After seeing Mi Cai off, I returned to my room, finishing the remaining red wine until there was not a drop left. Then I lit a cigarette, lying on the sofa inhaling deeply, yet still recalling the moment when I had just asked Mi Cai if we could be considered friends. I felt surprised at myself for asking such a question and puzzled about its meaning.
I couldn’t figure it out for a long time. Perhaps it was similar to the saying that when a person is about to die, his words tend to be kind. Although I had not cared about Mi Cai’s opinion of me before, when I was truly leaving, I still wanted to leave her with a good impression. Even if we weren’t friends, I hoped she wouldn’t associate me entirely with words like vulgar, shameless, or despicable.
After washing up, I gradually sobered up from the drunken haze, and while still clear-headed, I started packing my luggage.
Inside my luggage was still the guitar that Jian Wei had given me. I found a clean cloth and wiped it again and again, wiping out the pain of love and the wounds of memories. I felt sad.
How wonderful it would be if a love could transcend material concerns and last forever. In that case, perhaps I would already have married Jian Wei. Actually, I’m not afraid of marriage at all because I love Jian Wei. Being with the woman I truly love would never become boring no matter how long we were together.
I remembered thinking about her constantly during those days after we broke up, wanting to tell her: “Please remember that I have always been waiting for you at the ends of the earth.” But month after month, year after year, I received no response. Then I started ruining my life with beer and other women, while the guitar she had given me remained by my side in its unchanged form.
I put down the cloth, plucked the guitar strings, and the sound was still clear and bright. It felt as if I could hear our once entwined laughter. That laughter had blessed my past, yet it now pained my present. I tightly gripped the guitar, holding it tightly, as if doing so would allow me to grasp those joyful memories forever.
…
A sudden phone ring pulled me back into reality. The tightly held laughter and joy scattered like sand through my fingers, and I tried to grasp them but couldn’t. I felt a deep sense of loss and a dull ache in my heart.
I stared blankly at the phone for a long time before finally answering the call. It was Yan Yan calling. She got straight to the point, asking, “Zhaoyang, when are you planning to return to Xuzhou?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
Yan Yan sighed, saying, “So soon?”
“Yeah, nothing binding me here, free to come and go as I please,” I replied with a smile.
“I still want to treat you to a farewell dinner!… We’ve been friends for so many years, I really hate to see you go.” Yan Yan spoke with a choked voice. I knew her emotion was genuine; she was reluctant to see me leave, and I was reluctant to leave her and Fangyuan. But this city was ultimately unsuitable for me; leaving meant liberation and a new beginning.
“There’s no need for a farewell dinner. Both you and Fangyuan are busy. Instead, come visit me in Xuzhou when you have time…” I added after a pause, “If he’s still willing, that is.”
In fact, during the four days since I quit the company, I had had no contact with Fangyuan. I knew he still couldn’t get over that incident and was upset with me, but I didn’t know how to explain it to him because my reasons wouldn’t count as valid in his eyes. We simply couldn’t view this matter from the same perspective, which made me feel regret and pain.
Yan Yan fell silent, making me suspect even more that Fangyuan was still angry, perhaps for a long time to come. The negative consequences of this incident were indeed too great.
After a long silence, Yan Yan finally said to me, “What time is your train tomorrow? I’ll send you to the station.”
“There’s no need to go through the trouble.”
“It’s the weekend tomorrow, I don’t have to work, so it’s fine.”
I thought for a moment and didn’t refuse further, telling Yan Yan my departure time the next morning and also giving her my current address.
After ending the call with Yan Yan, and finishing packing and washing up, I finally returned to my bedroom. Lying on the bed, I wanted to call Luo Ben and CC to tell them I was leaving tomorrow morning, but in the end, I gave up. I knew they would come to the station to see me off, but I absolutely disliked enduring the sorrow of face-to-face farewells, so I decided to tell them after returning to Xuzhou.
Turning off the light, I faced the darkness and reflected on my years in Suzhou. Actually, it wasn’t that I had gained nothing. At least I had made several good friends and had a pretty good boss named Chen Jingming. It was just a pity that I ended up giving up the opportunity myself, indirectly ruining Chen Jingming’s promotion prospects. Thinking about this made me feel guilty again.
I also understood that Fangyuan’s greatest resentment toward me was because of Chen Jingming. All along, he had always valued Chen Jingming’s recognition and support, without which he wouldn’t have achieved his current success.
But could our friendship of so many years really be destroyed by these workplace entanglements?
I didn’t understand, nor did I have an answer. I could only hope that time would help Fangyuan forgive and forget, and that one day in the future he and Yan Yan would come to visit us in Xuzhou, and then we could drink a few cups of alcohol, smoke a few cigarettes, and talk nonsense like we used to…
Eventually, sleepiness emerged from my wandering thoughts. In the deep night, I yawned heavily and fell into sleep, quietly passing through the last night before my departure.
…
Early the next morning, I carried my luggage out of the house and handed all the apartment keys to the young couple who had rented it yesterday.
Downstairs at the apartment complex, I looked around in the morning sunlight. Today, I had made plans with Yan Yan: she would come to see me off to the train station. However, women are naturally slow, and since there was still plenty of time before departure, I wasn’t in a hurry. While waiting and looking around, I instinctively smoked several more cigarettes.
After a while, I finally saw Yan Yan’s white Mazda 6 slowly approaching. To my surprise, there was someone in the front passenger seat. Looking closely, it turned out to be Fangyuan. My heart swelled with emotion—he had actually come with Yan Yan to see me off.
After the car stopped steadily, Yan Yan and Fangyuan got out from their respective sides of the car and came toward me.
I smiled at Fangyuan and said, “Didn’t expect you to come!”
“Since Yan Yan came, how could I not come along?”
I joked, asking, “You’re not tied up here by Yan Yan, are you? You look pretty unwilling!”
“Not tied up, but almost like it,” Fangyuan responded to my words, though without a smile.
Yan Yan lightly hit Fangyuan and said, “You two have been brothers for so many years. Do you really want to end up never seeing each other again? Let’s hurry up and help Zhaoyang load his luggage into the car so we don’t miss the train.”
Fangyuan nodded and proceeded with Yan Yan to put my limited luggage into the trunk of the car. Then, looking at me still standing there, he said, “What? Do you want to linger a bit longer?”
I smiled but didn’t say anything, gesturing for Fangyuan to get into the car. Then all three of us got into the car, and Yan Yan started driving toward the train station.
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