In the dead of night, the high-speed train carried me away from this city filled with sorrow and helplessness, heading north. I felt exhausted but couldn’t fall asleep at all. I simply stared out the window at the completely dark scenery flashing past my eyes again and again.
If my life were a story, at this moment, I couldn’t see its ending. I only saw the characters we were designed to be, pitifully struggling at the heart of this narrative. I seemed to see Jane Wei again, crying her heart out in this story because of my departure. How could I not know she still loved me? And how could I not love her too? But because of constant missed opportunities, we had already been set on a single track, heading in opposite directions. There was no force strong enough anymore to turn us back, at least not for me. I had already gone too far, loving Mi Cai just as deeply—if not more. Yet I could only live with one person, and I had no right to choose anymore.
In the latter half of the night after returning to Xuzhou, I couldn’t sleep. In the morning, I ran a fever of 40 degrees. My voice was hoarse, my head heavy, and I shivered under the covers… I hadn’t been this sick in a long time!
I placed the thermometer back on the cabinet, got up to boil some hot water, drank a cup, and then went to the community clinic, where I received an IV. Yet the pain in my heart was not in the least bit eased. I could only numbly keep staring at the sunlight scattered on the plants outside the window, again and again.
The middle-aged doctor at the clinic was a familiar face to my family. With nothing else to do, he chatted with me idly. He chuckled and remarked, “Zhaoyang, since I opened this clinic, you’ve never come here for an IV. You were as strong as an ox. What’s wrong this time—you couldn’t handle it?”
“Maybe I’ve just been too tired lately, my immunity dropped.”
“I don’t think so… I didn’t see you with your girlfriend today. Could it be lovesickness?”
I had no mood to respond to his teasing and simply sighed, replying, “Missing someone is a disaster, not a disease… Please stop pestering me, Brother wants to take a nap!”
The doctor, feeling slightly rebuffed, cursed me and took his stethoscope into the examination room. But I didn’t really fall asleep. I knew this illness had been brewing for a long time. In just this short month, my emotions had repeatedly approached the breaking point, eventually affecting my body. It had gone on strike, warning me that even I had limits.
…
When I left the clinic, my fever had broken. After eating a quick fast-food meal, I rode my electric scooter to the café. This afternoon I was going to interview two waiters. If successful, the café would be ready to open at any time. In the afternoon, Da Wenshan, the photography studio owner, brought two female customers to shoot at my café again, which once more put me in a difficult position since I couldn’t brew coffee. In the end, I only managed to prepare two instant coffees to serve as props.
Soon, they finished their photo session. However, Da Wenshan didn’t leave immediately. He sat with me at the seat nearest the window and said, “Boss Zhao, I have an idea. I wonder if you could help me realize it.”
“What is it… I’ll do my best!”
Da Wenshan smiled and continued, “I want my photography studio to be your exclusive partner here… Of course, I won’t let you suffer losses. If you agree, I can pay you 5,000 yuan monthly for the location fee and give you a 5% commission on the fees from portrait photography. That’s a considerable income, at least enough to cover the café’s daily operating costs…”
I smiled too and replied, “In the short term, your exclusive partnership proposal does sound appealing. But in the long run, it’s not conducive to promoting our café in the market. I really appreciate your kindness, but it doesn’t align with the development plan I’ve set for the café.”
I declined without hesitation, which disappointed Da Wenshan greatly. Seeing my determination, he didn’t press further but changed the subject and asked, “The girl with you yesterday at the café—is she your girlfriend?”
“Yeah, what about it?”
“She took my car downtown yesterday. We talked a bit about photography and I found she really has insightful opinions. I’d like to be friends with her… Don’t misunderstand me. I just mean friends who share the same interests.”
I smiled and said, “What could I possibly misunderstand?”
Da Wenshan looked slightly embarrassed and explained, “Your girlfriend is just too stunningly beautiful. I’ve been in photography for many years, shooting all kinds of models, but I’ve never seen a woman so beautiful and elegant. Any man approaching her would probably make you instinctively think ill of him. As a fellow man, I totally understand—the pressure of having such a girlfriend must be intense.”
“No, actually I really hope she can make some like-minded friends here in Xuzhou… She just came back with me from Suzhou and doesn’t have many friends here. Sometimes when I see her feeling lonely, I feel uneasy too.”
Da Wenshan nodded knowingly and said, “It seems like you two came back to Xuzhou with quite a story.”
“You could hardly call it a story—just some unpleasant experiences,” I said, pulling a cigarette from the pack and offering one to him before lighting one myself. My thoughts drifted back to the scenes that had unfolded in Suzhou, making me feel somewhat melancholic.
After taking a puff of his cigarette, Da Wenshan suggested again, “I wonder if you two are free tonight. Let’s have dinner together—I’ll treat, and I can invite some well-known local studio owners and photographers to meet you.”
“Not tonight. She went to Yangzhou to meet a friend last night and will probably stay there for two or three days. When she comes back, I’ll treat you all. I’ll be relying on you to bring more customers to my café.”
“Forget about owing me any favors. This is mutually beneficial anyway…” Da Wenshan said, checking his watch before adding, “I have another shooting task soon. Let’s stop here for now. Don’t forget—when you’re available, give me the chance to treat you both to dinner.”
I nodded and accompanied Da Wenshan and the two female customers outside the café. No sooner had they left than another photographer from a different studio arrived with customers to shoot at the café. Thus, I remained busy throughout the afternoon, even neglecting two WeChat messages Mi Cai had sent me.
It wasn’t until dusk that I finally brewed a cup of hot tea, lit a cigarette, and sat by the window to open Mi Cai’s WeChat messages. She complained that I didn’t care about her at all, because from the moment she left last night, I hadn’t even bothered to call her once or send a single message.
After thinking for a long while, I still chose to send her a message apologizing and asking when she would return. This time, she immediately called me back. Her urgency made me realize that despite being in Yangzhou, her thoughts had been constantly on me, and as soon as she sensed I had time, she called me right away.
Moreover, I was certain that Mi Lan hadn’t told her about discovering me with Jane Wei in Suzhou. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be treating me this way. However, her ignorance left me in a dilemma. I was debating whether I should tell her about my trip to Suzhou last night and then make up a lie, saying I went to meet Yan Yan… That would make everything seamless. Yet I couldn’t bear to lie to her, because that would betray her love for me. Perhaps, being honest and confessing everything was the best choice after all!
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