Driven by my confusion, I asked the village chief again, “Chief, I want to ask you something. This time, besides the 3 million for the road construction, I transferred another 1 million to Mi Cai a few days ago. She said this money was for improving the medical conditions here. You must know about this, right?”
The village chief looked puzzled, “What are you talking about?”
My confusion deepened, but I repeated my question. This time, the village chief firmly told me he had not heard about it. At this moment, I was certain Mi Cai had concealed the whereabouts of this money. Why would she hide it?
I ended the conversation with the village chief with this doubt still in my mind, but I didn’t immediately call Mi Cai to confirm. I understood her personality well; if she had intentionally hidden this, I would never get a satisfactory answer over the phone. I would have to wait until she returned, and then talk to her face-to-face, patiently persuading her until she finally revealed the truth.
Of course, another important reason I wasn’t in a hurry to ask her was because I trusted her. She would never use that 1 million in any questionable way. Besides, it was her private property, and she had the right to decide how to use it. I was merely curious about why she had chosen to hide this from me.
In the bustling crowd, I walked a few more stops and then had a bowl of hot dry noodles for dinner at a nearby noodle shop. As this long day began to wind down, I enjoyed this relaxed moment before everything ended. I lit a cigarette, sat on a wooden horse outside the convenience store, swaying back and forth while gazing into the distance…
In a life where I was always alone, I always found ways to entertain myself and escape the shame of loneliness…
A taxi pulled up across the street. I saw Yan Yan inside, handing change to the driver. I assumed she had come to get back the white Mazda 6 from me.
Yan Yan approached me wearing a thick down jacket. Her complexion had improved slightly compared to when she had just undergone surgery, but only slightly. Even as we stood face-to-face, her eyes remained empty. This emptiness made it difficult for me to find an appropriate opening line that wouldn’t bring up the past.
I jumped off the still-swinging wooden horse and decided to greet her first. I smiled slightly and said, “Good evening… Have you eaten?”
Yan Yan shook her head.
“There’s a noodle shop across the street. Their braised noodles are pretty good. Want to try some?”
Yan Yan finally spoke, “No, Zhao Yang… I’m not hungry. I just wanted to chat with you. I heard from Jian Wei that you’re leaving soon!”
“Yeah, the day after tomorrow… Why don’t we go upstairs and sit for a while? I still have some tangyuan at home. I’ll cook some for you—it’ll warm you up.”
As I spoke, I grabbed the guitar that was leaning in the corner, half expecting her to resist. Instinctively, I took her arm and led her toward the residential complex. Surprisingly, she followed obediently.
As we entered the complex and turned a couple of corners, we saw the ivy on the walls reduced to just its stems. The white Mazda parked beneath the wall became even more conspicuous. Yan Yan stopped and gazed at it silently for a long time. This car had been bought with a loan when she and Fang Yuan were together. It wasn’t just a car; it was a symbol of the motivation and effort of a couple who had once built a life together. This car had its own meaning beyond just being a memory.
Not wanting her to get lost in painful recollections, I urged, “Come on, let’s go upstairs. I’ll cook you some tangyuan. They have red bean paste, your favorite.”
Wiping away tears that had fallen, Yan Yan said softly, “Rather than running away, I’d rather be brave and face these memories head-on. Let the pain tear me apart until there are no more tears left. Then I’ll be fine… Right, Zhao Yang?”
I sighed softly and replied quietly, “You’re right, but it’s too cold out here. Why hurt your body as well? Why not quickly go eat a bowl of hot tangyuan and chat about something else? We’ll forget about the past just like that… Maybe I’ll even have a sudden burst of inspiration and entertain you with witty conversation. You won’t have time to think about all the messy stuff!”
Perhaps my words worked. Yan Yan finally nodded and walked ahead of me toward the stairwell. I remembered the last time she had come here was over a year ago. Back then, Fang Yuan and I had gotten too drunk entertaining clients. She had taken care of Fang Yuan first, then came to this old house late at night by taxi, bringing me a jar of pear soup. But I had vomited all over her. She had spent the whole night running back and forth between me and Fang Yuan.
