At around 9 PM, Mi Cai finally finished her work for the day. After neatly organizing the documents she had processed, she grabbed her handbag from a nearby shelf and prepared to leave.
I immediately stood up and followed her. We walked out of the executive-only corridor together and took the elevator. Finally, I spoke to her, as she had been ignoring me: “Have dinner with me, will you? I haven’t eaten dinner yet.”
“I’ve already had my company lunch.”
“Then will you just keep me company while I eat?”
“I’m really tired today. I just want to go home and rest.”
The elevator doors opened, and Mi Cai began walking toward her parking spot. I caught up with her and stood in front of her car door. “Let’s not have any cold wars between us, okay? I admit, I did many wrong things in the past, and I regret them, but nothing can be changed now. As Luoben rightly said, life moves forward, not backward. Can you forget the past and think about our future together?”
Mi Cai looked at me with a complicated expression but remained silent. We stood there, our faces sweating from the oppressive heat in the parking garage.
I spoke again: “Let’s find a place to have something to drink, or you can come home with me, and we can talk calmly. I still believe you know that this incident was maliciously orchestrated by someone behind the scenes. We’re about to get married, and he just couldn’t wait anymore!”
Mi Cai finally spoke: “It’s not about who orchestrated this incident that bothers me, but rather your feelings and thoughts during this event. Actually, there are some things I just didn’t want to admit to myself.”
“Can you be more specific?”
“People are called human because they can associate and find similarities between seemingly unrelated events. I do know about your past indulgent lifestyle, and I can forgive it because it’s something that happened long ago, but it’s still a knot in my heart. That’s why I never deliberately think about it. But when those hotel records and photos were placed in front of me, I felt indescribable emotions. I couldn’t help but recall the past, all those moments you spent with Leyao… I know you had a physical relationship with her. I know you gave up your life in Xuzhou and returned to Suzhou for her. When she was unwell, you took meticulous care of her. When she encountered difficulties in Beijing, you rushed there at the first opportunity… All these things I saw with my own eyes. When I connect all these events, I really doubt whether your feelings for her were merely sympathy or friendship… Zhaoyang, can you give me a definite answer?”
I remained silent. In fact, I myself was confused about many feelings I had for Leyao, but there was no doubt about my love for Mi Cai. Could a man really love two women at the same time—one passionately, and the other only gradually realizing his feelings?
I didn’t quite believe in this conclusion I had drawn, so I said: “It’s you I love, and it’s you I want to marry…”
“Zhaoyang, I’m really confused right now, and I don’t want to make any choices. Let me have some time to myself for a while. I still have a lot of work to handle!”
Suddenly, a surge of resentment rose in my heart, and I angrily said: “Work, work, work! In your eyes, there’s always only work, and everything else should give way to it, right? I know, after all, I’m just an accessory in your life, so you can completely ignore my anxiety and unease, continuing to immerse yourself in your work with an unchanging heart!”
My sudden outburst made Mi Cai’s face show that complex expression again. She seemed to want to vent but was holding herself back. After a long pause, she softly said to me: “Yes, all of this is my fault. It’s because I haven’t paid enough attention to you that you were motivated to maintain an ambiguous relationship with another woman that you can never escape.”
Mi Cai’s words immediately blocked any response I could make. After a while, I said: “If you have any grievances against me, just say them all today, because holding them in and enduring silently is very painful.”
“There’s nothing more to say between us—it’s always the same two issues. Because neither of us has changed for the other, we still live in our own worlds, self-absorbed.”
“So according to you, you’re admitting that our relationship is far less important to you than Zhuomei and your career!”
Mi Cai didn’t respond. After a while, she pushed me aside, opened the car door, and got inside…
Watching her car gradually disappear from my sight, I stubbornly refused to believe that Mi Cai had answered me with her silence. Yet at that moment, I truly felt exhausted in this relationship. The current situation was so far from the love I had originally envisioned!
…
The night grew deeper, and without any destination in mind, I aimlessly wandered the streets alone. As I walked, I tried to make sense of some things, but the more I thought, the more confused I became, and the more anxious I felt, not knowing how to release this frustration. I muttered to myself, attracting disapproving glances from passersby. Those looks made me feel once again that the entire world seemed to be lonely, leaving only myself behind—because no one could understand you, or perhaps no one was willing to spend the effort to understand you. If there’s no understanding, then what is there to talk about?
Unable to bear this loneliness of being misunderstood any longer, I kicked the beer can in my hand away furiously and stood in the middle of the street, shouting loudly: “Time! Can’t you just move faster and turn the page on this damn life already? Otherwise, living like this day after day, how am I supposed to go on?”
Exhausted from venting, I sat down on the edge of the sidewalk, trembling slightly as I fumbled in my pocket for a cigarette, lighting it up. I stared blankly at the crowds avoiding me until the sudden ring of my phone ended this feeling of nonexistence.
I quickly pulled the phone out of my pocket, checked the number, and saw it was Jian Wei calling. I felt a bit disappointed, and after a moment’s hesitation, I finally answered the call.
Jian Wei said to me: “Zhaoyang, how far have you gotten with setting up the company registration?”
“I’ve been a bit busy lately. Can we delay it for a few days?”
“Don’t delay it. Uncle Yang Congrong has already started planning the promotional strategy. You must coordinate with him, or we’ll waste valuable human resources!”
I was silent for a while before replying: “I understand.”
“Oh, by the way, we’ve already designed the visual identity system for Lukoo (the company Zhaoyang was preparing to establish). If you have time now, come take a look. We can discuss any feedback you have.”
At that moment, filled with exhaustion, my instinct was to push this matter to tomorrow. However, due to the recent emotional turmoil, I had already delayed too much work. I should be responsible to my partners and my own career. Finally, overcoming my fatigue, I said to Jian Wei: “Okay, I’ll come to your company right away. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
Tai Sui Yellow Amulet Paper FuLu Taoist Love Talisman Traditional Chinese Spiritual Charm Attracting Love Protecting Marriage