After sending messages to Luo Ben and CC respectively, I closed my eyes to rest. I felt a bit dizzy and drowsy, but I still forced myself to stay awake until they replied.
The car had already driven past two streets, and neither of them had replied. Finally, I picked up my phone from my pocket and called both of them, only to receive the response that both phones were turned off. That’s why I always categorized Luo Ben and CC as the same type of person—they both had the habit of turning off their phones after drinking, as if trying to avoid being disturbed by the mundane world.
Helplessly, I said to the designated driver, “Driver, take me to the train station. I need to take care of something.”
“Are you going to pick someone up?”
“No, just drop me off at the train station. You can leave my car key at the guardhouse of my residential community.”
The driver acknowledged and turned the car around, heading toward the train station. I looked out the window, overwhelmed by an indescribable emotion. Indeed, the snow had not completely melted yet. It seemed to stubbornly wait for something, but no matter how stubborn it was, it would eventually melt. The moment it fell, its fate of melting was already decided.
Shortly afterward, the driver dropped me off at the train station. I didn’t enter the station but walked northward along the tracks outside the fence. I knew Leyao would be there. She had told me more than once that sitting by the tracks and looking northward allowed one to see many things previously unseen. I had always wanted to understand why she specifically mentioned north instead of any other direction, but I never found a definite answer. I thought she was just being mysterious. The only thing I could believe was that she always dreamed of a small island in the sea.
…
After I had left the hustle and bustle of the train station, I indeed saw a figure in the north, hands in the pockets of her jacket, wearing a hood. But unlike usual, she wasn’t sitting—she was standing outside the fence, watching the passing trains.
I exhaled, finally suppressing my complicated feelings and approached her. She noticed me, turned her head to look at me, and then at the down jacket I was wearing, saying, “This business-style down jacket really doesn’t suit you!”
“It’s a friend’s. This weather is freezing!”
“Freezing? I think it’s great. I wish it would snow again later. Then it wouldn’t be a waste coming here.”
I blew out a puff of warm air and rubbed my hands together, saying nothing as I watched the blurred shadows of trains speeding past. Leyao turned to me again and asked, “Who told you to come?”
“If I didn’t come, no one else would… This area around the train station is complicated. You shouldn’t be alone here, you know? Especially with your reputation as the nation’s beloved goddess. If you ran into some ill-intentioned people, it would be a disaster!”
“But I like being here alone.”
“Then why did you send me a message?”
Leyao turned her body again to face me and said, “But I didn’t ask you to come either.”
“If you hadn’t sent it, I definitely wouldn’t have come…”
We fell into this strange cycle of conversation, each of us feeling justified despite not having a strong argument. Finally, Leyao said to me, “Do we really have to be so entangled?… My friend.”
When she called me “my friend,” those complicated feelings suddenly disappeared, as if it was perfectly natural to be by her side on this quiet, snowy night… I actually understood that the distance between us was merely that of friends versus lovers. But this subtle gap often made me feel uncomfortable and uneasy.
For example, Mi Cai was my lover, so I could easily embrace her. CC and Yan Yan were my true female friends, and we could casually put our arms around each other and play around. But with Leyao, it was different. This was the most authentic manifestation of being caught between friendship and romance. Every time I wanted to hug her, I felt uneasy because of this distance.
Finally, I replied, “Then let’s not be entangled. If you’re willing, I can stay with you for a while—sitting for a bit is fine too.”
“Sit? Are you kidding? Everywhere is covered with snow!”
I looked around and indeed found no place to sit. No wonder she was leaning on the fence, peering inside. I had thought she had changed her habit of sitting, but it turned out she had simply given in to the helpless reality.
I took off Xiang Chen’s down jacket and spread it on the snowy ground, telling her, “The outer layer of this jacket is waterproof. Sit down.”
“You’re really well-prepared!” Leyao said as she sat on the jacket I had laid out, clearly unwilling to keep standing.
“It’s really from a friend,” I said as I sat down beside her.
“If your friend knew you were using his high-end down jacket as a cushion, he’d definitely be angry!”
“He can be angry, but there’s nothing he can do about it. After all, we really needed a cushion right now.”
Without the protection of the down jacket, the fierce cold quickly crept in, making my teeth chatter. Leyao took off her thick scarf and wrapped it around me. I was taken aback and said, “See, you actually wanted me to come. Otherwise, why would you give me your scarf just to have me sit with you for a while?”
“Yeah, I wanted you to come, but I couldn’t say it outright. After all, I have to maintain my image as the nation’s beloved goddess… But you know, in my entire life, besides my father, the only person who has ever sat with me watching the train tracks is you… But ever since he got involved with that little vixen, he hasn’t paid any attention to me anymore, so I had no choice but to call you. I probably wouldn’t feel comfortable with anyone else!”
“I prefer to appreciate the scenery I like alone.”
“I’m a woman, and I’m different from you. Maybe our tastes in scenery are different too… Whenever a train full of passengers disappears into the unknown distance ahead, I feel a sense of emptiness. Having someone sit beside me makes me feel more grounded. With this sense of grounding, I can truly enjoy the scenery in front of me.”
I burst into laughter… Leyao took out a cigarette from her handbag and put it in my mouth, trying to stop me from laughing. Then she handed me the whole pack and said, “It’s a gift.”
I asked in surprise, “Where did you get these cigarettes?”
“I took them from the table during dinner… Do you remember? In the past, whenever we had gatherings with friends, you always loved taking little advantages but never dared to do it yourself. You always made me take the cigarettes for you… I just kept that habit… Hehe.”
I was afraid to hear her talk about the past, especially before she got married. My nose felt a bit sore, but I kept a cold expression and scolded her, “What are you talking about?”
“Selfish man, stealing cigarettes from the table.”
“Well, you were the one who took them.”
“I was such an idiot…willingly following your orders like a servant!”
“But now, I’ve finally escaped your clutches. To be honest, only after meeting a man like Cao Jinfei did I realize how low-class you Zhao Yang really are.”
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