I was already ignoring the pain from the burn in my mouth, my face flushed red as I stared at Mi Cai, my heart pounding violently. In fact, during my more than 20 years of life, I had never been someone who hesitated or looked back, but this incident was simply too significant. My choice didn’t just concern my own fate, but also the career prospects of my friends and superiors. Including Leyao, the sacrifices she made to help me secure my job were still vivid in my mind. Was I really going to ruin everything for Mi Cai?
“Zhao Yang, what’s wrong with you? Why do you look so terrible?” Mi Cai asked me with a puzzled expression.
Caught in my inner struggle, my heart suddenly calmed. I rubbed my mouth and said to Mi Cai, “It hurts from the burn; I might have blisters in my mouth.”
“Do you need to go to the hospital then?”
“Do minor injuries like this really require going to a hospital that saves lives? Come on, do you have any common sense?”
“Oh, as long as you’re okay. Then let’s continue looking for a place.”
Mi Cai started the car as she spoke. Difficult decisions often happen in an instant. In the end, I still chose not to tell Mi Cai. I didn’t know if this was right or wrong, but my heart was still in torment. I wished Chen Jingming had never told me all this, but wishing was just wishful thinking. I had ultimately found out, and so I floated helplessly like a small boat on an ocean of guilt, unable to see the shore no matter how hard I tried.
The shadows of the streetlights were elongated on the car window, and my thoughts became increasingly scattered, unable to come up with a perfect solution even in my daze.
…
After searching for a long time in the night, we finally found a relatively cost-effective single apartment. I immediately paid three months’ rent in advance and put down a month’s deposit. After the landlord left, only Mi Cai and I remained in the room.
We stood side by side on the small balcony of the 26th floor. I lit a cigarette, gazing at the city’s night view for a long time before saying to Mi Cai, “It’s very quiet up here. Your old place was also quiet, both very peaceful.”
“You finally admit that the old place belongs to me?” Mi Cai asked with a smile.
“Now that things have settled down, why wouldn’t I admit it?”
Mi Cai nodded as if a weight had been lifted from her heart, and asked me, “Are you moving in tonight?”
“Tomorrow night…” I paused, looking at Mi Cai sincerely. “Let me stay at your place for the last night tonight. I want to say goodbye to my mop, my clock, my couch, and my cabinet friends. I’m afraid they’ll miss me too much!”
I had prepared myself for rejection, but unexpectedly, she agreed. Perhaps she really believed that those inanimate objects—the mop and the clock—were actually my friends. In fact, I wasn’t lying to her, nor was I being overly sentimental. Sometimes I would rather befriend these seemingly unconscious objects than deeply interact with people who possess subjective consciousness, because one might accidentally encounter beasts in human skin, or even worse, some beasts who don’t even bother to wear human skin, making sure everyone knows they are beasts. For example, the actress who slapped Leyao in the face over scheduling issues, or Mi Cai’s uncle, Mi Zhongde.
…
It was already very late when we returned to the old house with Mi Cai. Mi Cai went to the bathroom to wash up before me, while I sat on the sofa. I seemed calm on the outside, but inside I was emotionally turbulent.
A moment later, Mi Cai walked out of the bathroom. As she applied toner to her face, she said to me, whether joking or serious, “Zhao Yang, aren’t you supposed to say goodbye to your friends? Why haven’t I seen you move since we got home?”
I held my chest and told Mi Cai, “I communicate with my friends through heart-to-heart connection. We’ve already said our emotional farewells, just now.”
Mi Cai nodded and made a surprised expression, saying, “Wow, you all have a really high level of understanding!”
“That’s for sure. Compared to us and my friends, ordinary people are just common folks.”
Mi Cai smirked slightly, then smiled without saying more, turned around, and walked toward her room, closing the door behind her. Suddenly, I felt as if this door had separated us into two different worlds. My world was in chaos, while hers was the calm before a storm.
After washing up, I returned to the room I had lived in for two years, about to leave. I stared blankly at the ceiling without really emptying my mind. For the first time in my life, I struggled to think deeply about human nature, yet found it elusive. For instance, when faced with choices, I deviated from the principles I had always upheld. Of course, I could say this deviation was due to my friends, my grateful superiors, and my career prospects. But could these many reasons truly surpass the value of human nature, allowing me to twist it without guilt?
The night grew deeper. The bright moonlight shone through the gaps in the curtains, flickering on the quilt. My consciousness gradually blurred, and soon I fell asleep, finally shedding the burden of human nature.
…
The next day, I got up early, as usual. First, I cooked some porridge in the rice cooker, then went downstairs to buy some fried dough sticks, steamed dumplings, and some pastries. When I returned, I fried two sunny-side-up eggs. I planned to have breakfast with Mi Cai, but this wasn’t out of affection or gratitude for her helping me find a place last night. It was more like a sense of guilt for knowing yet choosing not to speak.
After preparing breakfast, Mi Cai had already woken up. A moment later, she finished washing up, and I told her while preparing the meal, “Let’s have breakfast together. I’ve made some porridge.”
Mi Cai politely said “Thank you” and sat opposite me. We began eating breakfast together, but the atmosphere remained somewhat oppressive and silent.
Mi Cai seemed to enjoy the silence, but I was suffering under its weight. So, she finished eating before me and politely said, “Zhao Yang, you take your time. I’ll go to work first. Oh, if you can’t clean up the dishes right away, just leave them. I’ll wash them when I come back tonight.”
Mi Cai had already picked up her handbag and walked to the shoe rack to change her shoes. I called out to her from behind, “Wait.”
Mi Cai didn’t stop changing her shoes and asked somewhat puzzledly, “What’s wrong?”
I remained silent for a while before saying, “Give me a ride. I’ll go to work with you.”
“Is it on your way?”
“You work at Zhuo Mei Shopping Center, right? Our company is right across from yours.”
Mi Cai nodded and said, “Oh… What company do you work for?”
I hesitated for a moment before answering, “We’re just a small company. I’m just someone who draws a salary and gets by. It’s not worth mentioning.”
“Okay then, hurry up.” Mi Cai said, already finished changing her shoes and waiting for me by the door.
I quickly finished the porridge in a few bites, changed my shoes, grabbed my briefcase, and went downstairs with Mi Cai.
…
The traffic during commuting hours wasn’t very good. We kept stopping along the way. As we approached the company, the car was stuck again on a two-lane road. With nothing else to do, both Mi Cai and I remained silent.
I took a disc from the car’s glove compartment and put it into the music player, intending to listen to a song to pass the frustrating time.
The song “Words of Love” was sung by Lo Ta-yu with a voice full of vicissitudes and stories. This song expressing great love floated in the small car.
The car was faintly wrapped in autumn fog. Outside the car window, vehicle after vehicle waiting to pass turned on their outline lights, like fireflies resting quietly, calming the world. I was somewhat entranced by this imagined tranquility, listening to “Words of Love.”
Mi Cai beside me was the same. She looked even quieter than me, but her eyes were already moist. Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. As if not wanting me to see, she leaned on the steering wheel of the car. So, aside from some disheveled strands of hair, I couldn’t see her face at all.
What was wrong with her? It was just an unintentional morning where she listened to a song by Lo Ta-yu, and she started crying!
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