It was already late at night, but this rain at the end of autumn refused to cease, still falling heavily. I was wearing my combat boots, which were fine, but Mi Cai’s white canvas shoes had already been soaked by the slanting rain. Worried she might catch a chill, I said to her, “Your shoes are completely wet. Let’s go back.”
Mi Cai didn’t respond, but she once again took my hand, signaling me to follow her. I held her hand and turned back along the way we had come…
We walked in silence for quite a while, but I wasn’t thinking too much—I just wanted to cherish this time before our parting, imprinting her presence beside me deeply into my memory. When she was truly gone, I could rely on these memories to comfort my loneliness.
Soon, we arrived at the entrance of the residential complex. As usual, we stopped in front of the now-closed convenience store. Mi Cai turned around and looked at the electric rocking horse in front of the store, but only one remained.
I said regretfully, “Looks like the owner didn’t fix the one we broke last time… I shouldn’t have paid him for it!”
Mi Cai ignored my sigh and instead asked, “Do you think this rocking horse, now all alone, feels lonely?”
“Definitely very lonely.”
“So what should we do?”
“Let’s break this one too…”
Mi Cai looked at me, as if thinking I was joking.
I continued, “You know, even if they buy another rocking horse to keep it company, it would still be lonely, because some horses just can’t be replaced…”
“So are we really going to break this last one?”
I looked at the solitary rocking horse, lit a cigarette, and said, “That’s exactly what it wants… I can see in its eyes a longing to be ridden to death by us.”
Mi Cai shook her head and said, “After I leave, talk to the store owner and ask him to buy another rocking horse. It doesn’t need to be so tragic.”
“You have to believe me—it really wants to be ridden to death. Even if you add another horse, it might not like it, but they’d still have to face each other every day. How painful that must be, and how unfair to the other horse too.”
Mi Cai didn’t speak again. At that moment, I pulled her hand and walked to the remaining rocking horse. I climbed on first and made some space, then said, “Come on, if we both get on, we can definitely break it just like last time. Besides, we’ve both eaten so much today, and we’ve gained some weight—this time it’s definitely going to work!”
Mi Cai hesitated, but I got off and lifted her onto the horse, then sat behind her. I inserted a coin into the slot, and the rocking horse began swaying again in its familiar rhythm. Although it made a harsh creaking sound due to the overload, it continued rocking until completing one full cycle.
Surprised, I took out another coin and inserted it, but the rocking horse stubbornly completed another cycle. As I was about to insert a third coin, Mi Cai got off and grabbed my hand, saying, “Don’t put in any more coins—it doesn’t want to die yet!”
I also got off the horse, completely confused about what the rocking horse was thinking. I just felt its existence was too unpredictable.
Mi Cai continued, “You should still ask the store owner to buy another rocking horse. Having just one in front of the store feels unbalanced. Besides, we’ve already broken both of them, so the kids in the neighborhood won’t have anything to play with anymore. That’s not good at all!”
If our entire conversation above was an allegory for the relationship between a man and a woman in reality, then at this moment, Mi Cai had already returned to reality before me. I, however, was still immersed in the metaphor, exclaiming, “I get it now… This rocking horse still holds onto hope, thinking the one we broke will come back. That’s why it’s holding on so desperately… It believes it will definitely wait it out… Ah! But it will never know that the other rocking horse has already been sent to the scrap recycling station and will never return!”
With this fanciful and exaggerated imagination, the story of the two rocking horses suddenly became tragically beautiful. I even felt a bit emotionally choked up and suddenly bit down on my cigarette, saying nothing more.
After a long silence, Mi Cai finally softly said, “This rocking horse is too foolish… We are the cruel executioners!”
I nodded in agreement. If things were exactly as I imagined, then Mi Cai and I were indeed quite cruel—we had separated a once-paired set of rocking horses. But in the end, this was just my fanciful imagination born out of boredom. In reality, it was merely a fictional fairy tale that didn’t actually exist. So I smiled at Mi Cai and reminded her not to get too emotionally involved in my made-up story.
But she didn’t return my smile. Instead, she tightened her grip on my hand and whispered, “Zhaoyang, this rocking horse is truly too foolish… Promise me—you must never be like it.”
I thought about it carefully. I assumed Mi Cai was using the rocking horse as a metaphor, implying I shouldn’t keep longing for my past relationship with Jian Wei. After a moment of silence, I replied, “I won’t be like that.”
…
The afternoon of the following day, I, Fang Yuan, Chen Jingming, Mi Lan, Mi Zhongde, and other senior executives of Zhuo Mei, separately boarded three business cars to send Mi Cai and her team to Shanghai Pudong International Airport.
Even though I was Mi Cai’s boyfriend, I wasn’t in the same car as her. With her were Mi Zhongde, Mi Lan, and other top executives of Zhuo Mei. This arrangement probably had to do with them needing to have a final discussion regarding Zhuo Mei’s business during the trip.
In the same car as me were Fang Yuan, Chen Jingming, and a few senior executives of Zhuo Mei whom I wasn’t very familiar with. Fang Yuan and I sat in the back row. He looked visibly anxious, which was understandable—he still hadn’t received a clear answer from Mi Cai about his position at Zhuo Mei.
Unable to contain myself, I patted Chen Jingming, who was sitting in front, and asked, “Director Chen, did Director Mi say anything to you about Fang Yuan’s situation?”
There was a reason I asked Chen Jingming. If Mi Cai had decided to remove Fang Yuan from his position, she would certainly entrust Chen, her most trusted person, to handle the matter. Therefore, Chen would likely be the first to know Mi Cai’s intentions.
Chen Jingming glanced at Fang Yuan and replied, “Director Mi hasn’t given me any instructions. After all, I’m not in charge of personnel or administration… Honestly, Fang Yuan, I really don’t understand why you insist on not joining Director Mi’s team in the U.S.? From what I know, your wife Yan Yan is only about a month pregnant. That shouldn’t be a big issue. Why would you go against Director Mi’s wishes and risk your career over this?”
Fang Yuan remained silent, clearly not in the mood to answer such questions. I spoke up for him and said to Chen Jingming, “We’re from different generations. You, as a 70s-born old-fashioned guy, really can’t understand the feelings of us 80s-born people…”
Chen Jingming smiled slightly, then ignored me, opened the car window a bit, let in some fresh air, closed his eyes, and began to rest… I felt that this former boss of mine had somehow changed. In the past, when we worked at Baoli Department Store, he would definitely have stood up for Fang Yuan.
Perhaps fame and fortune really do change people. After all, Mi Cai had given him far more than what he had ever experienced at Baoli Department Store. Naturally, he chose to protect himself at this moment. And Fang Yuan himself wasn’t helping—by giving Mi Cai the impression that he had taken the wrong side, he had lost his chance. Otherwise, he and Chen Jingming would have been Mi Cai’s most capable right-hand men.
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