I gave Mi Cai my blessings with a smile, but she did not respond with one. Instead, she remained silent, gazing at the fountain behind me, still as emotionless as ever. This lack of emotion gradually infected me, and I simply stared at the maple tree behind her until a maple leaf landed on her shoulder…
Old Ban had somehow arrived at the sanatorium at some point, carrying a thermos box and several jars, walking toward us.
Finally, I said to Mi Cai, “My father is here, behind you.”
Mi Cai glanced back, then stood up from the bench. Only when Old Ban reached her did she finally show a relaxed smile and called him, “Uncle.”
Old Ban lifted the thermos box in his hand and asked with a smile, “Haven’t had lunch yet, right?”
Mi Cai nodded. Old Ban smiled again and said, “Yourao and I just came from Xuzhou. We didn’t have much time at noon, so I just made some simple, home-style dishes.”
“Uncle, I really like your home-style cooking!”
Old Ban placed the thermos box on the stone table under the maple tree, and with concern, asked Mi Cai, “Xiao Mi, how is your health now? Do you still feel dizzy?”
“Uncle, don’t worry, I’m much better now. I guess I was just a bit tired lately.”
“Then you must be sure to rest more. In summer, people get anxious easily, the body is fragile, and with work stress, it’s easy to feel dizzy.”
I interrupted, “Old Ban, she’s a top student after all. How could she not understand such basic life knowledge? Don’t nag her.”
Mi Cai looked at me with a complex expression, and I turned to Old Ban, who looked somewhat surprised, and said, “You can leave the food here. We should go out for lunch now. It’s almost one o’clock already!”
Old Ban finally sensed the awkwardness and, after a brief silence, said to Mi Cai, “Alright then. Yourao and I will go out for lunch first. In the jar next to the thermos is some cooling tea made with Prunella vulgaris and honeysuckle, which can help you relax. If it tastes too bitter, add some honey. The honey is in the smallest jar. Be sure to drink it after lunch…”
I interrupted Old Ban again, complaining, “Dad, since when did you become so nagging? I’m starving. Can we just go eat already?”
Mi Cai looked at the various jars on the stone table, her eyes faintly brimming with tears. My heart ached again, and I only wanted to leave this uncomfortable place as soon as possible. I walked ahead of Old Ban toward the parked car.
In an instant, I drove the car up beside Old Ban, urging him to get in…
Old Ban opened the passenger door and got into the car. Before starting the car, I looked at Mi Cai one last time. She seemed to want to say something but bit her lip instead. Finally, I said to her, “There’s a maple leaf on your shoulder.”
Mi Cai turned her head to look, then removed the maple leaf from her shoulder. I said nothing else, rolled up the window, and drove away with Old Ban. Only after we left the gate did I realize I hadn’t even said goodbye to her… but what did it matter? Some people are born to be lonely, like me, like Mi Cai, so we don’t need farewells between us, because farewells cannot save our loneliness. And this tragedy stems from the fact that we never truly relied on each other. Whoever is lonely and whoever is suffering, it’s all deserved!
…
During the meal with Old Ban, I didn’t say much, only telling him: Mi Cai is already preparing to marry another man. Then he fell completely silent, and didn’t speak another word to me until he left Suzhou. I suppose he felt disappointed, but he also understood that at this point, no matter how much effort he made, nothing could be salvaged. It was better to accept the outcome in silence, at least preserving some dignity for his son.
I seemed to have already become accustomed to pain, so that afternoon, I remained very calm—calmly smoking half a pack of cigarettes, calmly sleeping for a few hours, and then calmly calling Jian Wei to plan returning the car to her.
In my memory, it seemed like a long time since I last held a guitar and sang. So that evening, I took my guitar to the riverside and decided to sing because calmness doesn’t mean the absence of emotion. I needed an outlet—one related to the guitar, not alcohol.
Thinking about it, I really had become much calmer than before, so I didn’t go to a bar or drink. I simply came to this riverside, which also conveniently allowed me to return the car to Jian Wei. Wasn’t that rational enough?
Lighting a cigarette and strumming the guitar strings, my throat inexplicably felt dry, so I sang “The Words of Love” in a much hoarser voice than before. But the more I sang, the less I understood why I risked heartache by singing such a song filled with memories.
Perhaps I was imagining a conversation with Mi Zhongxin. I wanted to ask him: Did he approve of everything his beloved daughter is doing now? And did he approve of all the changes and efforts I once made for Mi Cai?
Singing, I felt a warmth in my eyes and could no longer continue. I simply stared at the rippling river, slowly finishing the cigarette in my hand, then looked up at the sky, where the sunset had already been covered by thick clouds…
…
Jian Wei finally arrived beside me. Sitting down, she asked, “Didn’t you say you’d come back tomorrow? Why did you come back early?”
I threw the car key to her and, imitating Mi Cai’s emotionless manner, replied, “Something came up suddenly.”
Jian Wei nodded without saying much, as usual taking a stack of documents from her handbag, seemingly ready to enter work mode immediately.
Looking at her, she turned her head and asked me, “Why are you staring at me like that?”
“When are you planning to marry Xiang Chen?”
Jian Wei was somewhat surprised by my sudden question. After a while, she replied, “Next year. Didn’t I tell you before?”
“Then get married soon. It’ll be more stable after marriage…”
“Who upset you into this state again?”
I smiled, somewhat disdainfully replying, “Me, upset? Let me tell you, I’ve survived this long already. I’m immune to everything now!”
“If I were in charge of taxation, I would definitely include bragging in the tax scope. Let’s see if you people dare to boast recklessly like this anymore!”
I didn’t respond, lying flat on the grass, staring at the dull sky for a long time before finally asking Jian Wei, “What do you think our current relationship is?”
Jian Wei was taken aback for a moment and replied, “We can be considered friends, or you could say business partners.”
“I’ve always wanted to ask: we keep meeting so frequently, and now we’ve even entered into a business partnership. Isn’t Xiang Chen bothered by this at all?”
Jian Wei shook her head with a smile and said, “Zhao Yang, you and I are both good horses. Who would still be thinking about the grass that can only be eaten by turning their head back? So Xiang Chen won’t mind. Moreover, I’ve always thought he was a confident man. He understands very well what kind of mindset is needed to keep a woman by his side.”
After a long pause, I finally smiled bitterly. If Jian Wei’s words were true, compared to Xiang Chen, I really couldn’t be considered a confident man. That’s why both Jian Wei and Mi Cai left me one after another, and I fell into becoming a solitary person among the crowd… feeling that love and marriage were increasingly distant from me!
Thus, somewhat resigned, I decided to give up unrealistic fantasies about love and quickly find a woman to marry! Then, I would devote myself wholeheartedly to building that “cultural and artistic path” and realize the life value I should achieve!
Tai Sui Yellow Amulet Paper FuLu Taoist Love Talisman Traditional Chinese Spiritual Charm Attracting Love Protecting Marriage