Chapter 392: My Fairness

In the mountains, it’s hard to call for the fire department if a fire breaks out. Most people would choose to just watch.

If there happened to be a kind soul, they might try to fetch water from a well to put out the flames. Unfortunately, I had doused the place with kerosene—adding water would only make it more dangerous.

Soon, I heard violent coughing. Even the delicate “Golden Bean” couldn’t endure it, could she?

I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry.

Though I hold no deep grudge against you, for personal reasons, I can’t let you leave.

If you do, my crime will be exposed. No one can see me tonight, so you must die.

Premeditated murder is punishable by death, life imprisonment, or a fixed-term sentence of over ten years. In less severe cases, the sentence ranges from three to ten years.

I stood at the door, weeping uncontrollably. I didn’t understand why I felt so devastated.

I had finally “cured” my “illness” with my own hands—yet I was drowning in sorrow.

What kind of life is this…? Why must it be so unbearably painful?

The fire quickly engulfed the entire house. Through the window, I saw Golden Bean, her body ablaze, darting frantically inside. She knew too little—she didn’t drop and roll to smother the flames, nor did she crouch low to avoid the smoke. In that situation, she could only wait for death. I watched her stumble, lose consciousness, and then set the wooden beams alight with her own body.

Before anyone else noticed the fire, I slipped away to the village entrance, turned off my headlights, and left the mountains before causing any greater disturbance.

Only after carefully descending the mountain did I turn the headlights back on and speed away. Minutes later, I reached the town, found a roadside car wash, and paid thirty yuan to scrub the dirt from the body and wheels of my car.

I checked the time on my phone, parked by the roadside, and took out a sticker from my Jay Chou fan merchandise. I stuck it on my arm, then turned on a glow stick and snapped a photo of my arm.

“Tonight was truly wonderful.”

Yes, tonight was wonderful.

A boulder crushing me had plummeted into the abyss.

I hit the road again, still avoiding main routes, weaving through the village’s narrow paths. The night was pitch-black, and most of the village had no streetlights. It took me much longer to finally return to Chengdu.

By the time my car rolled into the city, dawn was just breaking.

The city mirrored my mood—my dark past was vanishing along with the night. From now on, I would live peacefully here.

As for my parents and younger brother… tonight, a tragic fire claimed their lives in the mountains.

I didn’t “wipe out my own family.” I’m just an unfortunate soul.

I kept comforting myself like this, until tears streamed down my face.

All my life, I’ve lied to myself—just like before, just like now.

With the most wretched childhood, yet deluding myself into thinking I could rise above it through hard work. Having wiped out my own family, yet fantasizing about embracing a brand-new life.

Who do I think I am?

So many criminals exist in this world. If I escape the law’s judgment, it would be unfair to everyone.

But right now… I desperately want to experience that “unfairness” just once.

I want to leave all this behind. I want to live out the rest of my days peacefully with Jiaqi.

I want to wear a wedding dress, just once, and be a normal woman.

Today, Chengdu is shrouded in thick fog. My vision is clouded.

“Jiaqi… wait for me…” I kept wiping my tears, trying to console myself, but my heart ached as if stabbed by a knife. “I’m back… From now on, we’ll wake up together every day…”

“Welcome to the morning rush hour music broadcast,” a muffled voice came from the car radio. “Yesterday, Jay Chou’s visit to Chengdu rekindled memories for all the ’80s and ’90s generation. If you missed the event, let’s revisit the golden age of Mandopop with this next song—’In the Name of the Father.'”

*”The cool morning dew dampens the black suit.”*

*”The cobblestone path is veiled in fog, the father murmurs low.”*

*”A helpless realization, only cruelty remains, all for the road to the holy shrine.”*

*”The unyielding fog obscures intent.”*

*”Who treads softly, then halts?”*

*”Before tears can fall, the piercing bullet steals all warmth.”*

*”We all bear guilt, each with our own sins…”*

“No… that’s not it…” I muttered to the air. “I didn’t kill my family. It’s just… someone swindled me out of two million… The case involves a massive sum, and the nature is vile… I was just gathering evidence for the trial… Jiaqi, you believe me, right?”

That person didn’t just extort me… they even borrowed from loan sharks… Jiaqi, you understand, don’t you…?

I don’t want to be a monster. I just want to be ordinary.

Now, I truly have no burdens left… Can we be together?

As long as the police don’t find me… can we be together?

Once Chengdu’s fog lifts today… can we be together?

I passed by Du Fu’s Thatched Cottage, driving from Qingyang Main Street toward Wuhou Shrine.

Just as I was about to call Jiaqi, the world suddenly spun—an earthquake struck. Unlike the tremors I’d felt before, this one was violent, as if the epicenter was right beneath Chengdu.

I saw the ground splitting open just ahead and slammed the brakes, stopping just short of the fissure. But the car behind me couldn’t react in time and rear-ended me.

I kept wiping my tears, trying to steady myself.

Why is there yet another trial?

Why is it so agonizingly hard… to step into a new life?

The chain of collisions kept pushing my car toward the gaping crack.

“Stop this…” I sobbed in the car. “God, please… no more tests. I just want to live… Can’t you be unfair to me just once?!”

But this wretched life was no different from the thirty-three years I’d endured.

As my car plunged into the abyss, I saw no glimmer of hope.

……

This place brings back terrible memories.

This game is called “The Messenger.”

As the “hostage,” I’m locked inside a giant microwave.

What’s terrifying is that this microwave is even smaller than the room Ma the Butcher gave me.

Those painful memories flood back, drowning me in despair.

How did I end up here?

Why am I locked up?

It must be because I wiped out my family, and now Heaven is testing me again.

Yes, that’s fair.

But I’m so scared. What should I do?

Am I going to be roasted alive in this giant microwave?

Shivering inside, I suddenly heard the door creak open. I looked up and met his gaze.

Just like last time, someone came to save me. Light poured in, illuminating the gentle-faced man like a radiant lighthouse.

“Qi Xia!!”

Unable to control my trembling, I rushed forward and hugged him.

“I…” He looked awkward, unsure where to place his hands.

“Thank goodness… I was so scared…” My whole body shook—I’d been terrified. “I thought I was going to be cooked alive in there…”

“Uh, Attorney Zhang… I recall you don’t like being touched?” Qi Xia said stiffly.

“Oh…” I quickly let go and wiped my eyes. “S-sorry… Did I make you uncomfortable?”

“Not uncomfortable, just surprised.” He shook his head. “I dislike the unexpected. You’ve never struck me as the type.”

“I-I’m sorry.” I lowered my head, reverting to my usual composure.

They don’t know…

They don’t understand me.

I’m a monster who killed her entire family. I’m nothing like anyone here.

No matter how many villains exist here, none could be worse than me.

How laughable…

They think I’m a meticulous lawyer, never imagining the darkness within me. So this secret must never come out—after all, I’ve already prepared my alibi.

If I can escape this place, I’ll return to a normal life.

I’ll wait for Jiaqi to drape me in a wedding veil, leading me toward a brighter future.

I’m not Zhang Laidi.

My name is Zhang Chenze.

Though it’s unfair to you all… I’m sorry.

I’m going to start lying now.