Board Dad was waiting for my reply, and giving him a ride to Shanghai would be no trouble at all, so I readily said, “Sure, I’ll drive you straight to Shanghai the day after tomorrow.”
“You focus on your work. Just drop me off in Suzhou.”
“It’s not until the day after tomorrow anyway. We’ll figure it out then.”
Board Dad grunted in agreement and hung up. Jianwei, however, looked at me with confusion and asked, “Your dad wants a ride to Shanghai?”
“Yeah, and then you’ll have someone to chat with on the way.”
“With your dad’s stubborn personality? Do you really think he’d talk to me? Come on, that’s not funny.”
“If you really have nothing in common, then you can just avoid each other… You can take the train back. There are even sleeper compartments. It’s practically a luxury experience!”
Jianwei’s expression immediately darkened, and she reached out to pull my hair…
I dodged while driving nervously and said, “Please don’t play around. I’m driving!”
“Zhaoyang, you really are impossible!”
I slammed on the brakes and pulled the car to the side of the road, furious. “Everyone thinks I’m impossible, but who’s ever truly understood my helplessness? Who can ever stand in my shoes and see what I have to face? Jianwei, I really feel like I’ve been living in frustration all these years. It’s like I’ve committed a capital offense just by offending someone. Am I really that despicable?”
Jianwei looked at me with a complicated expression, then softly said after a pause, “I’m sorry… I should understand your difficulties. I’ll take the train back tomorrow morning, so you won’t be troubled anymore.”
I opened the car door and stood by the empty roadside. All the unbearable pain of these past few years finally erupted at this moment. I screamed loudly into the open field. In my scream, I seemed to see again those humiliating moments that had left deep scars in my life, and I saw how my sincere feelings had been trampled upon like garbage… So I screamed even harder, wishing I could tear my body apart to release the pain through pain!
Finally, I sat down on the ground, instinctively pulling out a cigarette from my pocket and lighting it, breathing heavily after the emotional release…
Jianwei came to my side. She squatted down, linked her arm with mine, and rested her forehead on my shoulder. She seemed to be crying, or maybe not, but her body was trembling slightly…
Her voice was barely audible: “I’m sorry… I’m sorry, it’s me… who’s off track.”
I no longer wanted to explore anything. I just wanted to enjoy the pleasure this cigarette brought me, so I faced the sunset through the swirling smoke, watching the mountains stretching into the distance beneath the twilight sky…
Jianwei finally lifted her head. Her face was dry, but my shoulder was damp. I took off my T-shirt and lit another cigarette, while Jianwei snatched the discarded shirt from my hand, tore it into strips with her hands, and pressed them against me without a word…
“It’s a perfectly good T-shirt. Why did you tear it up?”
“I’m venting too!”
“Then tear up your own clothes! Why mine? It didn’t do anything wrong…”
“I’m a girl.”
Thinking about it, I realized that between us, there really was a difference between men and women. So my clothes could be torn, but hers could not!
“Zhaoyang, take me to eat some dihuo, just like a few years ago. Okay?”
“Sure, but you have to go get me a new shirt first.”
“You’re a guy. It’s fine to be shirtless.”
I sighed and said, “Yeah, I’m a guy. How could I betray the word ‘man’? So all the pain I should and shouldn’t bear, I should ignore it all and live in a careless lie.”
Jianwei was silent for a long time, then walked to her car, took out a white T-shirt from the trunk, and handed it to me. “It’s our company uniform. Wear it for now.”
I took it from her hands, examined it repeatedly, and felt it wasn’t my size, so I said, “It’s too small. Go get a bigger one!”
“That’s the only one. Make do with it.”
“When it comes to clothes, I never ‘make do’!”
“Are you implying that women are like clothes?… But some so-called brothers haven’t treated you like a close friend either!”
“What kind of logic is that! I’m just talking about clothes here, nothing more… You shouldn’t have taken the initiative to tear up my shirt. We haven’t even had dinner yet, and you already have the strength to do that. I don’t know where you get it!”
“Zhaoyang, don’t complain so much. It’s just a T-shirt. I’ll go buy you a new one right now. Wait here, okay?”
“Go ahead. My size hasn’t changed. Buy one that looks good, or even an expensive one!”
Jianwei nodded and drove toward the city. At that moment, for reasons unknown, seeing her obedient appearance made my heart ache. In that ache, I vaguely sensed some grievance and pain hidden deep inside her. I guess I was still used to the strong, never-backing-down her.
…
After Jianwei left, I sat bare-chested by the empty roadside, feeling the wild evening breeze. I looked up at the sky, and the sunset had long vanished, replaced by a sky full of dark clouds. Truly, the July weather was unpredictable. A lightning strike was about to come, ready to throw the world into chaos!
My phone suddenly rang without warning. I took it out of my pocket and saw it was Fangyuan calling. I answered, “Speak quickly. I’m in a place with thunder. I might get struck by lightning any second!”
Fangyuan asked anxiously, “Where are you now?”
“I really am in a place where lightning might strike. Don’t think I’m joking with you!”
“In broad daylight, where’s the thunder?”
“I’m not in Suzhou anymore. I’m back in Xuzhou!”
“Zhaoyang, you really picked the worst time to come back!… Director Mi just fainted during a high-level meeting! She’s on her way to the hospital now… Sigh! Why did you have to leave just at this moment?”
My heart instinctively shuddered, and I immediately asked Fangyuan, “What happened to her?”
“She’s been overworking lately. Probably just exhaustion!”
I realized that Fangyuan didn’t know about my breakup with Mi Cai, which was why he urgently called me, hoping I would take on the responsibility of a boyfriend. But I couldn’t bear that responsibility anymore. Finally, I told him, “Please go to the hospital and check on her. I can’t come back.”
“What are you talking about? Director Mi is your girlfriend. Even if it rains knives from the sky, you must come back tonight. You can’t have any excuses for this!”
The image of Mi Cai collapsing from exhaustion flashed in my mind. My heart felt unbearably heavy, as if it had been chopped into pieces. Still, I gritted my teeth and said to Fangyuan, “…We’ve already broken up. I… I can’t take responsibility for her anymore!”
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