Chapter 387: Heaven?

After hearing my words, Xiao Sun was visibly stunned.

“Jie Zhang… what—what are you planning to do?” he stammered, clearly taken aback. “Stop whatever you’re thinking right now! You can’t throw your whole life away for that scum!”

“Yes, I *am* throwing my life away, but my life didn’t just start falling apart now,” I said to him with utter despair. “So this doesn’t concern you. I’ll handle it myself.”

“What?”

“I’m betting everything I have. Even if I have to pay the price for it, I won’t regret it.”

I absolutely cannot let him go to prison.

I want him dead.

Xiao Sun fell silent for a long time before forcing out a choked sentence: “Jie Zhang, I’ve already told you—no matter what you do, I want to be with you. If you live peacefully, then so will I… but if you take this dangerous path, then I—”

“Don’t be stupid!” I looked at him desperately. “Don’t you get it? I’m a monster!!”

“How are you a monster?!” Xiao Sun grew agitated. “You’re just someone who’s struggling right now, Jie Zhang. Don’t blame yourself for everything that’s happened to you.”

“You don’t understand… I’m not the same person anymore. I don’t deserve love in this lifetime—I’m a filthy, disgusting woman!!”

Those nightmarish images flashed through my mind, making me dizzy with nausea.

“What nonsense are you saying?!” Xiao Sun’s eyes widened as he stared at me with intense seriousness. “Jie, that man raped you. The filthy, disgusting one is *him*, isn’t it?! *He* should be the one spat on, condemned, and punished by the law—so why are you blaming yourself? You’re the victim here! Since when is being a victim a crime?!”

Hah…

Yes, I *am* the victim.

But in this society, how many people would genuinely accept a woman who’s been raped?

How many wouldn’t look at her through a distorted lens?

What difference does it make whether I’m the victim or not?

This is my original sin as Zhang Laidi. I can’t blame anyone else.

If this ever got out, Xiao Sun and I would be subjected to endless judgment and scorn. It wouldn’t be fair to him.

He’s a young, accomplished, handsome lawyer with a warm and sunny personality—yet he’s ended up with a scheming, cold-hearted, older woman who’s been raped.

Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.

If I were an outsider, I’d look down on him too.

He’s too good. Too radiant.

And what am I?

I’m a fully grown monster with a heart so cold that even sunlight wouldn’t stir a ripple in me.

“Jie Zhang, I know this might not be the right time to say this… but I’ve already decided that I want to walk the rest of my life with you,” Xiao Sun said, tears glistening in his eyes as he smiled bitterly. “If you make a dangerous choice… I’ll walk that path with you.”

“Even if my life only has a short time left, you’d still stay?” I asked coldly.

“Yes. If you’re going to kill someone, then I’ll go with you,” he replied. “We’ll face judgment together, and leave this world together.”

I stared into Xiao Sun’s eyes for a long time before slowly lowering my head.

Why…?

A suffocating sense of helplessness swirled around me.

I wanted to kill that butcher Ma with my own hands—but I couldn’t drag Xiao Sun into this.

This has nothing to do with him. It wouldn’t be fair.

“Xiao Sun, can’t you just leave me alone?” I asked. “You’ll never understand my life, so how can you walk it with me?”

“Jie Zhang, we’ve spent years together. I know you,” Xiao Sun said. “All you want is to be treated like an ordinary person—that’s not too much to ask. No matter what injustices you’ve suffered before, I’ll make up for them in the days to come. I’ll make sure neither of us leaves this world with regrets.”

I curled up on the bed, burying my face in my knees.

Why…?

Some people can inflict endless cruelty on me without reason, while others can pour unconditional kindness into me.

What kind of twisted scale is this world balanced on…?

Heaven, are you trying to torment me—or save me?

Why do you keep building me a fortress of hope, only to let it crumble every single time?

I couldn’t make sense of it. All I knew was that I couldn’t drag Xiao Sun down. It wouldn’t be fair to him.

“…I won’t go,” I whispered, shaking my head. “I give up. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Really?!” Xiao Sun’s face lit up with joy. “Jie Zhang, you’ve really thought it through?”

“Yeah…” I forced a weak smile and nodded. “Let’s report it to the police.”

……

In the days that followed, I focused on recovering while Mengmeng handled all matters at the law firm. Xiao Sun took full charge of prosecuting Butcher Ma’s case.

Given the overwhelming evidence and the severity of the crime, the police acted swiftly. Under the cover of night, they stormed Butcher Ma’s home and arrested him on the spot.

The photos of me stored on his phone were all handed over to me. I couldn’t bear to look at them—just the thought made me sick—so I deleted every single one.

Yes, if I had chosen the legal path from the start, everything would have gone this smoothly.

Xiao Sun had been running around tirelessly for me during this time, and it pained me to see him so exhausted. When I offered to pay him legal fees, he refused outright.

He said he wasn’t handling a case—he was just helping a friend.

He truly was a good man. The second beacon of light in my life.

Aside from Teacher Ning Wan’er, no one in this world had ever shown me such selfless kindness.

He understood all my feelings, respected all my thoughts, and treated me as someone irreplaceable.

It felt too surreal.

I often wondered if I really deserved someone this good.

Two months later, I visited Xiao Sun’s home for the first time as his girlfriend, formally meeting his parents and younger sister.

No—I shouldn’t call him Xiao Sun anymore.

He was my boyfriend now—Sun Jiaqi.

Jiaqi’s parents were exactly as I remembered them. When they learned I was his girlfriend, they were overjoyed and prepared a lavish feast. His younger sister adored me as her future sister-in-law, clinging to my arm and chattering nonstop.

As she held my hand, I couldn’t help but feel uneasy. Even after all this time, I still wasn’t comfortable with physical contact.

Even if it was from a bright, cheerful girl like her.

“Don’t cling to Chenze so much…” Jiaqi gently intervened on my behalf. “How is she supposed to eat if you won’t let go?”

“I don’t care~” his sister pouted playfully. “I finally have a sister-in-law! I *have* to tell her all your embarrassing childhood stories!”

This kind of family warmth… it was like heaven.