Xiaojun finally ended her day’s business just as my thoughts were running wild. She waved her phone in front of me, snapping me out of my daze. I picked up my phone and checked it. Leyao still hadn’t replied to my message, and I hadn’t figured out anything regarding Fangyuan’s pledge to the board. It turned out I had once again wasted precious moments in meaninglessness.
After closing the flower shop, Xiaojun and I continued walking along the old neighborhood. The wind howled from one end of the alley to the other. I suddenly felt like having a bowl of soybean milk or a warm bowl of noodles. I suggested to Xiaojun, “Do you want to go eat some noodles?”
Xiaojun nodded, then took off her gloves and typed a line on her phone: “But let me treat you this time!”
I smiled, “No need to be so polite. It doesn’t matter who pays.”
“Then let’s play rock-paper-scissors. Whoever loses pays, okay?”
“Finally, I’ve met someone even more bored than me!”
“Come on then.”
Xiaojun stretched out her hand eagerly. I smiled again, indulging her boredom. I counted one, two, three, and we both threw our hands out. I played paper, and she scissors. Xiaojun lost the chance to treat me and looked a bit disappointed. I shrugged. When playing rock-paper-scissors with women, if you want to win, play rock; if you want to lose, play paper, because through years of taking photos, women have developed the habit of making scissors with their fingers, an unconscious habit that often carries over into the game.
After waiting a while at the noodle shop, I finally got the bowl of noodles I had ordered. However, I disliked the oppressive feeling of the cramped space inside the shop, so I took my bowl to the neighboring auto repair shop and sat on an old tire to eat. In the distance, the tall hotel still stood, rising amidst the quiet despair of the old city, becoming increasingly dreamlike in my vision, more and more surreal…
I found myself unable to finish the noodles in the bowl, drinking only the broth. I looked at the road still under construction across from me, watching the dust kicked up by the roller. It floated in the air, yet felt heavy and dull, much like the loneliness of this moment stretching my life into a parallel line, endlessly extending toward the neon lights of the new district. At that moment, I felt an unusual pleasure born from this loneliness.
Xiaojun also brought her bowl of noodles and sat on another tire beside me. Unfortunately, she couldn’t speak, only be a quiet listener. Perhaps all I needed was someone who would listen, someone who wouldn’t argue with me or call me crazy just because they couldn’t understand my words.
I lit a cigarette and said to Xiaojun, “Xiaojun, I always feel that my body is a prison made of steel walls, tightly trapping my soul, tormenting me with aging, illness, and death… Just like last week when my finger got caught in the door and hurt so badly it almost killed me, or a few days ago when I drank until I was completely drunk, nearly vomiting my stomach out. These things don’t really hurt my body—they hurt my soul, because all perception comes from the soul. The body is just a prison that creates pain!”
Xiaojun put down her bowl and typed a line on her phone: “But I feel like your brain must’ve been hit by a door. You have so many weird ideas! You should become an artist.”
“I knew you wouldn’t understand what I’m saying. If you don’t understand, then don’t understand. Why do you have to tease me like others do?”
“I just think thinking so much would be tiring! You should be an optimist. There are many people in this world living more tragic lives than you, but they don’t compare their bodies to prisons. I think the body is the root of the soul. Perhaps one day, without the body to sustain it, the soul will no longer exist!”
“The soul can exist independently. Once it escapes the body’s constraints, it will be free and unbound.”
“You can dislike your own body, but do you also dislike your girlfriend’s body?”
Xiaojun’s question made me think of Mi Cai’s beauty, so perfect it seemed unreal. Every part of her body, even a single expression, was irresistibly attractive to me. So of course, I loved her body with my soul, and I told Xiaojun just that.
Xiaojun smiled, then quickly typed on her phone again and showed it to me: “So how can you selfishly say your body is a prison? To someone who loves you, it might be the most beautiful castle!”
I looked at Xiaojun and realized she was actually a very logical and clever girl. At least in that moment, she had convinced me with a counterexample. I said to her, “Xiaojun, you really are great at conversation.”
“But I can’t even speak.”
Xiaojun typed this short sentence on her phone, but each word seemed heavy, making me regret that I had seemingly ignored her feelings. After a long silence, I finally spoke to comfort her: “Some people speak with their mouths, but others speak with their hearts. You are the latter. That’s why I like talking with you. I think we can become really good friends.”
Xiaojun smiled, her fingers busily typing on her phone screen before showing me: “I would really like to be friends with you—not just because you’ve helped me, but because I think you are a person with a conscience!”
“Rather than focusing on people, I wish society itself had a conscience!” I said, taking a deep drag from my cigarette, then falling silent, unsure why I had been thinking so much about things, relevant or not, lately. Perhaps it had something to do with the loneliness Mi Cai’s departure had left me with… I really hoped she would return soon, bringing the news of Zhuo Mei’s successful IPO.
The night deepened further, and the old city grew even quieter. Xiaojun returned our two empty noodle bowls to the shop. At that moment, my phone suddenly rang. I picked it up and saw that Leyao had finally replied to my message: “About to go to bed. Did you need anything?”
Instinctively, I checked the time. Although it was late, it was only 11 p.m. Leyao’s life seemed to have returned to a healthier rhythm.
I flicked away the cigarette butt and watched it tumble in the wind, feeling lost and unsure whether I should tell her: I hoped she could participate in the short film project together with Cao Jinfei.
After a long while, I finally replied: “Nothing important. Just sending a message to check in… You should go to bed early.”
After I sent the message, Xiaojun walked out from the noodle shop. I said to her, “It’s getting late. Let’s part here for tonight… Oh, tomorrow’s flower bouquet—I’ll pick and send it myself.”
Xiaojun nodded. I waved goodbye to her and walked toward my car parked by the roadside. Then my phone rang again—it was Leyao calling me directly this time.
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