In my speechless silence, another train roared past us, our figures flickering in the light cast by its windows, as if the entire world was being torn apart. The night stretched longer, endless, while the distant city lights became a form of salvation, painting this perfect loneliness…
Even loneliness began to feel perfect, and I had no desire to argue with Le Yao about perspectives on life. Changing the subject, I said to her, “If you’re not interested in Xuzhou’s local cuisine, come sit at my coffee shop for a bit. We have a barista who makes excellent pastries—seriously, you should try them!”
After my sincere invitation, Le Yao’s attitude softened. She asked softly, “Zhaoyang, tell me, if Mi Cai hadn’t gone elsewhere today, would you have come to see me?”
“Of course! Mi Cai would’ve come too. We’ve been friends for so many years; we’d definitely play the good hosts!”
Le Yao smiled and nodded. “Well said… Friendship is an external thing. Why should I overthink it and burden myself with imagined worries for you?”
“You said it better… So, will you come with me now?”
“Let’s go… I heard sweets can lighten one’s mood. I want to try it!”
…
At the coffee shop, to avoid disturbances from new customers, I lowered the shutter. Qin Yan, Xiao Nuo, and I sat with Le Yao around a wooden table. The warmth of the air conditioner and the aroma of coffee seemed to insulate us from the restless world outside. We didn’t talk much, but Qin Yan and Xiao Nuo were visibly excited, their first time sitting so close to a celebrity the public raved about…
Xiao Nuo finally pulled a notebook from her bag and said to Le Yao, “Sister Le Yao, I love your acting so much—I’m a huge fan! Could you sign this for me?”
Le Yao cheerfully obliged. Qin Yan, not to be outdone, grabbed a coffee brewing set from the counter, asking Le Yao to sign it. With patience, she signed her name on the oval-shaped vessel in a challenging position… But despite fulfilling their requests, her mood remained low. Even though Qin Yan’s pastries were tasty, she only nibbled, her gaze heavy with thoughts, fixed on the desolate night outside… Perhaps my coffee shop wasn’t a place for her to rest. At night, it was too vast, too quiet—quiet enough to make one overthink.
After a while, Qin Yan left his seat, grabbed his backpack from the counter, and said to me, “Brother Yang, since we’re closed today, I’m heading to Suzhou. I’ll be back before 10 a.m. tomorrow, guaranteed!”
Puzzled, I asked, “Didn’t you book a ticket for a few days later? Can you even get one now? It’s peak Spring Festival travel season!”
“When you’re thinking of someone, a train ticket isn’t an obstacle… Don’t worry, I’ll find a way!”
I felt Qin Yan’s sincerity toward Yan Yan and didn’t want to dampen his enthusiasm. I nodded. “Go, but be safe. If you can’t make it back tomorrow, stay in Suzhou. Xiao Nuo’s coffee is enough to handle customers using it as a photo prop!”
“Got it! Thanks for understanding, Brother Yang… I’m off. Take good care of Sister Le Yao.”
I nodded, and Qin Yan lifted the shutter and left. We watched his retreating figure, imagining the night ahead of him. Perhaps, after traveling all the way to Suzhou, Yan Yan would cook him a late-night snack… Or maybe, by tomorrow, we’d be shocked to hear he and Yan Yan were together!
After Qin Yan left, Xiao Nuo said to me, “Brother Zhaoyang, I’ve got a movie date tonight, and it’s about time. I need to go. Please take care of Sister Le Yao—don’t let her be too sad. We fans would feel heartbroken!”
Realizing I’d be alone with Le Yao, my emotions shifted. But Xiao Nuo, as if deliberately giving us space, didn’t wait for my reply, lifted the shutter, and left, pulling it down again. The not-so-small coffee shop was left with just Le Yao and me, sitting across from each other…
After a silence, Le Yao stirred her coffee with a spoon and asked, “How’s life been for you since returning to Xuzhou?”
It was the most grounded question she’d asked since we met, making us feel like old friends of many years. My mood lightened. Taking a sip of hot tea, I smiled and said, “Pretty good. This might be the most enjoyable time of my life… I don’t want to lose this life—it was too hard-won!”
Le Yao smiled too. “Yeah, everyone knows how hard you fought for it, so no one wants to disrupt it or trouble you… As a friend who’s been through tough times with you, seeing you smile like this makes me really happy for you!”
“Thanks… But sometimes, I’m haunted by doubts, feeling there are still too many unresolved issues between Mi Cai and me!”
“Isn’t loving someone always filled with doubts?”
“True enough!”
Le Yao nodded, sipping her now lukewarm coffee. After a longer silence, she said, “Do you know why, after this incident, I chose to come to Xuzhou?”
I shook my head. “No clue. That’s been puzzling me!”
“Honestly, I don’t know either. Maybe it’s habit… After all this time, when I’m upset, I still think of you. I remember when I was heartbroken, you’d call me an idiot and curse yourself too. You never woke yourself up back then, but you did wake me up… I stopped thinking about that jerk from college who hurt me… Honestly, being with a guy like you, who’s barely even ‘decent,’ isn’t exactly joyful. But I’d still laugh with you, cry to you when I was sad, and tell myself: even though you always scolded and disdained me, you never abandoned me when I was on the verge of giving up… It’s like, even if the sky fell, you’d hold it up for me with your own battered body. That gave me peace.”
