I hadn’t yet decided whether to confess or not when I answered the phone call from Mi Cai, prompted by the ringing. Her mood was indeed more urgent than mine. She immediately asked over the phone, “Are you busy today?”
“Yeah, this afternoon, people from the photography studio have been shooting at the cafe. Oh, and we’ve already hired the waitstaff. After a couple more days, we can officially open.”
“Oh, that’s great!” Pausing briefly, Mi Cai asked again, “What about this morning? What were you doing?”
“I wasn’t feeling well and was getting an IV drip at the clinic the whole time.”
Mi Cai’s tone turned concerned: “Wait, are you unwell? Did you catch a chill?”
“It was just a slight fever. It’s gone after the IV drip, so don’t worry about it… How about you? Are you having a good time in Yangzhou?”
Mi Cai clearly showed her emotion as she said, “No, I’m not happy…”
“Why aren’t you happy?”
“Because you don’t care about me at all, Zhaoyang… Whether I went to America or somewhere else, can you even remember how many times you’ve proactively called me or sent me messages, or shown concern about my whereabouts?… Sometimes I wonder, is this how other couples behave, or is it just your unique personality? Do you keep everything to yourself and never express it?”
Her questioning made me feel uneasy, and I tried to explain, “When you were in America, there was already a time difference between us, and I was afraid of disturbing your work. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about you… Mi Cai, let’s not have these baseless suspicions between us, okay? You know how much I care about you.”
Mi Cai fell silent, and I felt even less able to confess to her about going to Suzhou to see Jian Wei last night. At least I couldn’t do it while she was upset. So I lowered my head and said nothing more, but then I coughed violently. After the coughing subsided, I felt a heaviness in my head again and feared the winter cold.
Finally, Mi Cai gave up questioning me and said with concern, “If you’re unwell, you should go back and rest early. Let Auntie cook some ginger soup for you to dispel the cold. Just getting IV drips won’t completely remove the internal chill.” Suddenly, as if she had just remembered something, she asked, “Oh, did Auntie and Uncle return from visiting relatives in the countryside yet?”
“They should be back tonight… You should spend some quality time with CEO An. Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself. After all, I’ve been living alone for so many years, so I do have some self-care ability.”
Mi Cai felt slightly reassured and gave me a few more reminders before hanging up. At the moment I put down the phone, I felt my hands and feet were ice-cold, while my forehead was sweating. My life experience told me that the high fever had returned…
As night fell, I locked the cafe door, tied my scarf, put on my gloves, and rode my electric scooter along the loneliest road, hoping to get back to my warm home as soon as possible. At that moment, I not only had a headache but also felt mentally exhausted, because I had slept far too little the previous night.
…
When I got home, I found some ginger and brown sugar and, mustering my strength, waited by the gas stove. But aside from the flickering flame and rising heat, everything else was still. In that stillness, I inevitably thought a lot. I felt regretful because the days after returning to Xuzhou hadn’t been as gentle as I had imagined. All of this stemmed from my inability to completely break free from Suzhou’s entanglement.
Lost in thought, the ginger soup in the pot had already started boiling. I hurriedly turned off the stove and found a bowl to pour the thickened ginger soup into, then carried it alone to the living room, waiting for it to cool slightly.
Finally, I picked up the bowl and took a sip. The bitter, spicy, and hot taste made me feel very uncomfortable, but I endured and drank it all in big gulps until I felt sweat on my body, then I stopped with a sigh…
Feeling the ginger soup working inside me, I became still again, absentmindedly looking out the window at the moonlight shining on the hanging purple bedsheet. Once again, I felt the reality of life—it truly troubled me, made me feel helpless, yet I kept pretending to be fearless. In fact, I was afraid—afraid of life’s thorns, afraid of saying goodbye, afraid of meeting again, afraid of parting only to meet once more.
With a soft sigh, I drank the rest of the ginger soup in the bowl. Too lazy to clean up anything else, I threw myself onto the bed, wrapped myself tightly in the quilt, waiting to sweat profusely, waiting for all those annoying anxieties and uneasiness to leave my body with the sweat.
In that sweaty feeling, my consciousness gradually blurred, and I fell into a deep sleep, but it wasn’t a peaceful one. I kept dreaming, constantly feeling as if I were alternating between an ice cellar and a furnace…
It wasn’t until I felt a soft hand on my forehead that I woke up from my terrible sleep. Then her familiar figure appeared in my sight, and almost simultaneously, we asked each other, “Why are you back?”
“Are you feeling better?”
Mi Cai’s mood was more urgent than mine, so she answered me first in a scolding tone, “You’re sick, how could I stay calmly in Yangzhou? Fortunately, I came back, otherwise I wouldn’t have known that you still had a fever…!”
I smiled and said, “I’m really fine. I’ve sweated so much, and now I feel much lighter. The fever should have gone by now!”
Mi Cai brought me a set of clean underwear, indicating that I should change quickly so that the damp clothes wouldn’t make me catch a chill again. After I changed, she brought out a thermometer for me to take my temperature. Only after confirming that my temperature had returned to normal did the tense expression on her face disappear.
I sat in the living room while Mi Cai changed the sweat-soaked sheets and quilt cover in the bedroom. At that moment, she became very considerate and capable, and the millet porridge cooking in the rice cooker was the best proof of that. I deeply felt the warmth of being together, which was exactly what I had pursued after returning to Xuzhou. I didn’t want to have long nights filled with dreams anymore. I wanted to marry her and bind our lives together with marriage.
Once again, I decided to tell her the news about her mother returning to the country… because if our marriage could gain her mother’s approval, it would be perfect.
Shortly after, the millet porridge was ready. She served me a bowl and herself a bowl as well. We sat at the dining table, eating with some pancakes and side dishes…
After mentally preparing myself sufficiently, I finally spoke to her, “A few days ago, Chen Jingming called me. He couldn’t get in touch with you, so he asked me to pass on something to you. Actually, it was also a message for me.”
“Hmm? What is it?” Mi Cai didn’t seem very interested and didn’t stop eating.
I exhaled slowly in my heart before replying, “He said… your mother will return to China before the New Year. Her purpose is to find you, so he hopes we both prepare ourselves mentally!”
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