The silence in the coffee shop was terrifying. In a world with only myself, I desperately searched for a way out. I dared not imagine what emotions Jian Wei might be feeling now with my own flesh and blood. I could only position myself as an observer, feeling pain and numbness… repeating this cycle endlessly!
Even before dusk arrived, I seemed to have already been submerged in darkness, searching for the dawn of life. Finally, I closed the coffee shop door and drove towards the city center. I went to a bakery and bought some pastries to bring to Mi Cai’s company, as she hadn’t even had time for a proper lunch today because of helping me adjust a customer’s coffee.
Shortly after, I arrived at Olsen Advertising. Although I was carrying desserts, my mood remained bitter and heavy. This heaviness stemmed from my concern for Jian Wei, and my hatred for my inability to share any of her burdens.
I greeted the familiar faces along the way and finally reached Li Xiaoyun’s office. After knocking and receiving a response, I entered with the desserts. At that moment, Li Xiaoyun and Mi Cai were both busily working, with Mi Cai being even more focused, as her tardiness at lunchtime seemed to have left her with a lot of work.
Li Xiaoyun looked away from the computer screen, smiled, and asked me, “Zhaoyang, are you here to bring us afternoon tea?”
“Yeah, I bought coconut red bean cake and barley milk tea. Hurry up and replenish your energy during the break.”
Mi Cai finally paused and gestured for me to bring the desserts over quickly. I first placed one portion on Li Xiaoyun’s desk, then opened the dessert box for Mi Cai before handing it to her. She took it from my hands and said with a sigh, “If you hadn’t come, I was about to order takeout. I’ve never been this hungry before!”
“You should have bought some snacks to tide you over after arriving at the company. Mental work also consumes a lot of physical energy.”
Li Xiaoyun joined the conversation, saying, “Mi Cai is relying on you, her boyfriend, isn’t she? And you didn’t disappoint her expectations, delivering afternoon tea like timely rain. I even benefited from it and my mood inexplicably improved…”
“Don’t just think about benefiting from us. Next time when Wang Zheng brings afternoon tea, remember to include Mi Cai’s share…” I finally cracked a joke, but my heart still felt as if it was being torn by jagged edges, causing me pain.
“Such petty calculations…” Li Xiaoyun rolled her eyes at me, put the dessert into her handbag, picked up the milk tea, and said to me, “I’m heading to Xugong Group to handle some business matters. Why don’t you chat with Mi Cai for a while? Don’t let her emotions stay so tightly wound up in work…”
Mi Cai smiled and said, “Director Li, are you indirectly acknowledging my work?”
Li Xiaoyun smiled too, then waved goodbye to us and left the office holding her milk tea… For some unknown reason, with the third person gone, facing Mi Cai alone made my feelings complicated once again. If she hadn’t appeared in my life, what kind of interaction would I have with Jian Wei at this moment? Would I be able to stay by her side and share some of her life’s burdens?
I pulled a chair and sat opposite Mi Cai. She held the milk tea and took a sip before saying to me, “Zhaoyang, after work tonight, I need to go to Yangzhou… I might stay for two or three days.”
“To Yangzhou?… Then how about your work?”
Mi Cai nodded again and replied, “An Zong from Tianyang Group just called me. She plans to travel to Tibet, and before leaving, she wants to meet with me. She has no experience going there, so she wants to ask me for advice and accompany her to buy some emergency supplies for the trip… As for work, I’ve already asked Xiaoyun for leave, and I can make up for it on the weekend after returning.”
“This…”
“Is something wrong? Do you want to come with me?… I think An Zong will definitely welcome you!” Mi Cai said with a smile, clearly in a good mood, looking forward to meeting the woman in red in Yangzhou, as she was one of the few friends Mi Cai could truly confide in.
“I… I think I’ll pass. There’s still a lot of work to do at the coffee shop before opening.”
Mi Cai looked slightly disappointed, “I knew you wouldn’t come, but it’s okay. At this stage, nothing is more important than your career, so you should keep working hard!”
I nodded and replied, “Alright, you should also take care on the road, don’t drive when you’re tired. If you feel sleepy, go to a service station and rest for a while.”
“I know. It’s only a three-hour drive, so don’t worry… However, I’m really looking forward to the gains An Zong will get from this trip to Tibet. These years, she and that man have suffered a lot. I hope they can finally be together after this.”
“Yeah… I heard that man even had a child with his first love and has been divorced…”
Mi Cai looked at me disapprovingly and asked, “What, are you trying to use him as an example, thinking you haven’t caused enough trouble yet?… If it weren’t for love, An Zong would never tolerate those blemishes in his life!”
