seen her for months, and I really miss her!”
“I still have an engagement tonight and can’t get away. Why don’t you go pick up the girl yourself? Here’s my car key.” I took the car key from my briefcase and handed it to her.
She refused to take it and said with a stern expression, “Zhao Yang, is this how you treat your friends?… I made a special trip to Suzhou, and you won’t even accompany me to pick up the girl. When did you start prioritizing social engagements so much? Are you giving up on being an idealistic young man from now on?”
I smiled helplessly, “What does socializing have to do with idealism? I really want to know how your brain works and how you can forcibly connect these two things?”
Leyao replied confidently, “Idealists only live in the ideal world they create, but socializing is like a knife, dissecting the ugliness of reality in front of you, showing you the hideous faces of insincere flattery. Isn’t that really disgusting?”
“Haha, you do have a point, but I’ve already gotten used to it… Living up to today, reality and ideals are no longer so distant in my world. Ugliness or disgust are things that definitely exist in this world. It’s like there must be some weeds in a garden, making the flowers look even more beautiful, right, dear Comrade Leyao?”
Leyao dramatically exclaimed, “Oh no, someone who’s good at brainwashing others has finally been brainwashed themselves… What a vivid case of karma indeed!”
The more she tried to provoke me, the less inclined I was to get angry with her. I once again handed the car key to her and gestured for her to come downstairs with me. She had no way to deal with my passive resistance, stomped her foot in anger, and then followed me… but couldn’t really hold a grudge against me, only reminding me to drink less alcohol and call her when I was done so she could pick me up.
…
This was a gathering of local entrepreneurs in Suzhou, an excellent opportunity to showcase myself and seek cooperation. During the event, I kept chatting with several executives in the real estate industry, hoping they would entrust their advertising business to Sima Advertising, which had completed its transformation…
After two hours of communication, finally two real estate companies were willing to try cooperating with Sima again. Of course, I had to pay a significant price for this, as the advertising fees we charged were far below the industry standard. But there was no other way, because Sima Advertising, which had long been trapped in a debt crisis, needed such an opportunity to stage a comeback. I also hoped that when Jian Wei finally woke up, she wouldn’t see a downsized version of Sima Advertising!
At ten o’clock in the evening, the gathering finally ended. I followed the crowd out of the hotel, and soon I heard the sound of a car horn from the nearby parking lot. I looked in the direction of the sound and quickly spotted Leyao waving at me with the car window down. Although I repeatedly said I didn’t need her to pick me up, she still came, unable to let go of her concern. She drove the car to my side, and I opened the front passenger door and sat down beside her.
Drunk and drowsy, I squinted at the buildings flashing backward outside the car window. I saw many city lights reflecting on Leyao’s face, revealing her inner loneliness. At this moment, she no longer had the ease and comfort she displayed when we met in the afternoon… Haha, both night and alcohol are the same, always tearing away the layers of helplessness and pain hidden deep inside a person… At this moment, I also felt that separation in life is more cruel than death. I really missed her so much, unable to stop longing.
It was still the same familiar railway tracks, still those trains with faces I could never remember, rushing past us in a flash… Feeling the wind casually blowing past us, I leaned against the car and lit a cigarette. Leyao sat on a small dirt mound not far away, resting her chin in her hand, gazing into the distance… The scene was the same as before, but our feelings were different. Leyao was waiting for a series of trains whose destinations were unknown the next moment, while I was waiting for an unreachable future. We took different paths and had different destinations, but our intersection happened beside these real railway tracks.
Finally, she spoke, “Zhao Yang, actually, this time I came to Suzhou because I wanted to ask you for a favor!”
Without thinking, I replied, “Of course, go ahead.”
“My movie will be wrapping up soon… I hope you can leave a back view in this movie!”
I was somewhat surprised by her request for me to make a guest appearance. After a moment of silence, I asked, “What plot does this back view involve?”
Leyao first looked at me, then smiled and replied, “It won’t be interesting if I tell you now. If you agree, just go with the crew to Weihai for a scene. Your part is very simple: you stand in the middle of the island with a guitar on your back, and your back view is reflected on the sea surface stirred by the ocean breeze together with the setting sun!”
“Will you be in this scene?”
“No, because my gravestone is on another island opposite to you…”
I reacted strongly, “This is a tragedy?… And it’s even a Korean drama plot!… Leyao, you should be careful! The style of Korean films doesn’t sell well in the domestic market anymore! What’s popular now in China are nostalgic youth emotional dramas… I really think designing the ending like this is a bit risky. First of all, it lacks urbanity and realism. If it were me, I would definitely set the final scene in the city lights, with the female lead releasing white doves in her hands and sighing that life is nothing but a flight without wings… Believe me, don’t let anyone die in your film. I don’t like this kind of tragic ending…”
“That’s just your opinion!… I think a movie can only be remembered by leaving irreversible regrets for the audience!”
“You’re such a little pervert… Don’t you know that Chinese people have a preference for happy endings?… And you should be even clearer, this movie is about box office, not your personal entertainment!”
Leyao completely ignored my excitement and said, “I seem to have everything in my life, but actually I lack everything, so I only like doing things I enjoy. As for the box office, you don’t need to worry about it because my films can’t possibly have bad box office results. This is based on my trust in the entire production team… You just need to answer whether you’re going to help or not. Don’t act like a screenwriter. You can’t even manage yourself in real life, how can you handle my movie characters? Isn’t that a joke?”
I had no words to answer. After a long time, I chose to support her persistence and finally nodded in agreement!… She smiled like she had just won a battle.
The summer night breeze blew away the dark clouds in the sky. The moon, like a shy girl, peeked out from behind a corner, casting some light onto the earth. We stayed silent in the night breeze. I didn’t know what she was thinking, but I was still trying to imagine a non-tragic ending for her movie…
After a long while, my phone rang in my pocket. I took it out, answered the call, and the next second I heard Yan Yan’s heavy breathing, filled with excitement in her voice. She swallowed hard, overwhelmed with joy, and said to me, “Zhao… Yang, Wei Wei is awake… Wei Wei is really awake…”
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