“Isn’t that what friends do? You support me, I support you… Sometimes, I think of you too, those absurd times. But looking back, the pain isn’t as sharp anymore. Instead, it feels unbelievable… In my ordinary life, I got to know a red-hot celebrity, and we’ve had each other’s backs! Xiao Nuo says it’s my fortunate fate… Ha, I think it’s just destiny!”
“Fortunate fate or destiny—there’s not much difference, and it’s not what matters to us. What matters is that decadent time we spent together! We seemed to create so many problems for ourselves, making life harder to handle… We should’ve moved on long ago!”
Opening up to Le Yao, I said, “Looking back at that past life, I don’t regret the self-inflicted troubles… Because it feels like I was placed in a destined path, waiting for Mi Cai to appear. The life I’m living now is the result of that fate, and I’m content!”
Le Yao sighed softly, almost inaudibly, “Is it really the result, or just a chapter? Who can predict… This world makes us laugh and cry, like me… Envied and admired by so many, yet I can’t escape this laughing-crying fate… Living in this world, we all need someone to confide in. But as you all drift further away, such people are fewer and fewer… I can’t bear this loneliness. Maybe I’m just inherently fragile!”
“Don’t say that… If life makes us laugh and cry, after all these years, we should be able to handle it! Honestly, you can be strong inside; you just haven’t dug deep enough. You’re used to dodging problems instead of facing them!”
Le Yao nodded, thoughtful, and finally said, “Maybe that’s where I fall short compared to Jian Wei and Mi Cai… So it’s no surprise you love them. I have no reason to feel resentful. I’m not exactly a woman with much charm. I always bring trouble to others without solving any… Thinking about it, I’ve been the teammate who drags you down, yet you’ve always tolerated me with your teasing and scolding. That’s true magnanimity and wisdom!”
Looking at her, I felt an unprecedented ease in our interaction. This ease came from opening our hearts to review the past. We no longer needed to be troubled by that ambiguous relationship—beyond friendship but less than love. Time was reshaping us, maturing us in new ways and perspectives.
She asked again, “Are you really set on marrying Mi Cai in this lifetime?”
“Yes… Nothing will change between us, at least not on my end. I’ll marry her unless I die!”
“Jinx! Aren’t you and Mi Cai chasing a simple, ordinary life? Why talk of dying? This world doesn’t have that many life-or-death romances… I genuinely hope you’ll be happy together and soon have a child who won’t know our adult grudges and will loudly call me Aunt Le Yao! I’d be thrilled!”
“That day will come!”
Le Yao nodded, falling silent again… Subconsciously, I glanced at the profound night outside during this pause. After a while, I asked her, “What about you? How do you plan to handle this incident?”
Le Yao smiled. “I won’t keep backing down! Just wait and see—I’ll handle it decisively!”
“Looking forward to seeing your change!”
“I will. On the day you and Mi Cai get married, I’ll bring Cao Jinfei to your wedding… I hope Mi Cai will welcome us!”
“Of course she will… Oh, Robben will be back from abroad by then too. It’ll be a great chance for a small reunion!”
Le Yao thought for a long time before replying, “Yeah… Zhaoyang, if our story is a novel being written, with you and Mi Cai’s wedding, and CC returning to reunite with Robben… wouldn’t that be the most perfect ending?”
I nodded, picturing that scene in my mind… It was so moving I almost wanted to cry!
But if our story is a novel, what would Jian Wei’s ending be? I don’t know, but she absolutely cannot end up lonely and desolate! If she isn’t happy, it’s a failed story… I firmly believe that!
And characters like Fang Yuan and Xiang Chen, with their ulterior motives, must face their consequences. If not, it’s still a failed story! It wouldn’t meet readers’ expectations!
But sadly, we’re living real lives, not writing a novel. The only thing controlling us is life itself. I can only pray that life grants Jian Wei, that poor woman, a final glimmer of happiness… Only then can I enjoy what I have with peace of mind! As for Fang Yuan and Xiang Chen, I don’t care. My world no longer intersects with theirs… To me, they’re just pitiful creatures driven by worldly desires, devoid of souls!
“What are you thinking, Zhaoyang?”
Lighting a cigarette, I replied, “Following your novel logic, I’m imagining a satisfying ending for someone who desperately needs one. Of course, reader satisfaction is secondary—what I really want is her true happiness!”
Le Yao laughed and shook her head. “Heh… I’ve been immersed in movie scripts lately, which led to this novel idea. You’re taking my naive thought way too seriously—how unreliable!”
I laughed along with her, saying no more… All hypotheticals are meaningless. All we can do is patiently wait for life to give us answers!
Le Yao finished her coffee, seemingly ready to say goodbye. But just as she was about to stand, she suddenly asked, “Zhaoyang, if your life faces another major upheaval, what kind of person will you become? Will you break free from human nature’s fickleness and transform completely?”
I looked at her, stunned… I’ve never thought I’d change! Nor do I want any more upheavals in my life! Living like this is my dream!
After a long pause, I finally said, “There won’t be any more upheavals!”
“I hope so too, but compared to human nature’s fickleness, life is even more unpredictable… I asked because I want you to remember our promise. No matter what happens, we must master life. That’s our lifelong pact, remember?”
I realized I’d grown complacent. Smiling, I replied, “Of course I remember… Now, let’s see how you, as a master of life, tackle this current trouble. I’m all eyes!”
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