Returning to the cafe, I faced an emptiness on all sides. I finished the lunch that Mi Cai and I had not managed to eat. As I placed the food container into the bag, sunlight poured in from a hidden angle, gently resting on the table. Suddenly, I recalled a summer many years ago. Because of the season, only the sunlight at dusk was gentle back then. We lay on the grass, watching the shade of trees, gazing at the blue sky above, and our days were floating… Probably no one ever imagined that years later, we would carry the pain of breaking up deep in our bones, melting it with the flame of life…
I’m not only talking about myself and Jian Wei, but more about Fang Yuan and Yan Yan. Behind their breakup seems to be the truest reflection of this world. People only see profit, who still cares about how blue the sky once was, how gentle the sunlight was, and how simple we were back then…
Numbness! This world is truly numb. Love withers quickly under the temptation of interest; the environment deteriorates under industrial destruction. Do we really have to wait until we look back and realize the sky no longer has any charm, the grass is withered, before we awaken, realizing we failed to protect what we should have?
I believe one day, even mountains of money won’t buy a single breath of clean air. The world is filled with chaos caused by human desires. Eventually, desires will return to the pursuit of authenticity. But by then, it will already be too late. At that point, both the environment and our souls will have lost their original purity and faith. The world will have degenerated into a borderless sewage ditch!
I took out my phone and found Yan Yan’s number. I wanted to know how she was lately, whether she had recovered from the shadows and become independent and strong.
After a while, Yan Yan answered my call. Her tone was somewhat low, clearly still in pain. She asked me, “Why did you call me?”
“Just wondering if you’re healing in the sunlight or crying in the continuous rain.”
“What do you think?”
“I think it’s the former… because I always thought you were a woman who could pick things up and let them go, and indeed, you did.”
Yan Yan finally replied with a bitter smile, “I’m trying my best to heal… but every day I still hear things about him, intentionally or unintentionally. After hearing so much, I’ve become numb. I can’t even remember what happened between us. Everything feels like a dream full of dark irony. When the dream ends, it might be morning or still night!”
This answer made me realize she was still crying in the continuous rain. After a long silence, I asked, “Yan Yan, have you ever thought about starting a new life in a strange city? There, you won’t hear anything about him anymore, and no one cares about your past. Everything would be brand new…”
Yan Yan interrupted me, “Starting anew is indeed a very tempting phrase, but I can’t leave Suzhou now… Wei Wei needs me!”
A sense of unease spread in my heart as I pressed further, “What’s wrong with her?”
After a moment of silence, Yan Yan finally spoke, “Zhao Yang, I really don’t know whether I should tell you this…”
“What exactly happened to her?”
On the other end of the line, Yan Yan wept softly, “She doesn’t want me to tell you… but I feel so sorry for her. She’s bearing everything alone, and one day she will collapse… After another suffocating silence, she continued, “Zhao Yang, Jian Wei’s mother has been placed under investigation, and her father, Jian Boyu, has already been isolated for review… These days, Wei Wei has been traveling between Suzhou and Shanghai, and she’s exhausted… She can’t take it anymore!”
I was deeply shocked, painfully swallowing my saliva, not knowing how to respond. This piece of news, seemingly unrelated to me, had deeply wounded me…
“Zhao Yang, will you return to Suzhou? You don’t need to do anything. Even just being by her side, saying a few comforting and encouraging words. You should know, you’ve always been her pillar, even though you don’t love her anymore… But she still loves you. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have gotten into this situation with Xiang Chen. Although Xiang Chen is a scumbag, at least he was sincere to Wei Wei!”
The suffocating feeling spread again from my throat into my chest… I seemed to be on the edge of a difficult decision, on the verge of collapse. I dared not imagine how bad Jian Wei must be now, nor could I bear to compare her current state with how glorious and prosperous she once was… I knew deeply: misfortune at home would completely destroy her!
But just two days ago, she had still casually sent me a text message, offering to transfer the bars, inns, and cafes in Xuzhou to me. What kind of belief had supported her to tell me that, while keeping her pain inside, killing herself over and over again!
Yan Yan continued to weep softly. I couldn’t break free from my silence either. The call remained connected, as if it were forcing me to make a statement in the next second. So I buried my pain deep inside, and calmly said to Yan Yan, “I’m also very sorry about what happened to Jian Wei, but I really can’t go back to Suzhou anymore, nor can I do anything for her… I’m sorry, I can’t give up my current life and Mi Cai!”
“Hmph… Are all men so heartless and cruel?… Perhaps Wei Wei understood this, which is why she forbade me from telling you this news, because she doesn’t want to humiliate herself further in her pain…”
“Yan Yan, don’t say that. Please understand my current situation, okay?… Jian Wei and I have long lost the promise of eternal love and unwavering commitment more than three years ago. Our lives can no longer be intertwined and indistinguishable…”
“Yes, even though Wei Wei did so much for you after returning to China, you still held onto the belief that the contract had been terminated, returning everything she gave you… You no longer need her or anything she did for you. Your eyes are only on Mi Cai, the woman who came later. She is the direction of your life. Looking back at Wei Wei is already a sin! Right?”
I remained silent, listening to my own heartbeat about to burst in silence. I once again experienced the helplessness and pain of being wrong no matter what I did. I knew that as long as my body stood by Jian Wei’s side, my soul had already betrayed Mi Cai’s deep love. I couldn’t do it now… Finally enduring the pain of a thousand wounds, I said to Yan Yan, “Everyone must be responsible for their own choices. Jian Wei and I both must accept this inescapable destiny… I beg you to take good care of her and yourself… As for Suzhou and Jian Wei, they are no longer things I can look back upon… I’m sorry!”
I didn’t wait for Yan Yan’s response. I gritted my teeth and hung up the phone. But in the next moment, I couldn’t control myself anymore, painfully holding my head and letting out a painful whimper… I recalled those past moments when we lay on the grass at dusk, hand in hand. It was an excruciating pain… It felt as if I owed her, misunderstood her, and left the pain to the one I once loved the most…
Now, I am with another woman I deeply love, stepping through the shadows of time, through thorns, rushing toward a fragrant place… This fragrant place, I had once held her hand and told her was called Sky City, also known as the most distant town…
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