Memories can truly kill. Thinking of everything that had happened over the years, I felt pained—how much more so for Yan Yan? Returning to this place, she must have recalled the last time she had come here before; and who else, besides me, had troubled her that night!
I poured Yan Yan a cup of hot water first, then found the last bag of tangyuan and went to the kitchen to prepare them. Shortly after, I brought the steaming hot tangyuan to her and pulled up a chair to sit directly across from her, urging her to eat while it was still hot.
I could tell she had no appetite, but to avoid making my efforts in vain, she still picked up the bowl and ate a little. During this, I asked her, “Have you thought about planning your future life these days?”
Yan Yan simply shook her head…
“You really should think about it… Actually, every second of this world is filled with things happening to you. Compared to others who have gone through similar experiences, you’ve actually been quite fortunate. Although this fortune is only material, it is indeed your wealth. You will live comfortably for the rest of your life without worrying about food and shelter, while others are still struggling in their material lives while enduring emotional betrayals, uncertain whether they’ll ever find a way out… So Yan Yan, you should see the fortunate side of yourself and not get stuck in the past. You will definitely live a happier and easier life than most people.”
Yan Yan looked up at me. After a long silence, she said, “…I never imagined my life would change like this. I wasn’t prepared at all, but I have to accept it… You’re right. I do have the 20 million compensation from Fang Yuan, but I don’t want this money. This money is only for atonement. We are guilty, we wronged that child… I want to donate this money to the children who are critically ill. Saving one life at a time is enough. I want to accumulate good karma for myself and also establish a good connection for this unborn child. If there is a next life, I hope he can find the right parents…”
At this point, Yan Yan’s tears were streaming down uncontrollably. Yet, I wanted to urge her to think carefully, because she was clearly not in a rational state of mind. She only wanted to find something to fill the emotional void… She was just too empty!
“Yan Yan, listen to me. You can donate part of this money, but you must keep some to ensure your own livelihood. Otherwise, you will regret it.”
“…I don’t need anything he gave me. I’ve said it before—I am a proud woman. I once gave up my pride to become ordinary for love, and I thought I was great. Now that love is gone, and all that’s left is life itself, I should reclaim my pride… I don’t want to be the kind of woman who lives off divorce compensation and turns into a worn-out housewife. I want to become the Yan Yan I used to be. Do you remember what the old Yan Yan was like?”
I recalled, back in university, Yan Yan had been the busiest person around us. She was not only the president of the student union but also organized a modeling team, leading them to take on part-time jobs outside. Because of her excellent management, the overall quality of the modeling team members kept improving, and they had already gained some fame on campus… In recent years, she had lived in Fang Yuan’s shadow, and we had indeed neglected her too much! She was very capable, but she had made sacrifices for love all along…
Finally, I said to her, “You’re a capable woman. You can definitely rely on yourself to achieve something, like building a career!”
“Yes… Keeping this money with me will only make me feel idle and stuck in the past. Instead, I’d rather donate it all, making the greatest effort to establish a good connection for that child!”
I knew Yan Yan had made this decision during our conversation. She loved that child deeply. Although no one could verify whether there really was such a thing as a good connection in this world, she was still willing to use this large sum of money for this purpose. I wondered how Fang Yuan would feel knowing this—would he feel even a little guilty?
He wouldn’t feel guilty. Otherwise, when Yan Yan begged him to reconsider and save the child, he wouldn’t have cruelly refused!… He trampled on Yan Yan’s dignity and also ended the child’s life!
I sighed softly and said, “You have the right to decide how to use this money. If doing this makes you feel better, then follow your heart… I truly hope to see a confident and successful Yan Yan in the future!”
