Jian Wei parked the car and got out with Yan Yan, one by one, from either side of the car. I looked at them but said nothing.
Inside the restaurant, Yan Yan and Jian Wei sat on one side. As soon as they settled down, Yan Yan turned to me and said, “Tell us, why did you quit your job? Just yesterday, Fang Yuan told me that you were practically confirmed as the leader of the planning copywriting team at Baoli Department Store. This is too sudden and makes no sense at all!”
“I’ve been drifting around for so many years and I’m tired now. I just want to go back home,” I smiled lightly.
Yan Yan’s expression was serious as she said, “That definitely isn’t the truth. Zhao Yang, if you have any difficulties, just tell me, okay?”
“Now that I’ve already quit my job, there’s really no need for you to dig deeper. Just promise me you can tell Fang Yuan that I’m not the kind of scumbag who flatters women or betrays his superiors and friends for personal gain… I’m going back to Xuzhou in a few days. I won’t take anything with me from this city because I haven’t gained anything here, including the benefits Fang Yuan thinks I wanted. I’m leaving cleanly and with nothing.” I said this, ignoring the presence of the two women, lit a cigarette, and felt a deep sense of sadness. As I was truly about to leave this city empty-handed, I realized that I had wasted the most important years of my life aimlessly, and so I could only return from Suzhou to Xuzhou carrying nothing but a useless body.
Yan Yan waved her hand to disperse the smoke I exhaled and said excitedly, “Zhao Yang, I don’t understand. You’ve finally seen a future for yourself in this city and at your company. Why did you quit your job? Why have you decided to go back to Xuzhou? Even if you’ve quit, you can still find another job, can’t you? Are you really willing to leave Suzhou in such a defeated manner?”
Her words hit a nerve, and I was silent for a long time before replying, “I’ve always lived in a defeated way. What do I have to feel unwilling about?”
At this moment, Jian Wei, who had been silent, finally spoke up, “If you go back, what about your girlfriend?”
I was somewhat surprised. Perhaps Yan Yan hadn’t told Jian Wei that Mi Cai wasn’t actually my girlfriend.
Jian Wei kept looking at me, waiting for my response, so I turned to Yan Yan. She gave me a look that confirmed she hadn’t told Jian Wei about this.
I then said, “Break up, of course. Isn’t that just a sentence? Who still expects to have a love that lasts until old age these days!”
I said this emotionally because when Jian Wei and I broke up, she had simply and decisively said just one word to me: “Break up.”
Jian Wei looked at me once again with that complex expression, just like the one she had the last time before she accepted Xiang Chen’s confession.
This time, I didn’t avoid Jian Wei’s gaze but met her eyes directly. Our many years of feelings had collapsed because of her single word of “break up.” Was there still any need to care about the love that never truly existed with Mi Cai?
Yan Yan looked awkwardly between me and Jian Wei, and finally, after a silence, I asked Jian Wei, “Why did you come looking for me with Yan Yan?”
Jian Wei didn’t answer, so Yan Yan explained for her, “Jian Wei has been in Suzhou these days. We had plans to do SPA together tonight, so we just had dinner together.”
I nodded, thinking this was a reasonable explanation. Still, I was curious why Jian Wei hadn’t left Suzhou yet, but I decided not to ask because it had nothing to do with me.
…
During the meal, the topic was brought up again. Yan Yan earnestly said to me, “Zhao Yang, please think carefully about leaving Suzhou. Going back to Xuzhou means everything is uncertain…”
I shook my head and said seriously to Yan Yan, “There’s no need to think about it anymore. Leaving this city is the best choice for me right now. I’m really happy that you invited me out for this meal. At least I’m not completely alone; there are still people who care about me.”
Yan Yan sighed, her voice somewhat choked up, “I’ve always considered you my little brother. Isn’t it just that I’m reluctant to see you leave? Watching you struggle alone for so many years, finally seeing hope, and then suddenly quitting your job… Sigh! What is going on!”
Yan Yan’s words made me feel terrible, and I didn’t want to make her feel sad anymore, so I forced a smile and said, “You’ve already become a married woman, so stop calling me your little brother all the time. I’m still in my prime youth, blooming gloriously!”
Yan Yan gave a bitter smile and didn’t say anything else. Indeed, there was nothing more to say because everything had already been decided. Staying here might not necessarily be right, and going back to Xuzhou might not necessarily be wrong. The only thing I hoped for now was that Fang Yuan could understand me. Perhaps in several years, when I come back to Suzhou, we could still greet each other as brothers.
After the meal, Jian Wei drove Yan Yan away, while I stood alone at the restaurant’s entrance without leaving. I once again pulled the thin film from the cigarette box, covered my eyes with it, and looked up at the stars. Apart from the brightly lit sky illuminated by neon lights, I still couldn’t find that crystal-clear city, nor could I see the woman with long hair cascading over her shoulders.
Smoking while walking along the bustling streets with the crowd, I didn’t know how many streets I had crossed before returning to my place. Mechanically, I opened the door and was too lazy to wash up, so I wrapped myself tightly in the blanket with my clothes still on, trying to find a little bit of scarce security in the suffocating atmosphere.
The night had already become unbearably deep, and the only thing that made me feel connected to this world—the mobile phone—rang again. I listened numbly but didn’t want to answer the call.
The ringtone persisted, ringing over and over again. Irritated, I finally threw off the blanket, grabbed the phone from the table, and intended to remove the battery to gain some peace. However, I accidentally noticed that the caller was Leyao, someone I hadn’t been in touch with for a long time.
Hesitating, I still answered the call and immediately heard Leyao’s complaining voice, “Zhao Yang, why did it take you so long to answer the phone?”
“Asleep,” I vaguely replied.
Leyao didn’t dwell on the fact that I took a long time to answer the call. Instead, she cheerfully said to me, “Guess where I am now?”
I wasn’t in the mood to guess and asked along with her words, “Where?”
“Guess!”
“Surely not in Hengdian anymore,” I said.
Leyao laughed happily and said, “I’m back in Suzhou… and I’m staying in a hotel now!”
Surprised, I asked, “Back in Suzhou! Did you finish filming your drama so quickly?”
“No, the crew is going to shoot scenes at the Humble Administrator’s Garden in Suzhou, so I followed them back here legally and properly.”
“Oh, then when you have time, I’ll treat you to a meal.”
“The filming at the Humble Administrator’s Garden is only during the daytime, so I’m free in the evenings. So, please treat me to dinner tomorrow night.”
“Okay, call me after you finish work tomorrow,” I said.
That would be good too. Before leaving Suzhou, I still had the chance to say goodbye to Leyao. But thinking about how I failed to grasp the opportunity she had worked hard to get for me, I felt another wave of guilt.
“Okay, then wait for my call… Oh, by the way, I want to eat bamboo-tube chicken at A Lin Restaurant.”
I smiled and said, “You really know how to enjoy food!”
“Throughout one’s life, one will always meet one or two foodies. Obviously, the foodie you met is me.”
“Alright, no problem. I miss the bamboo-tube chicken too!”
“Hmph, then from now on I’ll start looking forward to it!” Leyao said with real anticipation in her voice, which further proved that she was indeed a foodie.
“Look forward to it. It would be even better if we could have some wine together.”
“That’s possible… It’s getting late, I’ll go to sleep first. Waiting for your invitation tomorrow.”
…
After ending the call with Leyao, I looked out the window at the moonlit sky once again, my heart filled with anticipation for tomorrow, though I wasn’t sure whether it was for meeting Leyao, the bamboo-tube chicken, or the few cups of white wine that hadn’t yet touched my lips.
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