Vehicles whizzed past at high speed on the highway, indifferent to the pain that Mi Cai and I were experiencing. Yet our pain was so real, burning between us like flames, leaving us both scarred and broken.
Mi Cai held me tightly as I sobbed, unable to respond to her, and whispered softly, “Zhaoyang, stop crying. Listen carefully to this song…”
Her tenderness gradually calmed me down. I seemed to catch a glimpse of hope that perhaps this wasn’t really a breakup after all, and the melody of the song became clearer: “Even if there are a thousand songs in the days to come, drifting along my journey ahead, even if there are a thousand bright stars in the nights to come, shining brighter than tonight’s moon, none could compare to the beauty of this night, nor could they give me greater delight…”
Finally, I said to her, “The separation described in the song is too regretful… so regretful that it shouldn’t be sung so beautifully! It’s like a fabricated beauty…”
Mi Cai nodded and said, “That’s why you misunderstood me. Why would I punish you for someone else’s mistake? You are my man. If you made a mistake, then it’s my mistake too. We should stand together and face the world that is always filled with farewells… I’ve already lost Zhuo Mei, how could I possibly lose you too!”
I stared at her in shock… I had thought she already hated me completely.
Mi Cai let go of me and stood up from the ground. She looked again at that distant horizon, a place so dark even light couldn’t penetrate. After a long while, she finally said, “I’ve been standing here for a long time, listening to this song over and over again… I think the reason Dad liked it was because he felt regret—regret for having believed that even partings could be beautiful. In this world, there is absolutely no such thing as a farewell that can be faced with a smile… Dad missed Mom, so he always listened to this song. It’s just like how you always listen to ‘Runaway’—because a song always reminds you of certain past moments… I shouldn’t repeat this regret anymore. Perhaps Zhuo Mei wasn’t even Dad’s greatest love…” She turned around and looked at me again, asking, “Zhaoyang, do you understand what I’m saying?”
My mind seemed to freeze. I couldn’t bear the impact this night had brought me. I just stared at Mi Cai, and after a long silence, slowly shook my head, telling her I didn’t understand what she was trying to express…
“…I’m going to give up Zhuo Mei. I won’t say it’s a complete awakening, but at least it’s an understanding. No matter how good Zhuo Mei is, it’s still just Zhuo Mei. It can’t replace the feelings between people. It only keeps lifting me higher and higher, and I haven’t seen the scenery below for a long time… not even daring to have children! This isn’t the kind of life I want. It never has been.”
Finally, I felt like I could breathe the air of this world again, although it was so cold, it saved my life and let me see hope in this world.
Mi Cai held my hand, filled with sincerity, and said, “Zhaoyang, let’s start a normal life… I’ve already made up my mind. I’ll leave Zhuo Mei to Uncle and my sister. I’ll give them my shares for free. I don’t want to take anything with me, nor do I want to add any financial burden to Zhuo Mei. As long as Zhuo Mei can thrive in their hands, it will be the continuation of Dad’s legacy, right?”
Feeling the strength from her hand, I knew this was a difficult decision for her. I don’t know what force compelled me, but I nodded at her…
Mi Cai smiled, but tears streamed down her face. She choked up and said, “…Then let’s live an ordinary life. In a few days, we’ll go back to Xuzhou together and stay by Uncle and Aunt’s side, fulfilling their long-held wish…”
I just looked at her, listening to her speak. She had indeed seen through many, many things at this place where Mi Zhongxin had left.
She continued, “Zhaoyang, let’s go back to Xuzhou. I want to find a more relaxing job first, so I can use my spare time to prepare for the civil service exam. In the future, I’ll have a lot of time to accompany you. We can travel around the country. It’s been a really long time since we last took our photography equipment out to experience the beautiful landscapes and cultural geography of our country!”
Her decision shocked me… This was a life of calmness that couldn’t be calmer, yet it was exactly what I had always longed for. She was adapting to the lifestyle I pursued…
My mind suddenly became clear, and without hesitation, I replied, “Okay, okay… Let’s live in Xuzhou. In the future, I’ll open a cafe or a bar. When you’re tired from work every day, I’ll brew coffee for you and sing songs for you to listen to.”
“Great… I can also brew coffee and sing songs for our customers… Our cafe will definitely be very popular!! Oh, and maybe we’ll meet CC during our future travels. Since we’ll be going to many places, maybe she’ll also open a bar. She loves singing so much…”
When Mi Cai even mentioned CC, I believed she no longer cared so much about all the pain of this evening. What she was looking forward to was only the future life and some small pleasures in it!
