It was already midnight, and I was still sitting on that balcony filled with plants, all the windows open, letting the night wind blow fiercely against the beer can in my hand. At that moment, I realized how lonely it was to be in a place where only I existed—it seemed to cry along with the wind, because it had already been marked with Mi Cai’s presence. But now she was gone, and perhaps wouldn’t return for a long time!
By the early hours of dawn, I had fallen asleep leaning against the windowsill. My dreams were filled with anxiety and unease, so much so that when I woke up around noon, my T-shirt was soaked through with sweat.
Instinctively, I reached into my pocket for my phone. Many people had called me that morning, but not Mi Cai. Although I had expected this, I still felt deeply disappointed. I felt as though she had suddenly moved far away from me—even if she hadn’t become completely unreachable.
I had no appetite at all. I simply took a hot shower and then sat on the sofa, uninterested in anything. I kept thinking back to the scene a few days earlier when I had proposed to Mi Cai, still clinging to the hope that since she hadn’t returned the engagement ring, there might still be a chance for us.
Lighting a cigarette, I finally couldn’t bear it anymore and dialed CC’s number, thinking Mi Cai might have gone to her if she was upset.
CC answered quickly, and I immediately asked, “Has Mi Cai come to you?”
“No, she… already knows?”
Her reply filled me with disappointment. After a long silence, I replied, “Yes, she left last night. She’s not with you, and I don’t even know where she went.”
“Have you called her?”
“If she really wanted to leave, would she answer my call now?”
“Don’t think too much. Call her. Maybe she’s waiting for you to comfort her right now.”
“CC, this time it’s serious. She’s not the kind of woman who can be easily comforted. That’s why I called you. Please help me talk some sense into her. I really don’t want our love, which had just started to show promise, to fall apart like this. It’s really painful!”
“Okay, I’ll call her first. You wait for my update.”
“Great, I’ll be at the Kongcheng Restaurant waiting for you. If possible, bring her along and have dinner with us.”
“I’ll try my best.”
…
After ending the call with CC, I immediately headed to the Kongcheng Music Restaurant. On the way, I gathered my courage and dialed Mi Cai’s number again. She didn’t answer, but she hadn’t blocked me either. This gave me another glimmer of hope—perhaps she was reluctant to end our relationship completely and just needed some time to work through her negative emotions, which is why she hadn’t completely cut contact with me.
When I arrived at the restaurant, I was caught in a restless wait. Coincidentally, Luoben was there rehearsing with his former band, “Tearing Nerves,” preparing for the next round of original music competitions.
I ordered some draft beer, had no interest in listening to Luoben’s singing, and kept checking my phone, afraid I might miss CC’s call.
After a while, Luoben came over after finishing his songs, lit a cigarette, and said, “I saw the news yesterday… Leyao’s situation has escalated, and you’ve been dragged into it too!”
Feeling upset, I lit another cigarette and replied, “Yeah, life has played another cruel joke on me. I don’t know if I can survive this one… I mean my relationship with Mi Cai.”
“What? Did she get upset with you?”
“I wish she would just cry and argue with me!”
“She left without saying a word?”
“More or less. Anyway, she won’t answer my calls now…”
“You’ve spoiled her with that behavior, haven’t you?”
“I don’t think that’s her problem. Thinking back to my own actions a few years ago, I did a lot of stupid things. She just hasn’t been able to accept them yet… Actually, I envy you. Even though you slept with just as many messy women as I did, Wei Manwen eventually forgave you!”
“Mi Cai and Manwen aren’t comparable, and your relationship with her isn’t comparable to ours either…”
“How come they aren’t comparable?”
“Because the depth of emotional investment is different. If one day you physically betrayed Mi Cai, she might feel sad, but she would still be the chairman of Zhuo Mei, and her life would continue as usual. But Manwen’s world collapsed, and she ended up teaching in a small village… That’s the difference in how deeply they value emotions. In the end, she forgave all my past recklessness, of course, those were just past events. Life moves forward, not backward, so there’s no point in revisiting the past.”
Luoben’s words weren’t entirely correct, but there was some truth to them. Even as an outsider, he could see that for Mi Cai, Zhuo Mei always came first, and love was perhaps just an accessory in her life.
As I remained silent, Luoben continued, “Zhaoyang, being in a romantic relationship between a man and a woman is like standing on a balance scale. Once the two people develop an imbalance in emotional weight, the scale will tip. At that point, both parties need to use tolerance and patience to compensate for the imbalance. But Mi Cai doesn’t seem to understand this principle, which is why you always feel cautious, even pathetic, in this relationship… Sometimes, I really don’t understand what motivates you to maintain this love. Is it really because of her stunning beauty?… I don’t think you’re that shallow! It’s just that you’ve always been overly serious about love, but you’ve chosen the wrong person to be serious with.”
“You have a prejudice against her!”
Luoben remained calm in the face of my anger. After stubbing out his cigarette, he said, “I don’t have any prejudice against her. At least, we’re still friends. I said what I did because I feel sorry for Leyao… When the same incident happened to you, did you even say a word of concern for her? At a time like this, what must she be feeling all alone? Have you ever thought about that?”
With Luoben’s blunt reminder, I thought of Leyao again and tried to imagine myself in her place. I realized: in such a situation, she must be even more upset than either of us!… But no matter what, I couldn’t go to Beijing this time, unless I really didn’t care about my relationship with Mi Cai anymore!
My silence prompted Luoben to sigh deeply. After a long pause, he said, “You’ve completely lost yourself in this relationship—I’ve seen right through it. But what exactly makes Leyao inferior to Mi Cai? In terms of looks, I don’t see a significant difference. In terms of family background, Leyao might not be worse off than Mi Cai either. More importantly, she truly cares about you, Zhaoyang. Think about it yourself: during all those years you messed around in nightclubs with countless women, didn’t she stay by your side all along, always available when you called and dismissed when you were done?… Damn it! Sometimes I think she really brought it upon herself, treating you like an emperor, getting nothing in return, while ruining her reputation in the entertainment industry!”
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