After cleaning up the leftover chestnut shells, I locked the coffee shop and drove with Mi Cai towards the city center. Thus began this rare evening for us. First, we had spicy grilled fish, and then we went to the cinema with popcorn and cola, enjoying the rare relaxation. I remembered that in Suzhou, watching a movie together was out of the question; even having a meal outside together was a luxury. Every time Mi Cai went home, the meal I prepared for her was already a late-night snack.
In Xuzhou, although we lost our wealth, we gained much leisure time. Actually, for us who rarely see each other, this lifestyle isn’t bad at all!
The movie was of high quality, and we were immersed in its tight plot and stunning visuals, barely exchanging words. Only when the film quieted down near its end did Mi Cai ask me, “Zhaoyang, what do you think of this movie?”
“I think besides the amazing special effects, we should also see in the plot how humans pursue civilization… However, as the movie shows, humans created civilization, but also destroyed it. I feel humans are like machines created by a more advanced civilization. Desire is the virus inside these machines, a virus that cannot be killed. That’s why there are so many destructive wars in this world. I think the core message of this film is to hope that humans can preserve their own civilization and not let the virus of desire destroy the space we live in…”
Mi Cai nodded and said, “I think the same. However, even if humans become extinct, who knows, maybe in a few billion years, similar creatures will appear again, continuously creating and destroying civilization…”
I smiled and said, “Therefore, we all live in a cycle, only losing our original form and consciousness within that cycle…”
Mi Cai grabbed my arm and laughed even more than me, “You’re getting more and more sci-fi now…”
“Who made us watch a sci-fi movie? Anyway, since we got so much more out of the film than others, our movie expense is more valuable than theirs!”
“Are you just comforting yourself?”
I was a bit surprised and asked, “What do you mean by that?”
“Let me break it down for you. This morning, our breakfast cost 15 yuan, I spent 20 yuan on chestnuts in the evening, our dinner was 168 yuan, we spent 300 yuan refueling the car before the movie, and another 126 yuan for the movie tickets. So today’s total expenditure for the two of us is 629 yuan…”
“That much?”
Mi Cai nodded seriously and replied, “Seriously over budget!!”
I realized it was over budget too and sighed, “Truly living the life of daily necessities!! Although we shouldn’t fully count the fuel cost on today’s expenses since it’s enough for several days’ driving…”
“That’s still over budget!!”
Instinctively, I touched my nose and then whispered in Mi Cai’s ear, “By the way, how much salary does Osen Advertising give you per month?”
“You’re only realizing the crisis now? Didn’t you think about controlling our spending before?”
“I admit that, but you haven’t told me Osen Advertising’s salary offer yet.”
“3800 base salary plus performance bonuses.”
I immediately couldn’t stay calm, “Wow, such an unenthusiastic salary package… After working a whole month, it’s not even enough for you to buy a set of cosmetics!”
“In Xuzhou, aren’t assistants generally paid around 3000 yuan? Mine is already considered high!”
Instinctively, I pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Mi Cai’s current salary was really terrible. For instance, with cosmetics, I couldn’t possibly expect her to use Dabao with me. Besides, I wasn’t too clear about her other expenses, but previously, the monthly cost for her skincare alone was at least ten thousand yuan… Although she was naturally beautiful, natural beauty still required maintenance! And she had already gotten used to that kind of spending. For a woman, reducing expenses on cosmetics is undoubtedly the most painful change.
At this moment, I finally felt the troubles within daily life. I only regretted being too wasteful back in Suzhou. If I could have brought back several tens of thousands of yuan to Xuzhou, things wouldn’t be so difficult now, at least we could have sustained ourselves for a while.
Mi Cai and I went to the underground parking lot to retrieve the car, seemingly having already lost the good mood we had earlier. On the way back, both of us were silent… Until we were almost back at the residential complex, I finally said to her, “Let’s not put too much pressure on ourselves. Let me make this clear first: I will definitely work hard to earn money in the future. Regardless of anything else, I at least want to guarantee your previous standard of living.”
Mi Cai smiled and said, “You don’t need to be so deliberate. I can support myself within my salary range… You just focus on running your coffee shop well.”
I remained silent for a long time before replying, “I don’t want to let you down…”
“How can I not be let down?”
I had no words to answer. Actually, since she came back to Xuzhou with me, it had already been a kind of letting down. Our choice was destined to make her sacrifice a lot.
