Leaving the rice noodles shop, I walked alone on the empty street in the dead of night, feeling a wave of unbearable anxiety. I had already made my decision, but Li Xiaoyun’s reaction was even more intense than I had anticipated, as if my decision had touched her most sensitive nerve.
Thinking about it, what woman could accept her fiancé giving up his job for another woman and moving to another city? Actually, the fact that Li Xiaoyun didn’t scream and yell at me already showed her grace and cultivation.
I took out a cigarette from the pack, lighting it with a somewhat despondent mood. Waves of guilt surged in my heart, but I had made my choice and would not change it. This time, no matter what, I had to help Leyao through this crisis—for the slap she had once taken for me…
I took a deep breath, extinguished the cigarette butt, took out my phone from my pocket, and immediately sent a message to Leyao: “I will quit my job tomorrow, and then go to Suzhou after completing the work handover.”
Leyao replied quickly: “Thank you, Zhaoyang. I knew you would never abandon me.”
“Yeah… Can you sleep peacefully now?”
“I don’t want to sleep yet. I want to talk to you on the phone and hear your voice.”
I looked bitterly at Leyao’s message. At this moment, I had given her a sense of security, but what about Li Xiaoyun? She must have been deeply hurt by my decision…
Before I could reply, Leyao called me directly. I stared blankly at the flashing phone screen, but finally didn’t answer, ending the call instead. I then sent her a message: “I’m a bit tired today and want to rest. Let’s talk tomorrow.”
Without waiting for Leyao to reply, I turned off my phone. With a weary soul, I dragged my heavy body and continued walking on the cold street, as if there was no end in sight…
When I got home, it was already deep into the night. I thought Father and Mother had already gone to bed and quietly opened the door, but to my surprise, both of them were sitting in the living room, their expressions looking rather grim.
My heart tightened—had they found out about what happened between Li Xiaoyun and me? From what I knew about Li Xiaoyun, at least she wouldn’t have told her parents about my decision to resign and go to Suzhou so soon.
Before I could even take off my shoes, Mother asked in a serious tone: “Zhaoyang, why is your phone turned off?”
I replied casually: “Maybe it ran out of battery.”
“Did you quarrel with Xiaoyun?”
“No.”
Mother pressed further: “Tell me the truth—did you or didn’t you? Xiaoyun’s mother called earlier. Xiaoyun locked herself in her room crying after returning home, and wouldn’t open the door no matter how much they called for her.”
Guilt filled me again. I stood there for a long time, not knowing how to respond to Mother. If she knew the truth, she might find it even harder to accept than Li Xiaoyun would.
But I couldn’t possibly leave Xuzhou without telling them the truth—they would eventually find out. As for the painful consequences, I might as well bear them all at once.
Gathering my courage, I finally answered Mother: “Mom, I’m planning to quit my job in Xuzhou. I want to go back to Suzhou—for a friend…”
Before I could finish, Mother’s expression turned extremely grim. She angrily scolded: “You ungrateful brat! No wonder Xiaoyun… No wonder Xiaoyun… Tell me, what are you trying to achieve by doing this nonsense? Huh? What are you trying to do? Are you just tired of living a good life?”
Seeing Mother so angry that she was almost incoherent, I felt even more guilty. I kept my head down, silent, but this silence only further provoked her anger. She continued: “Zhaoyang, listen to me—no matter what reason you have, you must stay in Xuzhou and marry Xiaoyun properly. Otherwise, I’ll consider that I never had such a good-for-nothing son!”
Growing up spoiled by my mother, I had never heard her speak to me so harshly before. A dull, overwhelming pain pierced through me, and for a moment I even considered giving up on Leyao and staying in Xuzhou—because I couldn’t bear to defy my parents like this.
But in the end, I gritted my teeth and said: “Mom, I know this decision will hurt many people, but I still decided to do it because I had no choice. I hope you and Dad can understand… If there had been any other option, I wouldn’t have left Xuzhou. I had no choice…”
“Zhaoyang, now that you’ve grown up, your father and I can’t control you anymore. If you really want to leave, then get out now! Get out of this house! We’ll pretend we never had such a disobedient son!” Mother, furious and trembling, pointed at me and shouted.
Helplessly, I looked at Father, hoping he might say something on my behalf, but he remained silent, even expressionless. I knew my decision had truly hurt them. Otherwise, how could my gentle, loving mother—who had always spoiled me—say such harsh words to me?
I didn’t try to explain further because no matter how I explained it, from their perspective, this decision would still seem foolish and wrong. Finally, I lowered my head and went into my room, starting to pack my belongings.
…
I dragged my suitcase out of the room and said to Father and Mother: “Dad, Mom, I’m leaving. I won’t ask for your forgiveness for what I’ve done wrong, but please take care of your health. I’ll come back to visit when I have time.”
“Zhaoyang, how can you just walk away like this? How can you face Xiaoyun, face your father and me?” Mother cried out painfully.
My heart was torn with anguish. This decision was even harder than the time I had revealed Mi Zhongde’s power conspiracy to Mi Cai, yet also more helpless. I didn’t expect forgiveness, only hoping that time would soon dilute the bitter consequences of this choice and eventually free me. For now, all I could do was endure the pain of this decision.
I remained silent, lowering my head, determined to leave. At this moment, Father—who had been quiet all along—finally spoke: “Let him go. His heart was never in Xuzhou, nor in Xiaoyun. He would have left eventually.”
I looked at Father in surprise, not understanding the basis of his words. If it weren’t for Leyao’s serious difficulties, I really wouldn’t have considered returning to Suzhou.
Confused, I suddenly recalled a dream I had had long ago. In the dream, I asked a woman with long hair reaching her shoulders: “Why is she the woman in my heart, yet I can’t get close to her?” She replied: “Because you still don’t understand what your heart truly desires.”
Father’s words strangely resembled that dream. Could it be that my heart was never truly in Xuzhou, and that there was something or someone in Suzhou that I had longed for?
Father lit a cigarette and said to me: “You’re my son, and I know your temper. Once you’ve made a decision, we can’t stop you. Since you and Xiaoyun aren’t officially engaged yet, don’t keep holding her back. It’s better to part ways amicably.”
Mother grabbed Father’s arm, emotionally exclaiming: “Lao Zhao, how can you say such things? We can’t just let him act recklessly like this. If he loses this good girl Xiaoyun, he’ll regret it for the rest of his life!”
Father shook his head and said: “It’s better to end things with Xiaoyun now than to wait until after marriage. I can’t bear to see him ruin this good girl’s life. Let him go—let him walk his own path.”
Mother stared at Father in shock, while Father, looking exhausted and downcast, waved his hand at me, signaling me to leave…
I lowered my head and said softly, “I’m sorry,” then finally dragged my suitcase toward the door, stepping outside. What kind of life awaited me after this night, I had no idea. But I knew one thing for sure—the peaceful days I had shared with Li Xiaoyun had quietly come to an end in a daze.
Thinking about all the good things Li Xiaoyun had done for me, my nose tingled with emotion. If she were willing to wait for me, I could truly return to Xuzhou after helping Leyao, and fight once again for that stable life with her. But would she be willing to wait? Would she?
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