Under the snow-covered night sky, I looked at Jian Wei’s appearance, momentarily at a loss for words. Yet, my heart was still shocked because she wanted to transfer her property into my name. In fact, this woman had been lonely all these years; she didn’t have any real friends, not even Yan Yan, especially after Yan Yan got married, creating a sense of distance. For example, nowadays, it was rare to see her and Yan Yan appear at the same event, so her loneliness was bound to bring her a sense of insecurity.
The cold wind howled past us, and the sound of floating ice cracking after colliding with each other came from the river, yet we remained silent, our silence amplifying the chill of this cold night.
Finally, I said to her, “Don’t think too much, go back and rest early.”
“You go first; I want to stay alone for a while.”
Looking at her thin clothes, I still felt uneasy and persuaded again, “This cold wind is really harsh; don’t catch a chill…”
Jian Wei remained unmoved.
I pushed her arm gently, “Please listen to me, okay?”
Jian Wei looked at me with a deep expression.
I didn’t know why she was looking at me like that, feeling somewhat awkward, so I lit a cigarette to hide my unease, still unwilling to leave as she wished.
Another gust of cold wind blew by; Jian Wei’s face turned somewhat pale, and her exposed fingers had turned purplish-red from the cold. Helpless against her stubbornness, I took off my coat and draped it over her shoulders, placing her hands into the coat pockets, enduring the cold myself while squinting into the distance.
“Zhaoyang, teach me to smoke, will you?”
She had been silent for so long that when she finally spoke, her unexpected request made me both laugh and cry, causing me to stare at her blankly. After a while, I shook the cigarette box in front of her and said, “Do you see what’s written on it? Smoking is harmful to health. Once you start, it’s hard to quit.”
“Is that so? That’s why some people always compare smoking to love.”
“This analogy isn’t quite right. Cigarettes are always lit amidst melancholy and pain, while love can sometimes bring happiness, though it is also accompanied by pain… the only commonality is that both are executioners; one kills the body, and the other torments the soul.”
Jian Wei brushed aside her wind-blown hair, wearing a forlorn smile as she said, “For me, they are both luxuries… Since you’re so unwilling to stay here, then go ahead.”
“You’re leaving too, right?”
Jian Wei nodded. I then extended my hand to her, pulling her up the riverbank. I had no doubt that if I left first, she, wearing high heels, would have to crawl up the riverbank with hands and feet, because the vast expanse of snow was just too slippery.
…
It was already late when I returned home. Lying on the bed, I was still thinking about how to organize the micro-film launch ceremony for our company at Zhuomei. This Christmas event was not only significant for Zhuomei but also for our company, Lukuo. By now, many large domestic tourism product companies had proactively contacted us, hoping to produce goods for Lukuo, though our strategy had not yet reached that stage. Still, it was enough to indicate the influence and reputation of the Lukuo brand at this point.
While pondering, my phone rang again. Late at night, only a few people usually called me, and I was delighted to think it might be Mi Cai, but it turned out to be Tongzi, who was also abroad.
I answered the call, and he spoke in his usual carefree tone, “Brother Zhaoyang, I knew you weren’t asleep yet.”
“I’m not asleep, but I’m not in the mood for small talk with you either.”
“This time, I really didn’t call just to chat!”
Surprisingly, I detected a hint of sadness in Tongzi’s voice, so I asked, “What’s wrong? Something on your mind?”
Tongzi was silent for a moment before replying, “Brother Zhaoyang, I want Xiaojun to be with me… I realized I really like her, very much!”
I was quite taken aback and said, “Have you been too lonely abroad? How long have you even known her!”
“Brother Zhaoyang, you misunderstood me, I really do like her.”
“What do you like about her?”
Without hesitation, Tongzi replied, “She is the kindest and most gentle woman in the world, and most importantly, she knows how to manage a household.”
Actually, there was something Tongzi didn’t mention. Besides the above virtues, Xiaojun was also very pretty, which is attractive to men, especially men like Tongzi who had been without a girlfriend for a long time. This made it easy for him to overlook Xiaojun’s congenital disability—she was mute.
I spoke to Tongzi very seriously, “Don’t act on a whim. Let’s make a hypothesis: if you really end up with Xiaojun, can you get past your family’s disapproval? And after the novelty of love fades, can you still accept the harsh reality that Xiaojun cannot speak?”
“Brother Zhaoyang, how shallow you are! Love shouldn’t have so many concerns.”
Patiently, I continued to ask him, “Then have you confessed to Xiaojun?”
“I have.”
“And what happened?”
Tongzi’s confidence immediately waned, and his voice was filled with melancholy as he replied, “Xiaojun said we aren’t suited, that we aren’t from the same world.”
This was an expected answer, so I said, “You say love shouldn’t have so many concerns, but do you understand Xiaojun’s worries? Her congenital disability will definitely make her feel insecure and defensive when facing love.”
“So, Brother Zhaoyang, according to you, does Xiaojun not deserve love for the rest of her life?”
“Of course, that’s not what I mean. I just hope there will be a sincere man who can withstand the pressure from family and society to give her unwavering protection.”
“I can do that… So Brother Zhaoyang, you must help me. Help me persuade Xiaojun. I want us to be together, and I will treat her well, for a lifetime!”
In Tongzi, I saw the fearless courage of a young bull. He easily said the words “for a lifetime,” which was exactly the kind of promise people without dating experience liked to give. He couldn’t truly understand the weight and responsibility these three words carried. I wasn’t sure whether I should help him, although I had always believed in love. However, Xiaojun’s situation was too special, and love would become more realistic for her.
After weighing it carefully, I finally said to Tongzi, “Don’t rush into this. Let me first find out Xiaojun’s true feelings. If she really doesn’t have any need for love at the moment, don’t force her, okay?”
“Brother Zhaoyang, why don’t you believe in me? I really can treat Xiaojun well for a lifetime!”
“Even if I believe you, love is still a mutual matter. If it’s really a case of unrequited love between you and Xiaojun, I can’t force her either, right?”
“I think Xiaojun might have some feelings for me; I can feel it. She’s just afraid of becoming a burden to me, but I really don’t care about that at all!”
Tongzi’s repeated emphasis made me even more concerned because I am a man and an experienced one. There is a fundamental difference between before and after love begins. I couldn’t be sure whether Tongzi could maintain this enthusiasm all the time, so I said, “Let me first figure out the situation before we talk more. Also, you at least need to meet Xiaojun face-to-face to confirm your feelings for her, okay?”
Tongzi finally stopped rushing to express his intense feelings and said to me, “Okay, Brother Zhaoyang, I’ll listen to you… I have a holiday this Christmas, and I’ll come back specifically to see Xiaojun. But I think my feelings are correct. Although she can’t speak, she is a woman worth a man’s devotion and pursuit.”
“Alright.”
…
I had already finished the last cigarette I had set for myself that day, but after ending the call with Tongzi, I still broke my rule and lit another one. I was increasingly confused—was it that Tongzi was fearless because he didn’t know any better, or was it that I was overly cautious? That’s why, in many moments of love with Mi Cai, there was a lack of passion, more like a quiet whisper after calming down. But maybe that wasn’t important because I had always been certain that I had enough patience and perseverance for Mi Cai. This patience and perseverance didn’t need to be expressed in words. As long as she told me she wanted to marry, I could give up everything to marry her.
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