Finally, I turned sorrow into joy, wiping away my previous tears and snot in one sweep, and said, “If CC knew that your life now is so ordinary yet so free, she would be so surprised that she couldn’t even sing well anymore…”
“Really?…” Mi Cai smiled, but her expression turned serious again as she said to me, “Zhaoyang, let’s leave quietly, without disturbing anyone. You mustn’t go looking for Fang Yuan and Xiang Chen… We don’t need any explanations, and they won’t feel remorseful. On the contrary, we should thank them. It was them who enabled us to pursue a life we’ve always wanted to seek but lacked the courage and conditions to pursue.”
I was silent for a long time before saying, “Before leaving, I still want to see him one last time… We’ve had nearly ten years of friendship, but now it’s worth nothing, like crap. I want him to tell me in person why he did this… I don’t need anything else except this answer, or else it will be a wound that I can never heal for the rest of my life…”
As I reached this point, my world was once again filled with pain. I couldn’t forget everything we had experienced in the past ten years. I couldn’t forget how, in college, we sat in a dimly lit small restaurant, full of youthful ambition, talking about the future and vowing to carry each other’s burdens… Now he had trampled my future underfoot, and I nearly died in despair!! I still wanted to tell him that heaven watches what people do, and one day he will be punished for trampling on my heartfelt devotion!!
Mi Cai looked at me and held my hand tighter again, saying, “If you insist on going to see him, I won’t stop you… I’m just afraid you’ll suffer more. Perhaps all he will show you is the smug face of a petty man who has temporarily succeeded.”
I fell into silence again. Mi Cai and I had already decided to pursue a completely new life, free of our past. Was it still meaningful for me to seek an explanation?
But I wanted to hear him tell me in person, “Behind human nature, everything changes like the white clouds and the dogs in the sky…”
After accepting the fact of betrayal, my worldview underwent a complete transformation. I saw through many details, and Fang Yuan’s calculated moves made me feel the evil in human nature. What supported him, allowing him to wear a shameless mask and manipulate me at will?
…
The flashing lights of a police car approached us. I knew the traffic police had come because of the red-clad woman. I asked Mi Cai, “How fast were you driving just now?”
“Very fast!”
As long as she was by my side, I could still manage a smile. I tightened my grip on her hand and said, “Before leaving Suzhou, we’ll have to retake our driving tests… I’m sure we’ve used up all 12 points!!”
She was momentarily stunned, then realized what I meant and smiled, saying, “Then maybe we won’t take the test. Riding a bicycle to work is pretty good too!”
“Truly the life of ordinary people… But, when we go out and travel in the future, someone will have to drive, right?”
“Then you take the test. I don’t want to. I’ll just ride a bicycle or an electric scooter.”
“You’re not kidding?”
“Of course not…”
As Mi Cai spoke, she turned around, opened the car door, and took out her driver’s license. Then she went to my car and took mine as well. Seeing her ready to turn herself in actively, I exchanged a smile with her. We could actually find some joy on this black highway filled with pain and indifference. Perhaps it wasn’t just joy—we were already adapting in advance to the new life that was about to come.
Two traffic police officers came to us, sternly scolding us for violating traffic regulations and lacking safety awareness. They criticized us for making mistakes yet still being able to laugh. Mi Cai and I indeed lowered our heads and smiled, but our laughter wasn’t because we weren’t remorseful about breaking the traffic laws. We were just happy that, after this crazy act, we were still alive, still decided to stay together, and had set the direction for our future lives… So, why shouldn’t we laugh?
…
After experiencing this thrilling night, my life’s direction was finally set. It was truly time for me to say goodbye to this city, and also to Jian Wei and the company Luko. At this moment, nothing was more important than being with Mi Cai. I think when Dad and Mom learn about Mi Cai’s and my decision, they will be overjoyed, because when Mi Cai sheds all her glory, she becomes exactly the kind of daughter-in-law my parents have always wanted.
Life is unpredictable. We really are going back to Xuzhou to build a family, staying by Dad and Mom’s side, fulfilling our filial duties while also enjoying the pleasures of an ordinary life… At this moment, I seemed to see my life being split into two halves at the place where Mi Zhongxin passed away. The half that represented the past had already been torn apart by the cold wind here. In the remaining half of my life, I will take good care of his daughter in the days of simplicity. In our lives, there will never again be those fabricated beautiful farewells!
And all the love, hate, and emotional entanglements will be left in this city that has made me endlessly desperate, to rot, and finally turn into soil, into dust, and vanish…
I seemed already to see the smiling faces of Dad and Mom waiting for us to return… The cafe I had envisioned was already being decorated in the foreseeable future…
As for everything I currently possess, it will be returned together with my initial failure to hold onto my love with Jian Wei… I have already decided to start a new life, and it’s time to forget everything about her!!
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