Yan Yan nodded. After a moment of silence, she said, “Now, the only one left by my side is Wei Wei… Perhaps two women who have suffered similar misfortunes can encourage each other and walk the future path more steadily!”
“Similar misfortunes?”
Yan Yan replied solemnly, “Yes… She and Xiang Chen have completely ended things. Xiang Chen came to see her the day before yesterday, bringing his marriage certificate. Xiang Chen is already married—to a woman named Chu Xinrui. They just haven’t held the wedding ceremony yet!”
I was shocked, “I saw her yesterday, and she didn’t tell me anything…”
“She wouldn’t tell you… Because you have deep misunderstandings about her, and she’s too stubborn to be honest with you… Zhao Yang, do you know? Those photos of you partying in the bars… were all taken by Fang Yuan at Xiang Chen’s request. Xiang Chen had been plotting against you for a long time… I knew this, but I chose not to tell you… Haha, this must be what they call karma. I knew Fang Yuan had a disloyal heart all along, but he was my man. I foolishly protected him, which eventually became my own disaster…”
My heart shattered… Scattered fragments of memories from these years were reassembling themselves. No wonder Fang Yuan kept urging me to let go of Jian Wei. Although Yan Yan also tried to persuade me, she intentionally or unintentionally mentioned Jian Wei’s news to me. I clearly remembered: on the night before her wedding, Jian Wei stayed at her house. She secretly called me and urged me to talk to Jian Wei, but I gave up that precious opportunity… Then came the next day’s misunderstanding, when I told her: Mi Cai was my girlfriend!
If on the night before Yan Yan’s wedding, I had seized the opportunity to talk to Jian Wei, and then met her face-to-face after suppressing my emotions for three years, if I had hugged her and told her: I had always loved her, what would the outcome have been?
Gasping for breath, I asked, “How exactly did Xiang Chen scheme against me?… And what kind of misunderstanding did he create between me and Jian Wei?”
“I don’t know the details. This is all I know… I heard Jian Wei repeatedly calling your name in her dreams, begging you not to misunderstand her… She never betrayed your love in her soul!”
My heart was torn… Yet, in this house shared with Mi Cai, I saw no way to turn back… I couldn’t go back!
“Zhao Yang… I dare not persuade you, nor do I have the position to do so, after all, you already have a new life… But every action has a consequence. The cause between you and Jian Wei was filled with entanglements and struggles. I find it hard to believe that the final result is so simple…”
In the silence where I could hear my own heartbeat, I shook my head and said, “You’re wrong, Yan Yan. The entanglements and struggles were only the process… The cause originated from fate, and the result came from the end of that fate… It’s really that simple—just the rise and fall of fate… There will be no more changes between Jian Wei and me!”
Yan Yan didn’t speak again… We both fell into silence. At this moment, Yan Yan had her own grief, and she was powerless to say much about my relationship with Jian Wei. My silence was because I had set my sights on the future, unwilling to look back… Let’s just say it was the simple rise and fall of fate. Nothing could stop me from returning to Xuzhou… I must have that determination!
…
Late at night, I drove the white Mazda, dropping Yan Yan off at Jian Wei’s place, but I didn’t go up for a while. I watched Yan Yan go upstairs, then left the neighborhood alone, waiting at the gate for a taxi…
Jian Wei had never moved, so this area near the moat was somewhat remote. I waited for a long time but couldn’t hail a taxi. Finally, I decided to run toward the district four stops away, where I could easily find a taxi…
But the more I ran, the more restless I became… I had a premonition that no matter how much I tried to escape, some things would eventually come to light one day, forcing me to face the truth…
I desperately tried to distract myself, imagining how Mi Cai would look when she returned tomorrow. What clothes would she wear? What shoes? Had her mood already recovered from sorrow?… And where exactly had she spent that 1 million?
Under the pressure of so many questions, I finally stopped thinking about the troubling matters, calculating that I still had approximately 18 hours before I could see Mi Cai again… And there were only 18 hours left until my new life began!
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