In the profound night, I once again saw the city’s hazy lights, which stretched in all directions beyond the city. I seemed to see, within these lights, complex inner worlds filled with desires, pursuits, and dreams. In an instant, I followed the distant fireworks from the city, bursting into the sky and gradually calming down, and I also became calm… Just driving, following the car of Mi Cai ahead, from the viaduct to the city center.
Back at the old house, Mi Cai seemed to have put down all burdens. She sat calmly on the sofa. I went to the kitchen and reheated the carefully prepared meals.
When I finished reheating the food, Mi Cai was no longer in the living room. I heard sounds from the bedroom and went to check. It turned out that Mi Cai was already packing her luggage.
She had been severely hurt here. She said she had let go of Zhuo Mei, but how could she completely let go? Therefore, I could understand her eagerness to leave Suzhou and said to her with guilt, “You don’t have to pack so urgently. You know I have many ongoing projects to handle. Leaving Luko will require a long handover process. By the time I actually leave, it will almost be the New Year.”
“Then I will go to Xuzhou first and wait for you.”
I couldn’t tell whether Mi Cai was joking or being serious. I just looked at her, not knowing how to respond.
Mi Cai seemed not to care about my lack of response and continued packing her clothes, as if to reaffirm her determination to leave Suzhou. After a while, I finally said, “Before I go back to settle things with my father and my mom, Xuzhou is a dangerous place. Are you brave enough to go?”
“Then I will go to Xuzhou first and wait for you.”
I couldn’t tell whether Mi Cai was joking or being serious. I just looked at her, not knowing how to respond.
Mi Cai seemed not to care about my lack of response and continued packing her clothes, as if to reaffirm her determination to leave Suzhou. After a while, I finally said, “Before I go back to settle things with my father and my mom, Xuzhou is a dangerous place. Are you brave enough to go?”
Mi Cai finally stopped packing and looked up at me.
I suggested, “You also need some time to wrap up things with Zhuo Mei here, right? Why don’t you go somewhere else to relax first? Your nerves have been too tight for a whole year!”
Mi Cai thought for a moment, found my suggestion reasonable, and asked, “Where do you think is a good place to relax?”
For some reason, I instinctively thought of that small village in Guizhou, where the people were simple and kind, and there was a quiet strength. I blurted out, “The small village where the girl grew up is quite nice. The scenery is good too. You like photography, right? There are so many good materials there!”
Mi Cai nodded in agreement and said, “Let’s go there…”
I was taken aback, just remembering that not only was the scenery there good, it was also a place that could heal people, but there was also Wei Manwen. This seemed like a sore point. But thinking again, Wei Manwen wasn’t a sore point for Mi Cai. On the contrary, having her there would be a comfort for Mi Cai, making me feel more at ease. I ignored the despair and pain she had brought to Luo Ben and said to Mi Cai, “Then go ahead, and by the way, help me do two things.”
“What things?”
“One thing has been delayed by me for a long time. Our company has a payment of three million yuan for Le Yao’s micro-film shooting, and Le Yao herself wants to use this money to help build a road from the small village to the outside world, but it hasn’t been implemented yet. So I want you to help me give this money to the local village committee in Le Yao’s name, so that they can fulfill this long-standing dream as soon as possible…”
“Okay, no problem. What’s the second thing?”
I hesitated slightly and replied, “Help me ask Teacher Wei if she went to the airport to see Luo Ben off on the day he left. I seemed to see her, but I only saw her back and couldn’t confirm it.”
This time, Mi Cai did not immediately respond, perhaps because she thought it was not something worth pursuing.
I continued, “Actually, I don’t have any special intention, just out of curiosity.”
“If I remember, I will help you ask, okay?”
I indeed did not regard the second matter as something that must be done. I nodded and then pulled Mi Cai up from the bed, asking her to have dinner with me. The winter temperature was low, and after chatting for a while, the food I had just reheated was getting cold again.
…
That night, we lay in bed, not saying much, and neither of us could fall asleep quickly. We both knew deeply that no matter what the future held, the events of today would be remembered by us for a lifetime, because Mi Cai lost Zhuo Mei today, and I lost nearly a decade of brotherhood, seeing through the vicissitudes of human nature.
It was already past midnight. I turned over and wanted to hug Mi Cai beside me, but my hand accidentally touched her cheek. I felt it was wet—she was crying, but she didn’t let me notice.
My heart was once again overwhelmed with mixed emotions. The matter of Zhuo Mei couldn’t simply be erased from her heart. Sometimes, pretending to see through things is just a choice made out of fear of further pain. I could imagine that if it weren’t for my attachment, she definitely wouldn’t have made the decision to give up Zhuo Mei so easily. She loved me, just as I loved her, loving me to the point of changing her values… But the immature me had often mocked her with words, saying she had sold her soul to Zhuo Mei, and even hated her for it.
Actually, I didn’t understand her well enough. To me, she should have been the best woman in the world because she gave me the best of herself, while I did many things poorly… At this moment, I even felt ashamed and indignant on her behalf. She shouldn’t have met me, and our fates shouldn’t have been entangled because of this old house… I deeply knew that I wasn’t an excellent man, but deep down, I had something I couldn’t even explain to myself, which always made the women around me either hate me, miss me, or love me… The only way to sever this entanglement would be not to meet…
I hugged her tightly, whispered softly in her ear, “If you can’t let go of Zhuo Mei in your heart, you don’t have to consider my feelings, nor should you force yourself to live a life that may not truly bring you happiness. We can go together and find a way to get back the Zhuo Mei that originally belonged to you!!”
My words touched her inner wound, and her emotions were released. She cried bitterly in my arms, sobbing, “Even if I can’t bear to let go… once I’ve chosen to let go, I have to let go… Zhaoyang, I love Zhuo Mei deeply, and I love you deeply too… Zhuo Mei has already made me choose painfully, can’t you let me avoid another painful choice…”
“No, I promise… In this life, I have decided on you.” I held her even tighter, knowing deeply that I could not betray her.
After I finished speaking, she cried even more bitterly. I knew she was hurt, truly wounded in this battle over Zhuo Mei. Compared to Fang Yuan’s betrayal of me, her pain from being schemed against by Mi Zhongde and his daughter was probably even harder to bear, because Mi Zhongde and his daughter were her only family in this world, while my brothers were not limited to just Fang Yuan.
When the pain tormented her, I was her only support. The sense of security she needed in this world could only be obtained by relying on my arms and licking her wounds…
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