I wiped my face and sat up on the bed, looking at Luo Ben and asking, “Did you hit your head hard? … Do you still recognize me, your buddy?”
“Zhaoyang.”
I sighed in relief and asked again, “Why didn’t you say anything after waking up?”
Luo Ben didn’t answer but sat up from the bed. Without waiting for the nurse, he reached out and pulled the IV needle from his arm. After touching his head and shaking it slightly, he staggered toward the bathroom, leaving behind a bewildered back view.
Seeing his relatively clear state, I judged that he might have been awake for quite some time. Whether or not he had heard what Meicai and I had said about Wei Manwen remained unknown.
A moment later, Luo Ben walked out of the bathroom, picked up the cigarette I had left on the cabinet, and prepared to light it. I quickly stopped him and said, “Don’t smoke. I’ll call the doctor to check you.”
Luo Ben pushed me away with his uninjured right arm, lit a cigarette, took a puff, and said, “Don’t call yet. I need to ask you something.”
“Go ahead.”
“Did you call Manwen?”
His first question was one that made me feel uneasy and impossible to hide. After his car accident, it would have been unreasonable for me not to call Wei Manwen, so I nodded and said, “Yes, I did.”
“When is she coming back?”
I hesitated for a long time before finally saying, “Luo Ben, listen to me…”
“You’re hesitating again. Just say it straight. What can’t I, Luo Ben, endure after living this long?”
I thought of how strong Luo Ben was and gritted my teeth before finally saying, “Teacher Wei has decided to stay in that small village and won’t be coming back… Actually, she had already quit her job before she left!”
Luo Ben’s hand holding the cigarette began to tremble. Two streams of tears flowed down his face, and then we cried together… crying like fools, like children!
Amid his painful sobs, I again recalled the scene when Jian Wei told me we were breaking up. That kind of pain could tear a person apart completely. I would never forget how I had sat in a dark corner, crying bitterly. Although I had said I could endure everything, that was just pretense in front of others. I feared that my unreasonable outbursts alone would become mutual suffering, so I pretended to be brave, throwing the pain of the breakup onto my not-so-generous heart to endure and suffer alone.
I took the nearly burnt-out cigarette from between Luo Ben’s fingers, put it out, and threw it into the trash bin without saying a word to comfort him, just listening…
Suddenly, Luo Ben stopped crying, got up, and ran out of the ward. I quickly followed him, anxiously asking, “Where are you going?”
Luo Ben didn’t respond but turned into the emergency exit, frantically climbing toward the hospital rooftop. This action startled me so much that I chased after him at the fastest speed I could muster, catching up with him before he reached the top. I shouted angrily, “Have you gone mad? I know you’re in pain now, but don’t do anything stupid. You’re not living just for yourself!!”
Luo Ben was breathing heavily, bent over in pain, swallowing hard, and finally half-smiling, half-seriously said, “…I just wanted to stand high and see what lies behind human nature.”
“Didn’t you say you’d let her go? Why are you making yourself like this!”
“I couldn’t stop her from leaving, but I can’t stop the pain in my heart either… Zhaoyang, let me go. I promise I won’t do anything reckless. I swear I won’t jump!”
“That’s not happening. If I let you go up there, I won’t be able to stop you… Without any reason or evidence, don’t make wild promises to me. I’m not some girl!” I twisted Luo Ben’s arm behind his back, pressed my leg against his lower abdomen, and held him tightly while nervously saying.
“Get off me…” Luo Ben struggled fiercely but was helpless with one hand injured, trapped under my armpit without being able to move.
During the struggle, Luo Ben suddenly lost his strength, collapsing to his knees. I seized the opportunity to hoist him over my shoulder and walked back, finally feeling that I had fulfilled my promise to Leyao to take care of Luo Ben. In fact, I knew better than anyone how hot-tempered he was. In such pain, he might really go to extremes.
…
In the ward, the doctor examined Luo Ben again and confirmed that after a few more days of recovery, he could be discharged. My tightly wound nerves finally relaxed. I took out my phone and played a song Luo Ben had written himself. Titled “Perfume Sea,” this song had a very slow rhythm. I hoped it would calm him down and help him see his own value. Even though he had lost the woman he had wanted to spend his life with, he was still that talented rock music guru.
Luo Ben sat on the bed, listening to the melody he had composed without showing any expression, finally calming down.
I finally said to him, “Think about what comes next… Maybe CC is in another unfamiliar city, suffering even more than all of us!”
Luo Ben looked at me but didn’t speak.
I continued, “Anyway, you probably won’t be holding your concert this year. Use this time quickly to go find her.”
Luo Ben shook his head…
“If you go now, there’s still a chance to make up for it. If you wait too long, it’ll become a lifelong regret!”
Luo Ben lit another cigarette, took a puff, and said, “Bringing her back would only mean walking the same old path I had with Manwen again… I’ve seen through it all, and I’ve accepted it. Isn’t love just like that? It doesn’t matter who you’re with or if you’re alone—it’s still a lifetime. There’s no need to force anything.”
Luo Ben seemed to have lost his spirit in this pain. He didn’t say anything particularly profound, but it was enough for me to see that his heart had completely died. He pressed the half-burnt cigarette into the ashtray and suddenly said, “Zhaoyang, lend me a million…”
“What do you need such a large sum for?”
“I want to go to the U.S. for a few years to improve my musical skills… Maybe I’ll retreat backstage later and become a music producer.”
In an instant, I saw how aged Luo Ben’s heart had become. He seemed to have shed his arrogance and become more down-to-earth, but this transformation had come far too late. Wei Manwen, who had once longed for security from him, had already missed the chance to witness it. Thus, we bystanders felt even more sorrow and grief for them, almost seeing the price paid after love’s collapse.
Luo Ben continued, “I spent most of what I earned in the past half year on buying a house and a car. After I leave, help me sell both to repay the million you lent me.”
“You can handle the selling of the house and car yourself. Why rush so much? Are you really not leaving any chance for yourself and CC?”
Luo Ben laughed bitterly, “Only by saying goodbye can you get another beginning. If we’re destined to meet again, I’ll meet her in the U.S. If not, then may we both live peacefully… For the next few years, I just want to focus on improving my musical skills. This choice may seem painfully bleak, but it’s the best one for me… Haha, maybe after a few years of settling down, I, Luo Ben, will become a man who understands life… Zhaoyang, as my brother, please do me one more favor. Tell Manwen for me: I hope she can come to the airport to see me off on the day I leave… I think, if I can see her living a happier and more fulfilling life, I can leave with peace of mind!”
I remained silent for a long time before finally nodding and saying, “Alright, I’ve always believed in fate. Since you’ve decided to leave everything to fate, I’ll definitely help you with whatever you ask… Actually, you and CC are the same kind of people—both ready to leave at a moment’s notice, following your heart… I really hope that after you arrive in the U.S., you can start anew and everything will go smoothly for you!”
Tai Sui Yellow Amulet Paper FuLu Taoist Love Talisman Traditional Chinese Spiritual Charm Attracting Love Protecting Marriage