Night had completely enveloped the city. I was still standing by the floor-to-ceiling window, watching lights gradually flickering on, intertwining with each other, passing through countless windows, and finally dissolving at the edge of the night, ending their shy existence in an instant. Yet, as long as the power remained, these lights would continue to emerge and vanish, one fleeting cycle after another, making it impossible to capture the meaning of their existence.
I placed the now-cooled tea back onto the desk and dialed Mi Cai’s number, wanting to ask what she wanted for dinner so I could prepare early and have a sumptuous meal ready for her when she returned.
However, she was still too busy to have any personal space, unsure even of when she would finish work, and told me not to wait for her. Thus, my evening had not even begun before it already felt empty, and I didn’t know where to go to spend the remaining time.
After much deliberation, I decided to head to the bar called “The Fifth Season,” because it was a place where one could easily forget about time. Often, after a few drinks and a moment of mental relaxation, one could fall asleep right on the table. This was also a major reason why many urban elites under high pressure liked coming here.
As I entered the bar, the resident singer was performing a gentle country song. The dim lighting blurred people’s faces. Without even sitting down, I already felt the stress melting away and a drowsy sensation creeping in.
I headed toward a corner and unexpectedly spotted Xiaoya, bent over the table doing homework, with Ruben sitting beside her, absentmindedly playing with a lighter, clearly lost in his thoughts. Upon noticing my arrival, she looked at me like seeing a savior and said, “Zhaoyang Gege, come quickly and help me with my homework. There are several word combinations and sentence constructions I just don’t know how to do.”
“Why don’t you ask Ruben Gege to help you? He’s a musical genius, after all, and crafting sentences should be his strength.”
“She asked me already, but I don’t like the sentences he made!”
I sat down across from Ruben and Xiaoya, picked up her homework book, and asked, “How did he construct a sentence using ‘duoxiang’ (imagination)?”
Xiaoya shook her head: “I dare not say…”
“What’s there not to say? It’s just a sentence!”
“Then I will say it…”
I nodded. Xiaoya seemed to struggle internally for a moment before finally blurting out, “Duoxiang Xiang Zhaoyang na yang chou bu yao lian, kuai le he bei shang dou gua zai lian shang!” (Imagining being like Zhaoyang, shamelessly displaying happiness and sadness on one’s face!)
I handed the homework book back to Xiaoya and said, “You were right not to like the sentence he made.”
Xiaoya seemed to think Ruben had insulted me, and fearing she might be caught in the crossfire between us, she quickly grabbed her homework and ran to the farthest corner on the other side, leaving only two neat little braids swaying under the dim lights.
I tossed Ruben a cigarette and asked, “Hasn’t Teacher Wei returned yet? She’s been gone for several days already!”
Ruben lit the cigarette, took a deep puff, and replied, “Not yet… and she rarely answers my calls!”
I sensed the situation was not optimistic. Instinctively, I furrowed my brows. Perhaps at this moment, Wei Manwen had already changed her heart. After all, she and that doctor, Zhou Hang, had shared many years of hardships together. Now, faced with Zhou Hang’s current predicament and vulnerability, it was likely that Wei Manwen’s affection had been stirred again.
I deeply understood Wei Manwen’s nature. She was a woman who could endure hardships alongside someone but might not necessarily value prosperity. Therefore, now that Ruben had risen to fame as the “new pope of rock music,” she might still be unable to let go of Zhou Hang, the man still in distress. The emotional balance in her heart had already tipped… and in that moment, I seemed to witness the beginning and end of her fate with Ruben.
After smoking half a cigarette, I asked Ruben, “Is this when you miss CC the most?”
When I mentioned CC again, Ruben seemed to awaken as if struck by an electric shock. He stared at me silently for a while, then puffed on the cigarette rapidly, his mind clearly in turmoil.
I asked again, “Let’s imagine the worst-case scenario. What if Teacher Wei really decides to stay with that doctor and never returns? What will you do then?”
Ruben suddenly grew anxious, as if sinking into the thought of her never returning, and hoarsely replied, “…I’ve said it before—these years, I, Ruben, have wronged her. If she truly believes that Zhou Hang is her final destination… I will sincerely wish them happiness!”
“What then?”
Ruben grew agitated: “That’s it then. Let it be whatever it may!”
“Is that really what you mean by sincere wishes?”
Ruben forcefully stubbed the cigarette butt into the ashtray, exclaiming, “What else can I do? Kill myself in front of them so they’ll remember me, Ruben, as a restless spirit haunting their marriage forever?”
“Isn’t that just childish resentment? I’m asking this because I hope you’ll go find CC as soon as possible. Aren’t you afraid that she might give up entirely and marry some random guy? Then you’d both end up with lifelong regrets when you finally realize that you and Teacher Wei were never truly together!”
Ruben’s expression was filled with pain. After a long pause, he shook his head and said, “I can’t go find her. She could be anywhere in this vast world, and I wouldn’t be able to find her… Zhaoyang, tell me honestly, is my chance with Manwen really becoming more and more distant?”
“Sigh!… Romantic feelings between men and women are subtle. You should understand this better than me. Perhaps Zhou Hang’s unexpected injury is actually the continuation of his fate with Teacher Wei. After all, those years they spent together weren’t fake—they had a real emotional foundation. After going through so much, Teacher Wei’s thinking has long moved beyond material concerns. What she probably needs now is Zhou Hang, who needs her more, rather than you, the now-famous rock music icon!”
Ruben remained silent, offering no rebuttal. In fact, he understood Wei Manwen better than I did. My analysis had struck the very reality he had been unwilling to face. After a long silence, he finally gave a self-mocking smile through his pain and said, “Back then, because I lacked material security, I ruthlessly staged a drama in front of her, forcing her to leave me. Now that I have fame and money, she has truly left me for good… Actually, she never changed. The mistake was always mine—I never truly understood her!”
I sighed and said, “That’s why what you thought was happiness for her was actually a nightmare, repeatedly waking her from her dreams… Now, she might prefer the simplicity and peace that Zhou Hang brings. You can probably imagine what they would do and say after she met him.”
Ruben remained silent…
I continued persuading, “Give Teacher Wei a way out. Let her be with Zhou Hang… Then go find CC. If she really gets married, it’ll be too late.”
“Zhaoyang, are you pushing me like this because of something lurking in your subconscious?… Now that you’ve finally found happiness with Mi Cai, you’re afraid my feelings for Manwen symbolize your own relationship with Jian Wei, so you’re trying so hard to convince me to find CC. Isn’t that it?”
I realized that my persuasion had perhaps gone too far. After all, Wei Manwen had not yet made a clear choice between Ruben and Zhou Hang. Yet, without knowing exactly when, I had really hoped that CC would ultimately end up with Ruben. Perhaps it was because CC’s quiet departure had been far too heartbreaking.
“You’re overthinking. Jian Wei and Teacher Wei are completely different people. Our emotional experiences are worlds apart. Neither can symbolize the other. I’m urging you like this because I had a conversation with Teacher Wei before, and during our talk, I sensed her doubts about herself and about love. Perhaps what she needs now is a life with Zhou Hang.”
Ruben no longer questioned my motives. With his eyes closed and a tired sigh, he said, “How could I not feel her doubts about love as well!”
After a long silence, I patted his shoulder and said, “Think about it carefully. Maybe CC is the one more suited for you. Teacher Wei really can’t offer you pure love anymore.”
“Let me think… You let me think.” As Ruben spoke, he curled into the corner of the wall, as if trying to trap his soul inside himself, fearing its departure.
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