The wind still howled past us, her collar fluttering in this ceaseless breeze. Finally, my gaze shifted from the white fountain basin to the sky, now covered with dark clouds. The bright moon I had seen earlier was gone. Perhaps soon there would be heavy rain, and afterward, the autumn air would become more intense, just like this time last year.
Feeling the rain coming, people in the square gradually dispersed. In the end, only Mi Cai and I remained, along with the persistent wind.
I leaned my guitar against the fountain, pulled out a cigarette from my pocket, lit it, and looked at Mi Cai, whose tears had finally begun to subside, waiting for her reply.
She finally tidied her tear-dampened hair and asked me, “Zhaoyang, are you sure you’re sober now, or are you saying these words only because you’re drunk?”
Mi Cai’s words reminded me. I had always longed to hear her say “I love you,” yet I seemed never to have said it myself, even after we had become a couple. I had kept it hidden in my heart, so I couldn’t answer her question and responded only with silence. Sometimes, I simply wasn’t very good at expressing myself.
Mi Cai seemed to find her answer in my silence. She turned again to leave, but I still grabbed her immediately, refusing to let her go. No matter what, I wanted her to give me a conclusion right now.
Because I was so desperate for that answer, my strength became immense. By inertia, her body closed the distance between us, and her hair floated onto my shoulder in the wind. I gently stroked it, my voice already choked: “I don’t believe this life full of intrigue and compromises is what you truly want… Come back to me, okay?… I believe that if we try just once more, we can definitely find that city again!”
She finally leaned on my shoulder, her voice also choked: “Zhaoyang… I’m also confused and struggling. After we broke up, I was very sad, so I numbed myself with work. But there were always quiet nights when I would think of your smile that evokes endless imagination, and of you hugging the guitar and crying out in the dark… So many times I wanted to send you a message, but… I really didn’t have the courage. I even laughed at myself because I couldn’t control my life like other women do. I feel like I’m living like a machine…!”
I hugged her tightly: “Come back to me, be your true self, a free self, okay?… Even if you have nothing in the future, I will strive to make you live the best life. Seeing you deviate like this, I feel really angry and sad because in my heart, you are a flawless woman. I don’t want to see you sinking deeper and deeper into the flaws you’ve deliberately created!”
Rain finally mixed with the wind, lightly and gently falling down, bringing a cool and pleasant feeling, as if extinguishing our restless emotions. She was silent for a long time before softly asking me, “Zhaoyang, do you believe in destiny?”
“I do believe. Our meeting itself is destiny!”
“This time, let’s not deliberately get back together. Let’s leave the future to destiny, okay?”
“I don’t quite understand what you mean!”
“After sunset tomorrow, we’ll each choose a direction in this city and start walking. If we can meet before midnight, that proves we still have destiny, and we’ll respect it and work together to rebuild that city. If we don’t meet, then our relationship will end here. Neither of us should think of the other again. We’ll just wish each other happiness!”
“No, this city is too big, with too many directions. The chance of meeting is too small!”
“…If there’s still destiny, we’ll definitely meet… Zhaoyang, there are really too many obstacles between us. This way is the best choice… So, please promise me, okay?”
I let go of her and finally saw her face. Her eyes told me: there were indeed too many obstacles between us. Only through this method could she find the courage to reunite. Yes, if we could really meet in this city full of crossroads, wouldn’t we have any reason to be together? Because fate itself had already told us in this way that our destinies were completely tied together!
My drunkenness had already dissipated amidst the emotional ups and downs. I took a deep breath and finally smiled at Mi Cai and said, “Okay, I promise you, because I believe: our destiny will definitely not be defeated by the crossroads of this city… So, see you after sunset tomorrow!”
…
Mi Cai thus left against the wind, carrying our agreement with her. I sat on the fountain, lit another cigarette, and silently watched her leave. When her back finally disappeared from my sight, everything in front of me became blurred. In this blur, I felt the fierceness of fate because often, a person’s entire life is determined by just one moment. Just like me, if I could find her tomorrow among the crowds of this city, I would break all taboos and strive to repair that city. If we couldn’t meet, I would again fall helplessly into the dry river of fate, losing all joy and struggling alone!
The rain finally poured down onto the earth in the densest form, but I still didn’t want to leave because the coolness brought by the rain would help me sober up from drunkenness. I wanted to know, after I was sober, whether I would still have the strong desire and courage to break through the heavy shackles and continue chasing her enchanting back…
I raised my head, heavily wiping the rain off my face. I understood my own heart. My pursuit of her had always been consistent, so tomorrow I must find her. The chance of meeting was so slim, but even if I had to bear the disappointment of lacking destiny, because apart from her, in my world, no other woman could repair that lost city again!
…
Back at my place, I took a hot shower and lay on the bed. I knew this night was destined to be hard for me, so I began imagining the outcome of tomorrow too beautifully and even hated myself for selling the engagement ring I had once given her. What if, after getting back together, she asked me for it, what should I do?
My thoughts began to wander. I imagined buying another one exactly the same, or perhaps I would be lucky enough that the jeweler who bought it had not yet sold the diamond ring, so I could buy it back again… Imagining… imagining… I seemed to really feel Mi Cai returning to my side, and I couldn’t even remember how difficult it was to find her tomorrow in this huge city!
At this moment, I was willing to live in the optimism I had created for myself… But what about Mi Cai? Was this night hard for her too? Was she also imagining what she would look like as Zhaoyang’s bride in a wedding dress tomorrow?
Tai Sui Yellow Amulet Paper FuLu Taoist Love Talisman Traditional Chinese Spiritual Charm Attracting Love Protecting Marriage