Although I solemnly promised my father that I would work hard, he still refused to help me find a job in his company.
I was at a complete loss about how to deal with my father. I looked at him with a gloomy face while he calmly drank his wine, pretending as if I hadn’t even brought up the topic. His composure truly lived up to his reputation as “Master Ban.”
I turned to my mom for help, hoping she could persuade my father. As expected, moms are always the more caring parent. She nudged my father and said, “Old Zhao, why don’t you help our son find a job at your company? You know how aimless he is, and his personality is wild. Having him around you would make me feel more at ease.”
I quickly chimed in, “Exactly, Dad. It’s fine if I can find a job right away, but if I can’t, staying at home will make all the neighbors know I’m a failure. That would be embarrassing for you too, unless you really don’t consider me your son anymore!”
Father still responded indifferently, “You need to figure out how to find a job by yourself.”
I scratched my head, frustrated, and said, “Dad, just tell me what you’re thinking! If I can work at your company, I can settle down. Besides, how many leaders at your company haven’t arranged jobs for their sons, daughters, or relatives? Why can’t you just change your mind like them?”
My father suddenly got angry, slammed the table, and shouted at me, “You little bastard! I’m your father, who do you think you are lecturing me? Whether or not you can settle down doesn’t depend on me finding you a job. You need to think this through carefully.”
I didn’t say anything, unable to understand what my father meant. I just thought that helping me find a stable job was the first step to settling down.
Mom gave me a meaningful look, signaling me not to say anything rash, then gently said to my father, “Old Zhao, don’t be angry with your son. Let’s talk about the job later. He just got back, let him rest for a few days first.”
My father didn’t respond to my mother, nor did he say anything else. He just drank the remaining wine in one gulp, but he still looked quite upset.
…
After dinner, my father went straight to wash up and rest. I sat on the sofa chatting with my mom. As we talked, the conversation drifted to the topic of blind dates.
Mom asked me seriously, “Zhaoyang, tell me, do you really want to get married?”
I nodded firmly and said, “Of course I do. I’m not a kid anymore.”
Mom nodded and said, “Alright then. Auntie Zhang works at the neighborhood committee and knows many girls. I’ll ask her to help you find someone suitable these days!”
“This was your idea, right? But you have to make sure Auntie Zhang is careful and finds a reliable girl. After all, your son’s conditions are pretty good!”
Mom looked at me for a long time and said, “Son, are you joking with me? Tell me, where exactly are you good?”
“Just because I’m your biological son, you can’t think I’m bad, right?”
But Mom didn’t respond to me. She just told me to “go to bed early” before heading back to her room.
I finally lit a cigarette in the empty living room. Of course, I knew I wasn’t excellent. If people could be divided into defective and premium products, I was undoubtedly a defective one. I only said those things to give myself some confidence.
…
Lying on the small wire bed I had slept on since childhood felt very secure. Soon I began to feel drowsy.
Suddenly, my phone beeped with a text message. I picked up my phone and saw it was from Mi Cai. The message was very simple, just asking if I had arrived home safely.
I immediately replied to Mi Cai, telling her I had arrived home safely. After that, she didn’t reply again, but I wasn’t surprised. It was already difficult for her to send me a message to show concern. Could I actually expect her to chat with me about life, ideals, or love?
I could foresee that after this text message, we would no longer have any contact. After all, we were in different cities, and we were just ordinary friends.
Before putting my phone back on the nightstand, I checked the time. It was only 9:30 pm. Suddenly, I lost the desire to sleep, so I lit another cigarette and lay in bed smoking.
Although I spent a day moving from one city to another, some things couldn’t be forgotten so quickly. When I couldn’t sleep, I still recalled the bits and pieces of my time in Suzhou.
It seemed like all my memories of Suzhou were related to that woman who had long since left. But now, when I thought of her, I no longer felt so much pain, because there were no traces of her in the city I was in now. Finally, I had let go of my obsession and was willing to fall in love with another girl, whose whereabouts were still unknown.
Perhaps at the moment I broke up with Jian Wei, I should have given up and left Suzhou. That way, I wouldn’t have spent two years immersed in memories, hurting myself. But could she have known that the reason I stayed in Suzhou was because I couldn’t bear to leave? I couldn’t bear to leave the waiting she had written on the car window with her lipstick.
The night became deeper, and I finally felt sleepy again. Before turning off the light, I took one last look at the guitar leaning in the corner of the wall, and my heart gradually calmed down.
…
It had already been a week in Xuzhou. During this week, what I kept doing was sending out resumes online and going to job interviews. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a satisfactory job. I also dared not pin my hopes on my father. From what I knew about him, there was a 99% chance he wouldn’t help me find a job.
What was more regretful than job hunting was that I had not a single penny left. The last few dozen dollars had been spent on taking the bus for job interviews recently. But I couldn’t bring myself to ask my father or my mother for money. Fortunately, I didn’t need to pay rent or for meals, so I could still manage to get by.
It was another afternoon. I was browsing job postings on my computer when my mom suddenly came behind me, patted my shoulder, and happily said, “Zhaoyang, the matter I asked Auntie Zhang about last time, she really took it to heart. She found a girl for you. Since you’re free now, why don’t you meet her tonight and see if you can get along?”
“Sure,” I immediately agreed, then asked, “Mom, will you come with me tonight?”
Mom shook her head and said, “I won’t go. Young people nowadays don’t like their parents tagging along. Your mom knows that.”
“No, come on, you should come! I like it when you tag along,” I quickly said, actually wanting my mom to go with me to pay. I was completely broke now. If I ended up having dinner with the girl and couldn’t pay the bill, that embarrassment was something I couldn’t even bear to think about.
“I won’t go. Both sets of parents have agreed that you two should meet alone.”
I tried my best to persuade her, “Come on, if you don’t go, how will I recognize her?”
Mom immediately took out her phone, sent me a photo via WeChat, and said, “This is the girl’s photo. When you get to the coffee shop, just look for her based on this picture.”
I picked up my phone and looked at the photo. The girl looked okay, but that wasn’t the main point. I hesitated for a moment, biting my lip, wanting to ask my mom for some money, but in the end, I couldn’t bring myself to say it!
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