I was inhaling and exhaling slowly on the cigarette held between my fingers when I finally picked up my phone from the table, found Leyao’s name in my WeChat contact list, and sent her a message: “Hi! … My old friend, where are you off to contemplate life today?”
About five minutes later, Leyao replied: “My old friend, I’m on Earth!”
I stared at the message, helplessly smiling before replying: “Of course I know you’re on Earth. Do you think you could possibly be vacationing on the moon?”
“You go away… I’m eating an apple and don’t have time for you.”
I wasn’t bothered by her slight haughtiness and patiently responded: “It seems like you’re in a good mood… Actually, I’m hungry too, but I don’t feel like eating anything.”
“No, don’t be like that. You are a man after all. Regardless of your mood, I hope you can eat something and cheer up!”
“So how many apples have you eaten then? … Have you cheered up already?”
After a long time, Leyao still hadn’t replied. Worried, I sent her several more messages, but they were like stones dropped into the sea, never receiving a response. I fell into concern, and within that concern, I pondered… If she really was in Xuzhou, where in Xuzhou could she be?
She definitely wouldn’t waste this melancholic dusk. Therefore, she wouldn’t be staying in a hotel right now. Based on her past behavior, she was most likely sitting quietly somewhere alongside a stretch of railway tracks facing the setting sun…
This image suddenly forming in my mind made me feel immense sympathy for her. Her happiness was built upon a loneliness only she could understand. The place she was facing now might only consist of endless railway tracks, a few withered trees, and sparse villages in the distance… And indeed, there are such places in the suburbs of Xuzhou, filled with dryness and solitude. When no trains pass by, the leaves that have not been cleaned for years become almost the only visible thing! And once the sun sets, even those distant villages quickly dissolve into the night!
I lowered my head, extinguished the cigarette butt in the ashtray, yet my mind remained preoccupied with Leyao’s loneliness. Finally, I said to Xiaonuo, the waitress who was idling nearby: “Xiaonuo, come with me to find someone…”
“Who?”
“I’m not sure if we can find her… So I won’t tell you yet. I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed if we can’t!”
No one believed that Leyao would come to Xuzhou. Even after I said this, Xiaonuo didn’t connect it to the fact that the person I wanted her to help find was actually a female celebrity she deeply admired. Curiously, she asked again: “Brother Zhaoyang, exactly who are you looking for, and why would I be disappointed if I couldn’t find her?”
Feeling restless, I really had no mood to satisfy her curiosity and urged again: “Don’t ask so many questions. Hurry up and put on your coat. We’re leaving now!”
Seeing my serious expression, Xiaonuo finally restrained her curiosity and went to the bar counter to put on her coat. I gave a nod to Qin Yan, who was busy working, and then walked out of the coffee shop before Xiaonuo, starting the car to wait for her… The reason I didn’t go alone to find Leyao was to avoid suspicion. I had promised Mi Cai that I needed to be an upright man in front of her. Therefore, having Xiaonuo accompany me was actually the best option.
…
The sun gradually disappeared at the edge of the city. I drove Xiaonuo along a stretch of railway tracks heading northwest towards the suburbs. I knew this was undoubtedly like looking for a needle in a haystack, but there was still some hope. If I was lucky enough to find her, I wanted to invite her for a meal and persuade her to return to Beijing, so those who worried about her wouldn’t have to be anxious anymore…
As it started to get dark, I had lost count of how many railway tracks I had searched, yet still hadn’t found any sign of Leyao. I began to doubt myself. Maybe she wasn’t in Xuzhou at all, or even if she was, she might be staying in a hotel, not sitting alone in solitude staring at the endless railway tracks…
Feeling somewhat tired, I pulled the car over, opened the window, lit a cigarette, and gazed blankly into the distance that had already lost its outline while immersed in worry…
Xiaonuo sitting beside me was completely confused and finally asked me again: “Brother Zhaoyang, are you really looking for someone? I feel like you’re just taking me out for a walk.”
I took a deep drag of the cigarette and replied somewhat despondently: “Yes, I’m looking for someone, but I might not be able to find her… She didn’t appear in the place I imagined!”
“Then who exactly are you looking for? … Can you tell me now?”
I threw away the cigarette without finishing it, restarted the car, and replied only after starting to drive again: “Let’s search a bit further ahead. If we still can’t find her, we’ll go back… I’ll tell you when we get back.”
Seeing my poor mood, Xiaonuo didn’t press further and opened the car window to help me look at the railway tracks on the other side of the road…
We probably drove another two kilometers when Xiaonuo suddenly patted my leg and said: “Brother Zhaoyang, park the car… Look at the woman sitting across the river. Could she be the person you’re looking for?”
I slowed down and instinctively looked in the direction Xiaonuo pointed. Sure enough, not far away, I saw a familiar figure. I couldn’t see her expression clearly, but I could see her sitting under a poplar tree…
She was curled up, partly because of the cold wind, but more likely from the numbness of a body that had lost all hope of love!
I stopped the car and said to Xiaonuo beside me: “Yes, that’s her… Come with me to meet my old friend.”
But Xiaonuo didn’t get out of the car. She leaned forward, staring at the poplar tree below. She seemed to recognize the woman under the tree but dared not confirm it. So she widened her eyes, staring at me, waiting for me to give her a definite answer.
I nodded and said: “Yes, the person I’m looking for is indeed Leyao… She came to Xuzhou!”
It took Xiaonuo a while to recover from her shock. With an unsteady tone, she exclaimed: “It’s just too unbelievable. How could such a big celebrity come to Xuzhou and sit under a nearly withered poplar tree? … This is just too!”
Xiaonuo couldn’t find the exact words to describe her current feelings. I exhaled heavily, looked at the frail figure of Leyao again, and after a long time, I replied: “Celebrities are people too. When the heart can’t find a place to settle down, the body starts to wander. It’s not surprising at all where they end up… Not only her, sometimes we aren’t necessarily happier than beggars because we have too much to let go of and even more to desire!”
After I finished speaking, I unfastened my seatbelt, opened the car door, and walked toward Leyao before Xiaonuo. As I approached her, I increasingly felt that she was somewhat afraid of the cold that winter could not stop. I called out to Xiaonuo, who hadn’t gotten out of the car yet: “Xiaonuo, bring the down jacket from inside the car!”
The night was quiet, and my words echoed across the open field. Leyao finally looked up, watching me as I approached. I looked at her and saw the phone beside her legs, a device that had already lost contact with the outside world, yet its signal light had never stopped flashing… At this moment, countless people were concerned about her, yet she had abandoned herself to this place where only I could find her… Therefore, I could no longer regard her as a burden. I wanted to have a heartfelt conversation with her under Xiaonuo’s watchful eyes!
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