Chapter 183:

The Empress Dowager ultimately could not survive this time and passed away.

The entire palace was filled with grief.

Layue, as the Empress, had to manage many affairs despite her deep sorrow, forcing herself to remain strong.

Emperor Jing and the Sixth Prince were both extremely fragile.

Except for that one time during the smallpox outbreak, Layue had never seen the Emperor in such a state—like a soul had been lost. Understandably so, as mother and son had relied on each other for survival. Now that the Empress Dowager was gone, how could Emperor Jing not feel heartbroken?

Layue had long understood the preciousness of family bonds.

If it hadn’t been for the downfall of the Shen family, would she ever have attempted suicide?

Though Layue was deeply saddened, she remained strong. Yet, there were many women in the palace who lacked such strength.

Even Li Yanran had fainted from grief multiple times.

Layue well understood that Li Yanran was merely putting on a show, but even so, what did it matter? At this moment, she had no energy to deal with such matters.

What troubled her more was not the Emperor, nor the Sixth Prince.

In fact, the one she worried about most was young Yan Yu.

To Yan Yu, the Empress Dowager had not only been his imperial grandmother but had also taken on the role of a mother, raising and protecting him since childhood.

Yan Jia had joined the Empress Dowager’s side later and had recently moved to stay with Layue. He was also deeply saddened, but his grief was different from Yan Yu’s.

He didn’t speak, but silent tears kept flowing down his little face, making Layue even more distressed.

The three days passed quickly, and soon the Empress Dowager had been buried in the imperial mausoleum.

Looking at the visibly aged figures around her, Layue’s heart could not calm.

Life’s circumstances are always unpredictable.

She had thought the Empress Dowager would live as long as she had in her previous life, but she ultimately did not.

She had thought the Empress Dowager might strike against the Shen family again, but she ultimately did not.

She had even thought the Sixth Prince would harm her, but he did not. Not only did he not, but he had also helped push forward her coronation as Empress.

This life and the previous one were ultimately different.

These past few days, busy with the Empress Dowager’s affairs, she felt extremely exhausted. Yet strangely, despite her exhaustion, she found herself unable to sleep at all.

Tonight, Emperor Jing did not rest here. Layue got up, put on some clothes, and went to the side chamber.

Because she was worried about the two children, she had arranged for them to stay here.

Jin Xin, seeing her mistress rise, followed quietly and whispered, “Is there anything wrong, Your Majesty?”

Layue shook her head. “I just want to check on the children. You go back.”

Jin Xin looked and nodded in agreement.

Lifting the curtain, Layue walked over quietly.

Under the moonlight, she saw the young Yan Yu hugging his blanket, silently crying. Beside him, Yan Jia also seemed to be sleeping uneasily, his brows tightly furrowed, his little mouth pursed.

“Yu’er,” Layue softly called.

That tear-streaked little face turned toward her.

Layue’s heart ached terribly.

Seeing Layue approach, Yan Yu sat up.

Layue put a robe around him and carried him to the outer room.

“Mother,” his voice was soft and tender, slightly hoarse from prolonged crying.

Since Layue’s coronation as Empress, at Emperor Jing’s suggestion, all the children had changed how they addressed her.

Layue glanced at the still-sleeping Yan Jia and spoke softly, “Mother will take you outside to look at the stars.”

It was now June, and the weather was still a bit cool. Layue called for Jin Xin to bring large capes for both children.

Seeing the two sitting on the steps outside Fengxi Palace, Jin Xin hurriedly prepared cushions.

Layue turned back, “Jin Xin, go back. Don’t trouble yourself. I’ll sit with Yu’er for a while.”

Jin Xin nodded and left.

Wiping the tears from his little face, Layue looked up at the sky. The weather was clear tonight, and the sky full of stars was incredibly beautiful.

Yan Yu looked down at his feet, saying nothing.

“Yu’er, look at the stars in the sky.”

Following her voice, Yan Yu raised his eyes, looked at the sky, then back at Shen Layue.

“Aren’t they beautiful?”

The little boy looked back at the stars again, pursed his lips, and softly said, “Mm.”

“Do you remember what I told you? My mother was gone when I was very young.” As she spoke, Layue kept her gaze on the sky, not looking at Yan Yu.

Seeing her like this, Yan Yu also looked at the stars and replied, “I remember. You told me a long time ago.”

“You have a great memory, Yu’er. At that time, I was very sad when my mother was gone. My grandmother told me that those who leave us don’t really die—they go to the sky and become the brightest stars, watching over their loved ones. And we, as long as we look up at the stars, can see them. Look, though they are very far from us, they wink at us—they are telling us that they are watching over us.”

Yan Yu turned his gaze back to Layue. “Mother, your grandmother was lying. She must have tricked you because you were silly when you were little. My grandmother would never trick me. The Empress Dowager loved me the most.”

