Xiaojun seemed very eager to figure out the relationship between Jian Wei and me. She kept looking at me with a questioning gaze. Under her gaze, I suddenly had a moment of clarity. In normal circumstances, I had absolutely no feelings when I was with Jian Wei. However, when it came to the past, I became awkward and evasive.
Finally, I said to Xiaojun, “After experiencing some love, I classify women into three types. One is like a drug, which I can’t resist. One is like a cigarette, which I can get addicted to. And one is like chewing gum, which becomes tasteless the more you chew. I paused briefly before continuing, ‘The past relationship for me was like a drug. I went through too much pain and finally got over my addiction. I no longer have the courage or should I touch it again. So now, all I want is a woman who can make me addicted, and spending a lifetime with her is enough… Do you understand this feeling?”
Xiaojun typed a few words on her phone and showed them to me: “So, is Jian Wei the woman from your past?”
I nodded and said, “If Betsy (Xiaojun helped me send flowers to Mi Cai, and she used an English name), encountered your situation in China, she would help you just like Jian Wei did. So Jian Wei just gave you an initial sense of closeness… In fact, they are the same.”
“Okay, I understand… Can I see a photo of Betsy?”
I took out my phone and showed her a photo of Mi Cai taken while she was working…
She looked surprised: “What a beautiful woman…”
“Beauty isn’t important. What matters is how we feel when we are together.”
“Okay, Brother Zhaoyang, you’re displaying what people call ‘pretentiousness,’ right?”
I smiled and gestured for Xiaojun to keep walking. In my idle thoughts, I pondered how much of my infatuation with Mi Cai was due to her beauty. In reality, beauty was indeed important, but even if she were a bit less attractive, it wouldn’t have detracted from her appeal because she also possessed a certain charm that I liked.
…
After saying goodbye to Xiaojun, I drove to the music restaurant “Empty City,” because Wei Manwen had called me and told me that Rob insisted on waiting for me to have a drink before leaving, which surprised me a bit.
When I arrived, only the staff cleaning up and Rob were left in the restaurant. I asked where Wei Manwen had gone, and Rob answered, “I don’t know.” He was obviously already drunk. Considering this celebration banquet, even if he could handle his liquor, he couldn’t keep up with the rounds of drinking.
I asked the waiter for a can of beer, opened it, raised it toward Rob and said, “Everything is left unsaid. Anyway, brother, I’m happy for you. I’ll drink first to show my respect!”
Rob grabbed my hand and said, “Let’s drink together.” He then poured the beer into his stomach like water and laughed unsteadily, “The new godfather of rock… Zhaoyang, do you think before we became famous, we lived like in hell every day? In the end, was it all for this… this damn title of the new godfather of rock?”
“Just like sunflowers, all the nutrition comes from the muddy ground. Whether good or bad, it’s a process that must be experienced, right, brother?”
Rob shook his head and said, “You misunderstood me… There was a time when I pursued music with ulterior motives. I wanted to make some money in my industry…”
“Did you think that way for Teacher Wei?”
“Yes… You know, we rock musicians always claim that our mental state can transcend the mundane world. But when it comes to spiritual realm, even a hundred Robs combined cannot match a single Wei Manwen…”
Rob was somewhat drunk, but I, who was sober, didn’t understand what spiritual realm he referred to when he spoke of Wei Manwen—was it the Wei Manwen from the past or the one who had returned from the small mountain village? But whether it was the former or the latter, I held great respect for the woman Wei Manwen. She was like a seed buried in a cloud, free from the constraints of the mundane world, neither ecstatically joyful nor obviously sorrowful. That was why she could treat Rob so calmly after his fame… I thought she and Rob were a match made in heaven, so I compared Rob to a sunflower growing in the mud, forever chasing that seed hidden in the clouds… Perhaps their mutual growth had already transcended fate.
Therefore, in terms of emotions, CC should have been convinced after losing to this woman, Wei Man, but this did not mean that CC lacked a high spiritual realm. It was just that she was not on the same wavelength as Rob, and what Rob wanted was just that seed hidden in the clouds.
Rob continued, “Actually, what Man wants is just a life together. But I misunderstood her needs with my worldly eyes. What she likes is just me as a person, not how successful I am in my career… That’s why she didn’t attend my concert this time, to show me her attitude.”
I was silent for a moment, more afraid of the power of misunderstanding in my heart, because this power can make people see the scenery wrong, like the past between Rob and Wei Man… Finally, I said to Rob, “You shouldn’t think too much about it. It’s just a lucky coincidence. At least now you have a secure future. When the time is right, you should marry Teacher Wei and avoid any complications!”
After finishing two cans of beer, I picked up a guitar left by CC and sang alone in front of Rob, the new godfather of rock. As brothers who had gone through hardships together, this was the best way I could congratulate Rob.
I didn’t sing the songs I wrote with Rob, but instead sang Pain of Salvation’s “West Lake,” which fit the mood. When I sang, “No more lingering sunset, no more reflected moonlight, no more intoxicating warm breeze, all vanish in the smoke… That day, that night, walking away from my story…” Rob and I lit a cigarette at the same time. In the dissolving smoke, I saw an event moving away from a story, and with Rob’s unfolding, it would be a brand new story… But my story, which still maintained countless connections with the past, continued…
While singing, the restaurant door was pushed open by two figures in the deepest night. It was Wei Manwen and CC. I was not only surprised that CC had returned from Hong Kong so quickly, but even more surprised that she had come to the restaurant with Wei Manwen. And because it was so late, it was hard for me to believe that their appearance together was a coincidence.
Although I was very curious, I didn’t stop singing. After CC and Wei Manwen sat down together, they didn’t communicate with each other but just quietly listened to me singing this song from Pain of Salvation, “West Lake.”
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