The winter nights were bitterly cold, unsuitable for staying outdoors for long, yet we still stayed on this square for a long time. No matter what my life will become in the future, I will never forget this place, because here lie many memories of Mi Cai and me. We made our life here very casual, so we often came to play go-karting. When we couldn’t find a way out in love, we came here to guide each other. This place carries our playfulness, and it also helped us become more grounded.
Looking back on our journey, I realized that we had indeed experienced too much hardship. At this moment, her leaning against my chest was the greatest blessing heaven had given me. I never wanted to lose her again, the greatest longing in my life.
Thinking of this, my sense of crisis erupted again, so I tightly embraced her, stroking the back of her neck over and over again with my right hand, wishing I could hold her in the palm of my hand forever, never letting go.
She seemed to understand what I was thinking, leaning her soft cheek against my face. We then shared warmth, as if saying goodbye to the loneliest time in our lives, ignoring the passage of time here, seeking the feeling of relying on each other for survival!
Yes, we needed to rely on each other for survival in this indifferent and restless world!
The cold wind could not take away the warmth we generated from leaning on each other. She whispered softly in my ear, “Zhaoyang, please be my final faith in life.”
I suddenly felt like shedding tears… I could only nod in response… At this moment, I could no longer remember how hard the past years had been, how much I had wanted to break myself apart in life!
For a while, I sang the song “Elopement” in her ear with a choked voice… without the guidance of accompaniment, I sang a version full of affection, something I had never known was possible, to sing it with such a feeling!
“In the city of desire, you are my final faith. Don’t be sad anymore; I see hope. Do you still have the courage to leave with me? I want to elope with you, rushing to the farthest town to become the happiest people…”
With the strongest conviction, I sang this song into her ear until the end. Her tears flowed even more violently than mine, sliding down her cheeks, through my shirt, falling into the collar, finally losing the strength to go further, resting on my heart, “Thump, thump,” beating… beating out longing, beating out faith!
…
At the exit of the square, Mi Cai said goodbye to me. She had to meet the woman in red tonight. She still had some things to discuss thoroughly with the woman in red to ensure everything would go smoothly tomorrow, so she had no intention of going home tonight. Of course, I could understand her, and as for this night, I was already very satisfied!
I didn’t want to delay Mi Cai’s important matters, so I declined her offer to accompany me back, and walked towards our residence alone. In fact, I rarely had the mood and opportunity to take a walk late at night anymore. Every time I did, I could calm down and think about many things, untangling the knots in life that seemed impossible to solve.
Actually, the square wasn’t far from our residence, but I deliberately took a detour because without Mi Cai’s company tonight, my eagerness to go home had greatly diminished. I wanted to use this extra walking distance to untangle more troubling issues within myself.
Late at night, I walked to the moat. I never expected to see Jian Wei’s car parked by the riverside at this time. It was already so late at night; shouldn’t she be with Xiang Chen, who had just returned to the country?
This was an encounter that left me extremely conflicted. I could indeed walk past quietly, but at such a late hour, she definitely hadn’t come here out of a good mood. On the contrary, she was probably experiencing excruciating pain. Recently, too many things had happened to her, and she probably couldn’t bear it anymore. Therefore, her silhouette reflected in the river was so lonely and helpless…
She seemed to have a natural sense of my presence. Although I stood silently without a sound, she actually turned her head around, and our gazes met. Under the streetlight, I saw it clearly—her face was full of tear marks… Before I arrived, she had been alone, crying bitterly in front of this cold river!
It seemed like fate had arranged it this way, and I had no reason to leave. So I stepped onto the withered lawn and walked towards her. Gradually, only a single floor tile separated us. I could even feel her breath, yet I didn’t know what to say.
She threw herself into my arms, crying uncontrollably… I wanted to push her away, telling her this was just a chance encounter, that I hadn’t come here intending to save her… But my heart wavered, and my hands wouldn’t move. Her crying was like handcuffs, restricting my movements… Yet reality cruelly reminded me that I was no longer the man from a few years ago who could take her away on an elopement…
She seemed to find security in me, her fingers through my thick jacket, as if trying to dig into my flesh. I felt suffocated—not just physically, but spiritually as well!
Rationality gradually overcame emotion. I gripped her arms and used all my strength to push her away from me, gasping, “Jian Wei, please don’t do this…”
She sobbed, “I’m sorry, I lost control… I know, a man’s shoulders can never carry two women!”
“It’s I who should apologize… I really can understand how you feel now… But you shouldn’t be standing here alone, shedding helpless tears… Xiang Chen has returned; you should go find him and talk to him about your difficulties.”
Jian Wei gave a bitter smile: “Has he returned?… No, I know he hasn’t come looking for me… Whether he looks for me or not doesn’t matter anymore.”
Jian Wei’s response sent a shiver through my heart. The image of that woman named Chu Xinrui, whom I had met at the airport today, suddenly appeared in my mind… What exactly was the relationship between Xiang Chen and that woman?
I couldn’t bring this up with Jian Wei, so I fell into silence filled with unease…
The wind was strong at night, quickly drying her tears. Yet the salty tears had left a reddish mark on her cheeks. She bit her lip and finally, with great difficulty, said to me, “Zhaoyang, haven’t you always wanted to leave Lukou?… I’ll give you a sum of money. Take the Artistic Path project and leave—quickly!”
I felt a bit dazed… Looking at her face, it was as if the melody of “Elopement” came from the farthest distance, but only the melody remained, the lyrics were gone…
Her eyes were filled with determination: “Leave with the Artistic Path project… I hope you can realize your dream… I can’t walk with you anymore. No matter where I am in the future, I will silently follow this path, trying to reach its end… Because you once told me, at its end, there would be a clean and transparent city!”
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