At this moment, I couldn’t help but admire Leyao’s imagination. She had already envisioned a potential marital crisis that might arise after Luo Ben and Wei Manwen’s marriage, triggered by Luo Ben’s hidden feelings for CC. However, this was a classic case of unnecessary worry. In my eyes, Luo Ben was still a very restrained person. Moreover, the idea that Luo Ben had feelings for CC was only a message left by that woman, never proven. Leyao’s reaction, driven by her boundless imagination, seemed overly intense.
Luo Ben finally said to Leyao, “Do you know what the most annoying thing about you is? … It’s your endless imagination that runs wild without any basis. I’ve never had romantic feelings for CC. I simply admire her—admire her, do you understand? It has absolutely nothing to do with love or relationships!”
Leyao suddenly fell silent, looking at Luo Ben and then at me. After a long pause, she muttered to herself, “Yes… Why is my imagination always so wildly unfounded? Why can you two, who are directly involved, stay so calm and composed, while I, an outsider, end up so emotionally torn apart?!!”
Luo Ben’s emotions also calmed down, and he said to Leyao, “Who knows you?”
Leyao fixed her gaze on me and said, “The remaining issue is how you’re going to tell CC that it was Luo Ben who left the money back then. Such a thorny matter—I don’t even have the courage to deal with it. Zhaoyang, whether to speak or stay silent, you really need to think carefully.”
Before I could respond, Luo Ben said to her, “Don’t meddle in our affairs. Aren’t you getting married to Cao Jinf ei next week? Remind yourself to focus on your own matters first.”
Leyao nodded and replied, “You’re right. I’m getting married soon. I should be immersed in the joy of marriage. Let you two deal with these troubling matters. I’m going back to Beijing tomorrow… Wishing you all the best, smooth sailing… Zhaoyang, I especially wish you success at your Christmas event, bringing honor to Mi Zong’s Zhuo Mei. Cheer up, cheer up…”
Leyao’s sudden shift in attitude caught me completely off guard, but indeed, she no longer got involved in the matter. After saying all that, she left “Kongchengli Restaurant” alone, leaving only Luo Ben and me behind—so much so that even the waiters were nowhere to be seen.
I went to the bar myself and poured two full glasses of warm beer, handing one to Luo Ben. After he took a big gulp, I asked, “Leyao’s gone. Why don’t you say a few heartfelt words to your buddy? After all these years, what exactly have your feelings for CC been? I believe there’s no such thing as a baseless rumor.”
Luo Ben lit a cigarette and said to me, “After being with CC for so long, even during our romantic relationship, I never touched her body. Do you know why?”
“There are many possible explanations, but I don’t know which applies to you.”
“You’ve been with Mi Cai for so long. Have you ever touched her?”
I shook my head and said, “Not yet.”
“My feelings for CC are just like your feelings for Mi Cai. Except we didn’t have the same opportunity that you and Mi Cai did…” Luo Ben paused for a long time before taking a heavy puff of his cigarette and saying to me, “When a woman like her loves you sincerely, how can any man remain unmoved? Yes, I did love her. But I have my own burdens. I wronged Manwen, and I love Manwen too. Therefore, what I can offer CC is only an incomplete love…” He paused again, saying, “This sounds overly sentimental, doesn’t it? But it’s the most genuine reflection of my heart.”
I stopped smoking, looked at Luo Ben, and felt a vague understanding forming in my mind, yet I couldn’t quite grasp the crux of it. I remained silent for a long time, still trying to figure out the differences and commonalities in Luo Ben’s feelings toward CC and Wei Manwen.
Luo Ben continued, “Zhaoyang, if I must make a comparison, Manwen’s place in my heart is like Jian Wei’s place in yours. However, there’s a fundamental difference. Back then, it was Jian Wei who gave you up, while I gave up Manwen, letting her suffer for three years in that mountain village. Therefore, this love mixed with guilt became something monumental. But you don’t feel guilty toward Jian Wei, so it creates an illusion in your mind that you no longer love her… If it weren’t for love so deeply rooted, could you have been so despondent for so many years? And Jian Wei herself is a woman who radiates charm in every way, not easily forgotten by any man. Therefore, your forgetting is merely a form of self-deception, because when she returned, she was already someone else’s partner, not yours anymore…”
I interrupted Luo Ben, “Don’t say more. It’s too complicated. My mind can’t sort it out…”
“You don’t need to sort it out. Just know this: if there ever comes an opportunity, it will awaken your love for Jian Wei…”
I didn’t believe I still loved Jian Wei. I smiled and asked Luo Ben, “I really wonder what kind of opportunity you’re talking about?”
“That opportunity is this: if this woman is going through unbearable suffering, then you’ll naturally realize how deeply you love her…” Thinking for a moment, Luo Ben added, “But that’s unlikely. Jian Wei’s life is protected by her family. She was born a woman who shines with a pearl in her mouth, radiant and dazzling!”
By using the women in my life as metaphors, Luo Ben finally helped me understand the similarities and differences between us. If it had been Wei Manwen who abandoned Luo Ben, he could have loved CC as naturally and deservedly as I loved Mi Cai. But because of this difference, he could only choose Wei Manwen, the woman who left the deepest mark on his life.
Yet why does Luo Ben’s emotional issue always seem to reflect my own, creating suspense that makes me feel uneasy?
“Zhaoyang, although you haven’t married Mi Cai yet, you’re much luckier than me right now… Every time I see CC getting hurt, even giving up on herself, my heart feels as if pierced by steel needles, yet I can do nothing for her but watch from afar… But the two women, Jian Wei and Mi Cai, have given you a kind of calmness and relaxation that requires no choices.”
I took a deep puff of my cigarette and replied, “Right now, it may seem like you’re luckier, but who knows what the future holds?… Sigh! Let’s not talk about these confusing troubles anymore. Let’s discuss how you’re going to face CC. If she finds out it was you who left the money back then, she’ll collapse!”
“Just keep it a secret… Speaking of which, you really know how to create trouble for us!”
“I just don’t want to see CC suffer so much. She’s been drinking herself into oblivion every day lately. As a woman, how can her body withstand such torment!”
Before my words had even fully faded, CC’s weeping voice came from behind us, “There’s no need to hide anymore… I’ve heard everything…”
Both Luo Ben and I turned around simultaneously. Standing behind us was indeed CC. Since it wasn’t mealtime, we had been sitting on the sofas facing the bar counter, with our backs to the restaurant’s entrance, fully immersed in our troubling conversation, so we hadn’t noticed when CC had arrived at Kongcheng.
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