Mi Cai comforted me, “It’s okay… Later, when your coffee shop is running smoothly, our life will become much easier. Besides, my current job is only temporary.”
I seemed to regain some confidence and nodded, “That’s true… I think once everything gets on track, it will be quite easy for us to live a comfortable middle-class life in Xuzhou… But, have we both been a bit too impulsive, throwing everything away from Suzhou so completely? In fact, we haven’t really prepared ourselves mentally yet!”
Mi Cai shook her head and said, “Zhaoyang, let’s not talk about life in Suzhou… And you don’t need to treat me as the same Mi Cai as before.”
Her words made my heart ache, but I didn’t say anything else. I just held her left hand, and together we watched the somewhat desolate winter scenery outside the car window… I really disliked this winter; it had snowed too much and made me lose too many things. I couldn’t wait to see the blooming flowers of the coming spring!
…
After parking the car and going upstairs, I softly opened the door so as not to disturb Baba and Mama, because it was already very late. However, to my surprise, they were still awake, sitting in the living room watching TV, but it seemed more like they were waiting for us.
Indeed, Mama turned off the TV and said to us, “Back already?”
I replied, “Yeah, why are you still up? It’s almost 11 o’clock!”
“This is exactly why we’re waiting for you… Besides, why did you come back so late?”
“We went to see a movie…”
Mama nodded and then said to us, “You two don’t rush to wash up and rest. Your father and I have something to talk to you about.”
Baba coughed, clearly somewhat hesitant. Mama was more straightforward and said to me, “Zhaoyang, there’s something I have to tell you. The property fee for your apartment is due soon, along with the heating fee. Altogether, including various other expenses, it’s more than 6,000 yuan. Also, at the time of renovation, there was a shortage of funds, so your father contributed 50,000 yuan. We’ve discussed it and thought since you and Xiao Mi are already financially independent, maybe you could pay us back this money?”
I was stunned… I never dreamed that my own parents would bring up the renovation costs from back then at a time when I needed money the most!!
Seeing that I didn’t respond, Mama turned to Mi Cai and asked, “Xiao Mi, what do you think? Should we ask you two to pay back that 50,000 yuan for the renovation or not?”
Mi Cai looked troubled, clearly worrying about our current financial situation, which couldn’t possibly cover such an expense. Finally, I spoke up, “Are you two deliberately trying to make things hard for us?… We don’t have that kind of money right now!”
Mama said, “We’re not trying to make things hard for you. Look at Auntie Zhang’s son, Qin Hao, next door. He’s about your age, and he paid for everything from buying the house to the renovation all by himself. His parents had it much easier. Besides, the country doesn’t encourage relying on parents anymore. Isn’t it reasonable for us to ask for that money back?”
“That may be true, but why bring this up now?… You know our situation.”
Finally, Baba spoke up, “We’re asking you for this money just so you understand: even in ordinary days, there are thorns everywhere, and some of these thorns are ones you’d never even imagine. Zhaoyang, you should think carefully about whether you should pay us back and how you’re going to do it.”
With that, Baba signaled to Mama to go to bed, and the pressure was truly piled onto me. I was certain that this idea of asking for the money came from Baba, as it perfectly aligned with his previous advice to me… He just wanted to impose some pressure on my life. In his eyes, I’m a lazy horse that needs to be whipped occasionally to get me running… But I still couldn’t understand, what height does he want me to run to?
As for me? Running this coffee shop filled with my own creativity, is that really a kind of cowardice after being hurt? Or what kind of great undertaking can I actually do in a place like Xuzhou?
Actually, I was just struggling with myself. If I wanted to, I could get a large investment from my current circle of friends to do some legitimate business. Probably Baba saw right through this, which is why he did this… Thinking about it this way, is the ordinary life I pursued really a deliberate act of fearfully avoiding something? Or was it Baba who made the mistake this time?
I felt tired and down… Instinctively, I lit another cigarette, leaned back on the sofa, closed my eyes, and inhaled… Today, this life of daily necessities had just started, but it had already brought me a lot of troubles and doubts.
But right now, I felt really empty, not knowing what kind of mindset I should have to do those big things that others expect of me. If I finally choose to do so, wouldn’t my decision to leave Loku be quite unnecessary? And why did I even come back to Xuzhou?
Amid all these questions, I felt confused!… At this moment, there was a basin of hot water at my feet—it was the foot bath Mi Cai had prepared for me. Once again, I felt the warmth of ordinary life. Could it be that living such a simple life with her really isn’t so bad after all?
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