After purchasing the train ticket back to Xuzhou the day after tomorrow, I stood in front of the railway station square and dialed Bandy’s number, waiting patiently. I knew that on winter nights, Bandy had always had the habit of leaning next to the heater reading the newspaper, while the phone often remained in his briefcase, forgotten to be taken out… He is elderly now, with a poor memory, and prefers peace and quiet. It’s likely that he hadn’t even turned on the ringer.
Perhaps the ringing tone distracted me, and for a moment I couldn’t recall Bandy’s age. I hurriedly tried to remember and finally recalled that he was thirty when I was born, meaning he is now fifty-seven years old, and will soon retire from his job, officially becoming an elderly person.
Yet, I have always been puzzled by why, in that era when early marriage and early childbirth were common, he had me, his son, at the age of thirty. Regarding this, Mom gave a somewhat humorous explanation, saying that because Bandy was too rigid in personality and didn’t know how to please girls, he fell behind the times. If it hadn’t been for her kind heart and generous rescue, Bandy would have remained a very historically significant bachelor.
Thinking of this, I smiled. At this moment, Bandy finally answered the phone, asking me, “Why are you calling so late?”
“I just bought the train ticket back to Xuzhou the day after tomorrow. I plan to go home for New Year’s Day, so I called to let you know.”
“Oh, then I’ll tell your mom later to go buy some dishes you like tomorrow.”
I responded with an acknowledgment, thinking about what else to say, when Bandy asked me again, “Are you still coming back alone this time?”
“Father, you’ve really used that word ‘still’ with deep implications! I think, although you don’t like to talk much, your choice of words is extremely precise. Often just one word can highlight the central point. You definitely have the style of a language master!”
“Don’t talk nonsense with me. Just answer what I ask.”
I sighed but replied in a teasing tone, “Sigh!… Isn’t the reason I’m joking with you like this because I hope you won’t bring up my sore spots? Dad, we’ve been father and son for decades, how come we don’t have any father-son chemistry at all?… We really need to take this seriously and spend some time thinking about it, otherwise this lack of coordination will definitely affect the harmony of our family. This is absolutely not an exaggeration…”
Bandy remained silent during my endless chatter, waiting until I stopped. After a long pause, he asked me in a very low voice, “Zhaoyang, after so many years, your emotions have always been unstable. Do you feel good about it yourself?… Now even Xiaoyun is getting married. We really don’t know what kind of mood you’re coming back with to attend her wedding.”
I lowered my head, looking at the ground divided into countless shapes by the tiles, as if seeing those shattered scenes in my life that have never been repaired until today, and those bitter feelings experienced alone late at night… Actually, I didn’t feel good inside. But over these years, living like a salted fish, I had already learned to use various disguises to make myself seem indifferent, blending harmoniously with the surroundings, even though sometimes I felt obviously lonely…
I still smiled and replied, “Dad, Xiaoyun getting married is something worth celebrating for us. But you use it to subtly mock my inaction over the years. Isn’t that a bit unfair? Although I do admit I’ve been a bit unreasonable, I really tried hard with relationships. It’s just that no girl liked me. Why don’t you give me some advice!”
Bandy was successfully distracted and said, “If you change your unreliable nature, naturally there will be girls willing to live with you.”
“You’re still so sharp… Dad, it’s getting late. You should rest early. Oh, and don’t forget to say hello to Mom for me… Also, if you need anything from Suzhou, call me before tomorrow night.”
After saying this, I didn’t give Bandy a chance to talk more and quickly hung up the phone. However, I suddenly froze in place, feeling lost and uncertain about where to go next in the vast railway station square… Thus, my eagerness to wait for Micai to return grew even stronger! And because of this, I felt even more regret: if this time, Xiaoyun’s wedding could be accompanied by her as my girlfriend, how fulfilled I would be, not having to offer my blessings in loneliness.
…
Taking a taxi, I passed by Zhuomei again, its lights still shining brightly. On a whim, I asked the driver to stop here. I wanted to prepare a wedding gift for Xiaoyun—it had to be expensive and sincere… That’s what I thought. Right now, I had the money and time to choose carefully. I could definitely give Xiaoyun a generous gift.
I truly felt grateful toward Xiaoyun. I would never forget how I had appeared before her in such a defeated state back then, yet she never looked down on me. Instead, she helped me rebuild my confidence time and again… Although our relationship began and ended with 1000 yuan, the kind of friendship that developed between us was real.
Or perhaps, more genuine than gratitude was my sense of guilt. I really let down a good woman, and thus also betrayed the twilight years of my parents… However, I don’t regret it, because I believe the city I have always held on to will bring me another kind of beauty, including the most genuine love.
Yes, I still pursue pure love, and that city that once resided in my heart, but was stripped away by reality.
After entering the mall, I began wandering between counters. Finally decided, I bought Xiaoyun a bottle of perfume, hoping she would still be an elegant woman after marriage. And for her husband, I bought a lighter, symbolizing my wish that their married life would flourish.
I was certain that I had put thought into these two wedding gifts, because when I left Zhuo Mei, it was already 11 p.m. I had spent two full hours choosing carefully. Therefore, I felt that when Xiaoyun received these two gifts, she would definitely be very happy.
…
After another day of busy work, that evening I didn’t stay late at the office. I returned to my residence early and packed some luggage. To be able to attend Xiaoyun’s wedding in the morning, I had bought a train ticket departing Suzhou at 1:30 a.m., heading to Xuzhou. Because it was a high-speed train, it would take only two and a half hours to arrive. Thus, when I got home, I would still have some time to rest.
After a short journey, I arrived in Xuzhou at 4 a.m. Not wanting to disturb Bandy and Mom, I simply booked an hourly room near the railway station, waiting for dawn and Xiaoyun’s wedding ceremony.
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