Layue smiled slightly, still not looking at him, maintaining her posture as she asked, “And how do you know she was lying? Did you talk to the stars? Did you ask them?”

“If the brightest star is our loved one, then we all see the same sky, the same brightest star. But that star can’t be everyone’s loved one.”

Layue chuckled and pinched his cheek gently. “But everyone feels differently. You think this one is the brightest, but I might think that one is. How do you know you’re not wrong? Haven’t you and Jia ever disagreed about this? It’s not that you or he are wrong. It’s just that you miss different people, so your feelings differ. The star that seems brightest to you will naturally be different.”

Perhaps Layue’s explanation truly convinced Yan Yu. He furrowed his brow, then also looked up at the stars, his little face full of sadness.

“Mother.”

“Hmm?”

“You don’t have to side with me. I know you’re just trying to comfort me, right?” A big tear rolled down his cheek.

Layue held him tightly into her arms, her heart aching. “Of course not. Mother isn’t comforting you. I’m telling the truth. Whenever we miss the Empress Dowager, we can just look up at the stars, okay?”

Yan Yu sniffled and answered, “Okay.”

“I miss my own mother. I miss the Empress Dowager. But they left me. Was it because I wasn’t a good child? That’s why they don’t like me anymore?” He began to cry.

These past few days had been extremely hard for him.

“Of course not. Yu’er is the best child. Everyone loves you. Don’t you remember what I told you before? Yu’er mustn’t think so little of yourself. If you do, not only will I be heartbroken, but your father the Emperor will be heartbroken too.”

“Father loves the younger siblings more…” He finally voiced his worry.

Layue didn’t react strangely to this but instead gently stroked his head, comforting him. “That’s only because the younger siblings are smaller. They need more care. When you were as small as them, your father loved you the same way. But as you grew up, you forgot those times. The younger ones will forget too. Whether it’s Jiaojiao or the little fourth and fifth children, when they grow up like you, your father will love the youngest ones the most again.”

Little Yan Yu leaned against Shen Layue’s body, continuing to murmur, “I mustn’t have been as mischievous as the fourth or as quiet as the fifth when I was little. Otherwise, the Empress Dowager wouldn’t have loved me the most.”

“Exactly. Little Yu’er was the best and the smartest.”

“The Empress Dowager was always so good to me. But I wasn’t a good child. I kept lying to her.” The little one fell into a state of remorse.

“Yu’er used to pretend to be sick?”

Yan Yu looked at Shen Layue in surprise. “You… you… how did you know?”

Layue smiled. “I figured it out myself. Yu’er wanted the Empress Dowager to pay more attention to you, so you pretended to be sick, right? Yu’er wasn’t naughty. I knew you were pretending, and the Empress Dowager must have known even earlier. Tell me, since she knew you were pretending but said nothing, why do you think that was?”

Yan Yu looked at Layue with confusion.

“She knew?”

Layue gently stroked his head. “Yu’er is just a child. How could a child’s actions ever be hidden from adults? The Empress Dowager loved little Yu’er the most. She naturally wanted little Yu’er to be happy. Little Yu’er isn’t a bad child. You just wanted your father to care more for you and visit you more often, right?”

Yan Yu nodded quickly. “Yes. Father was always so busy. But whenever I was sick, he would come to see me. So I really wanted to be sick. When I couldn’t be sick, I pretended.”

As he spoke, he lowered his head, gripping the hem of his robe.

“The Empress Dowager never blamed you. In her heart, you were the best child. She wanted you to grow up happy. Did you know that even when she was gravely ill, she insisted that I become Empress?”

Seeing his puzzled expression, Layue continued, “She said she hoped I could become Empress quickly, so that even after she was gone, there would still be someone to protect and care for you children. She said perhaps your father might have more children in the future, but in her memory, there were only you few. She wished for you all to grow up happily and healthily.”

“Mother…” a timid voice sounded.

Layue turned to see Yan Jia standing by the door, lightly dressed, looking at the two with tears welling in his eyes.

“Come here.”

Because the two had been talking, Jin Xin had gone back to the inner room and apparently hadn’t noticed Yan Jia waking up.

Layue pulled Yan Jia into her arms and wrapped her large shawl around him.

The three of them huddled together.

“I miss the Empress Dowager too…” he sniffled, tears falling one after another.

Yan Yu hastily wiped his brother’s tears and repeated what Layue had said.

Yan Jia’s eyes lit up. “Brother, is it true? Do they really become the brightest stars to watch over us?”

“Mm.” Yan Yu nodded firmly.

Upon hearing this, Yan Jia wiped his tears himself. “Then I’ll behave well. They’ll be happy seeing me behave well, right?”

Layue smiled and pulled the two children closer. “Yes. You both must behave well.”