It was my first night living in this studio apartment, yet I made one of the most significant decisions of my life. I wrote two letters—one to Mi Cai, which I planned to give her tomorrow, and another as my resignation letter to Chen Jingming, to be submitted after completing this promotional plan.
I knew that when I chose to reveal Mi Zhongde’s power conspiracy to Mi Cai, it also meant breaking my trust with Fang Yuan, and more shamefully, betraying Chen Jingming’s kindness and support. I no longer had the face to remain at Baoli Department Store; resigning was the only path I could choose.
I picked up my pen, took a deep breath, and without much thought, quickly finished the two letters. Then I snapped the pen in two and threw it into the trash bin. The pen was innocent, but I needed to vent my emotions. I had destroyed my own future, and possibly even the futures of Fang Yuan and Chen Jingming.
Thinking about the sacrifices Yue Yao made for my career, I felt another wave of suffocation in my heart. Although this decision upheld the last bit of belief deep within me, I had disappointed my truly caring friends.
I folded the two letters and placed them into my coat pocket. Though I did not regret my decision, I knew the night ahead would be sleepless. I wanted to drink, as much as possible, then collapse drunk onto my bed, cover my head, and forget all this heavy reality.
I took a taxi to CC’s restaurant. At this moment, I really wanted to drink. If CC had time, I also wanted to chat with her—not necessarily about my choices regarding human nature, just a casual conversation would suffice.
…
It was already very late, nearing closing time. The “Kong Cheng Li” music restaurant had very few customers left. CC was sitting in a corner drinking beer, still living unlike a typical woman, despite having the appearance of a beauty.
I sat down opposite her. CC only noticed my arrival then, and she snapped her fingers at the waiter, who promptly brought me a large glass of draft beer.
CC smiled at me and teased, “What’s wrong, Zhaoyang? Did life beat you up again?”
“More or less. You really know me well!” I said, lifting the glass and taking a big sip.
“That’s why you came here so late.”
I didn’t respond, treating the beer like water and pouring it into my mouth until the liquid stung my head with waves of cold pain, at which point I stopped.
CC just watched me, occasionally taking a few sips of her own beer. When I finally stopped, she asked, “Come on, tell me how life has troubled you this time?”
I remained silent for a long time before saying, “Tell me, do you think we’re both idealists? It should be a beautiful thing to live with ideals and inner convictions, so why does reality always place so many constraints on us?”
CC thought for a moment, then said, “Actually, after all these years, I’ve figured out one thing: living an idealistic life isn’t wrong per se, but the prerequisite is having material support. For example, this music restaurant of mine can now support me, so I don’t have to worry too much about material needs, which allows me to continue living idealistically. If it weren’t for that anonymous customer who gave the restaurant ten thousand yuan at a critical moment, enabling it to continue operating, where would I be to talk about ideals?”
I was silent again for a long time before saying, “CC, you’re right! Living idealistically also requires material foundations.”
Indeed, CC was right. Taking this incident as an example, if I had sufficient economic support and didn’t have to worry about my career, and if Fang Yuan and Chen Jingming had already achieved high positions at Baoli, then I could have told Mi Cai everything without any concerns, fulfilling my conscience and beliefs.
Even though I now understood that living idealistically requires material support, I still had no intention of changing my decision. I would still inform Mi Cai about Mi Zhongde’s power conspiracy. Perhaps deep down, even if this incident cost me the hard-earned job, I still felt it was worth it.
After finishing a large glass of draft beer, I ordered another. CC just smoked and kept me company. We didn’t speak anymore. This silence between us stemmed from our idealistic perspective seeing through this real world too clearly—seeing through it made us tired, unwilling to say anything more.
After finishing two large glasses of draft beer, I started feeling dizzy. The tightly wound emotions gradually loosened, making CC’s face across from me blurry. I took the opportunity to order another glass of strong white liquor and downed it in one go. This drinking with the clear intention of getting drunk made my dizziness increasingly severe, until finally I just collapsed on the table in front of CC… My spiritual world became peaceful, but the real world tomorrow would probably be in chaos again.
…
The next day, I woke up with a hangover headache. Outside the window, autumn drizzle fell, the sky was gloomy. Looking around the room, I realized I was sleeping in CC’s bedroom, recalling how deliberately I had gotten drunk last night.
I threw off the blanket, put on my shoes, got up from the bed, and walked out of the bedroom. I found CC sleeping on the living room sofa, still not awake. Checking the time, it was already 7:30 a.m. I didn’t disturb CC and quietly closed the door as I left.
Going downstairs, I walked outside the residential complex and hailed a taxi. My destination, however, was not my company, but Zhuo Mei. Since I had already made my choice last night, I would follow through with it.
Twenty minutes later, I arrived at the entrance of Zhuo Mei’s underground parking lot to wait for Mi Cai. Based on my understanding of her, she probably hadn’t arrived at the company yet.
I waited another twenty minutes or so before finally seeing Mi Cai’s red Q7. Seizing the moment as she drove into the underground parking lot, I stopped a passing male student-looking pedestrian.
To the puzzled young man, I said, “Hey, can you do me a favor?”
The boy immediately looked at me warily and asked, “What kind of favor?”
I pulled the letter from my pocket and handed it to him, saying, “Help me deliver this letter to a girl.”
The boy suddenly understood and said, “This is a love letter, right? But nowadays communication is so advanced, why write a letter? You could just send a text message or something.”
“You’re a 90s kid, aren’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m from the 80s generation. Do you understand the generation gap? In our time, writing love letters was the trend. This is called style. Hurry up and give it to her; otherwise, she’ll be taking the elevator soon,” I urged.
“But I’m going to be late for school!”
“Just a minute, it won’t make you late.”
The boy still looked reluctant.
I immediately changed tactics and asked, “Do you like looking at beautiful girls?”
Upon hearing about beautiful girls, the boy’s interest immediately rose as he asked, “Is she beautiful?”
“If she’s not beautiful, would I be interested in her? Don’t worry, she’s definitely a beauty. You take the elevator down to the underground parking lot and wait for her… Remember, she’s wearing a purple-gray coat, long hair reaching her shoulders, and is the most beautiful woman there. Don’t mistake someone else.”
“Alright then, let me see if she’s as beautiful as you say.” Saying this, the boy finally took the letter from my hand.
I reminded him again, “Just hand her the letter, don’t say anything else, especially don’t describe my appearance in front of her, understand?”
The boy nodded knowingly and said, “I get it. You want to give her a surprise, right? I wish you success in your confession!”
I nodded approvingly and said, “Good, we’re not too far apart in generations after all.”
The boy chuckled and then ran toward the elevator entrance inside the mall… I lit a cigarette, quietly watching him leave, feeling as if I had finally lifted a heavy burden from my heart. As for tomorrow, I’d think about it tomorrow…
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