“I’ve long abandoned my reckless lifestyle. I’m very simple now, you know that… However, An Zong has also given that man a hard time over the past year. I think: they’ve both come to understand in this long-term love battle. Our views as bystanders don’t matter much to them as the people involved. What they want is just to live together in the future… I believe that after going through so much, their love must be filled with tolerance and understanding. What they now possess is a kind of highest-level love, an unbreakable love!”
Mi Cai was silent for a long time, not refuting anything I said. Perhaps she agreed with me, or maybe she just didn’t want to argue with me any further, leaving me to realize it on my own. In fact, compared to the woman in red’s tolerance for that man, she had been very tolerant of me too. After all, I had once made a woman pregnant, lived a chaotic private life, and even caused her to lose Zhuo Mei due to passive negligence. Yet she didn’t leave me because of that, and even cared for me more than before… So, this was the reason why I felt heartache for Jian Wei’s current plight but couldn’t even look back.
…
That evening after sunset, Mi Cai went to Yangzhou alone. I also returned home with a complex mood. I was alone at home because Dad and Mom had gone back to the countryside to visit relatives today… This kind of loneliness, seemingly arranged, suddenly tempted me. I wanted to race against time. If I took the high-speed train now, I could reach Suzhou in just over two hours. I could meet Jian Wei, and still make it back in the morning…
But…
The sky gradually darkened. I cooked some noodles alone and went downstairs to buy some side dishes to go with alcohol. I drank a lot, hoping to forget my troubles with the help of alcohol, so that I wouldn’t think too much in the dead of night and could fall asleep early, then welcome the morning sunlight.
I did exactly that. Before seven o’clock, I lay on the bed with a dizzy feeling. At that time, Mi Cai also sent me a message saying she had arrived in Yangzhou safely. I breathed a sigh of relief and began to feel sleepy amidst the dizziness…
I did fall asleep, but within that short hour, I had nightmares one after another. In one of them, Jian Wei chose to end her life out of despair for life, a scene that startled me awake. I was covered in cold sweat, my palms were damp, and my inner resolve was on the verge of collapsing. I lit a cigarette in the surrounding darkness… I tried to overcome this panic, but the panic kept coming in waves… I put out the cigarette, which I had only smoked halfway, in the ashtray, and my thoughts gradually shifted…
I began to believe that the simultaneous departure of Mi Cai, Dad, and the others today was a hint and an opportunity given by fate. It was fate that wanted me to go to Suzhou and meet Jian Wei. That’s why such a coincidental arrangement existed. If I missed it, I would definitely face the harshest punishment, and I would regret it for the rest of my life…
Driven by this feeling, I became increasingly restless. I left my bed, got dressed, and then took my briefcase and left my residence, taking a taxi to the train station. On the way, looking at the streetlights flashing past behind the car window, a sense of guilt filled my heart. I wanted to give up many times, but an indescribable force drove me again and again to continue moving towards the train station, chasing the direction towards Suzhou… I wasn’t a savior, but I should at least meet her. At least for over a year, we had fought side by side in the business world without involving love, and there was a bond between us beyond romance…
At eight-thirty in the evening, slightly drunk, I boarded the train to Suzhou once again. Looking out the window at the receding darkness, I felt an unprecedented emptiness throughout my body. This emptiness was the result of the pendulum swinging to the extreme. I knew that if I thought too much, I would achieve nothing this night, and this emptiness would alleviate my sense of guilt.
…
At 11 o’clock at night, I arrived in Suzhou once again. During the journey, I had dialed Jian Wei’s phone, but she didn’t answer. So I called Yan Yan’s phone, and she arrived at the train station fifteen minutes later.
We hadn’t seen each other for just a week, but she had visibly lost weight, and her complexion was worse. These were all the results of the bitterness in life. She had it hard, not yet having recovered from her own pain, yet she had to take care of Jian Wei, who was even more desolate than her. Compared to Yan Yan’s personal pain, Jian Wei’s entire family had been destroyed!
Yan Yan and I walked towards the train station parking lot, and she said to me as if expecting it, “Zhaoyang, I knew you would come… You’re not a man like Fang Yuan or Xiang Chen, so you would definitely come!”
“Whether I come or not, I feel pain!… I can only see her, but I have no ability to do anything for her.”
“No one is asking you to do anything for her. Matters of the political arena are beyond our common people’s ability to change. For Jian Wei, your return to see her and give her an encouraging word is enough!”
I was silent for a long time before changing the subject and asking, “Is Jian Wei in Suzhou? I’ve called her twice, but she hasn’t answered…”
“She’s in Suzhou. She went to the company this evening, and maybe she didn’t take her phone with her. Although the news of her mother being placed under investigation hasn’t been reported by the media yet, it’s already spreading within the circle. Clients currently cooperating with her company are all panicking, planning to terminate their contracts with Jian Wei and demanding refunds for the payments already made. Jian Wei has already been overwhelmed by this!”
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