After I told Mi Cai everything about what Luo Ben was going through, she fell silent, remaining quiet for a long time without uttering another word, and refused to leave the flowing riverbank of Xitang.
Time passed until the early hours of the morning. I reminded her again that it was time to leave, after all, the real summer had not yet arrived, and her thin clothing could not protect her from the dampness of the riverside.
She looked up at me and finally said, “If Luo Ben no longer wants CC, please promise me you’ll stay by her side and comfort her.”
I nodded without saying much, yet I could feel how much CC meant to Mi Cai. Having grown up lonely, CC had become her soul mate, and in Mi Cai’s heart, CC was probably already like an older sister.
…
Back at the guesthouse, Mi Cai and I went to our respective rooms, but I wasn’t as eager for sleep as I had imagined. I grabbed my laptop and sat on the bed, surfing the internet for the latest travel news. Indeed, I was very eager to make a name for myself in the tourism industry, so I needed to constantly update myself with relevant information.
At one o’clock in the morning, I suddenly heard faint sobbing from the balcony. I instinctively shivered, but soon realized it was CC’s voice. Her voice was so unique that even her crying sounded distinct.
I quickly shut down my laptop, threw on my jacket, and rushed to the balcony. As expected, I saw CC hugging her knees. She had her back to me, and the wild rose tattoo on the back of her neck seemed, in the mist of the late night, to symbolize how free and unrestrained she had once been.
I patted her shoulder and asked, “Crying?”
She was startled by my sudden appearance, her face first showing fear, then, with tear-streaked cheeks, she scolded me, “Crying about what! You walk like a guy without making a sound, you scared me to death!”
I looked down at my feet, which were wearing the thin slippers provided by the hotel, and replied, “Well, I’m not wearing high heels, so what sound am I supposed to make!”
CC ignored me but used the back of her hand to wipe away the tears on her face.
I nudged her aside, motioning for her to make some space. She reluctantly shifted a bit, and so the two of us sat carelessly on the dusty ground.
I pulled out a cigarette from the pack and handed it to CC, lit it for her, and lit one for myself, but I didn’t rush to speak.
CC took a deep drag of the cigarette, closed her eyes, and skillfully exhaled a straight line of smoke from her mouth. It was skillful, but normal—after all, she had been a heavy smoker for many years.
Yet such a wild woman had just been crying. Probably only she herself knew how much pain she was enduring at this moment.
Halfway through the cigarette, she finally smiled bitterly at me and said, “Zhaoyang, do you think I’m especially pathetic, always clinging to someone who doesn’t love me, trying to force him to love me?”
“You’re just too obsessed with love, and unfortunately, you loved the wrong person.”
“I’ve always hoped he would fall in love with me the way I fell in love with him… So for him, I’m willing to do anything, even… even endure his obsession with his first love without self-respect!”
“And the result of enduring is just like now, bearing the pain and loneliness alone, crying on this rooftop in the middle of the night.”
CC remained silent, took another deep drag of her cigarette, and exhaled. Perhaps the smoke had spread too much in the night air, obscuring her expression so I couldn’t see what she was thinking. I tapped my finger against my head, trying to think of another way to comfort her, but at that moment, CC started crying again, though she refused to speak. This silent crying made me feel heartbroken for her, and I panicked…
I quickly nudged her and said, “Don’t cry, I’ve never seen you cry before in all these years!”
She glared at me through her tears: “All these years! Who raised you, me or you raised me? Can’t you use the right words!”
I felt like laughing inside but didn’t have the heart to do so. I put my arm around her shoulder and said, “Don’t cry, really, don’t cry. In my eyes, you’ve always been a wild rose that’s immune to wind and rain, always standing tall and ready to bloom at dawn. How could tears now dampen this wild rose?”
CC buried her head on my shoulder and finally burst into tears: “Zhaoyang… I really… really don’t want to lose Luo Ben. I’ve already become a foolish woman who has fallen deep into love!”
I felt even sadder inside, but I could only gently pat her back, trying to help her breathe easier. Yet I felt so helpless—I couldn’t possibly replace Luo Ben and do anything for her. In the end, I seemed to see her fragile stubbornness and deep insecurity.
Lighting another cigarette, I smoked silently, growing even more curious in my heart—just who exactly was Wei Manwen? Why, after being gone for so many years, could she still prevent Luo Ben from feeling any romantic feelings for any other woman, even CC, who was so full of personal charm?
Compared to Luo Ben, why had I been able to let go of my obsession with Jian Wei? And what exactly is a first love anyway?
Only then did I realize that the helplessness and questions hidden deep inside me were no fewer than what CC was experiencing now…
It was a very regretful night because I failed to successfully comfort CC. But to be fair, who could possibly comfort a woman who had fallen so deeply in love in just one night? So sometimes, I really wished CC would find another man who could replace Luo Ben for her to love, like that man she once mentioned who quietly donated 100,000 yuan to the “Empty City Music Restaurant.”
…
After only a few hours of sleep, morning arrived. I had breakfast with everyone at a nearby restaurant and then quickly became busy again. Tourists who had purchased packages through “Easy Travel Network” had started arriving in Xitang, so I kept driving back and forth between the guesthouse and the station, settling one group after another, completely forgetting it was my birthday.
This kind of busyness made me feel grounded, but also regretful, because it meant I had less time to spend with Mi Cai. It wasn’t until the evening, when the flow of tourists finally slowed down, that I handed over the reception duties to Tongzi and joined everyone at A Feng’s bar to celebrate my 27th birthday.
Perhaps because I was too exhausted, I interacted very little during the birthday party, even refusing A Feng’s request for me to sing on stage to liven up the atmosphere.
Or perhaps it was because I was anxious about the upcoming revelation of Wei Manwen’s whereabouts, and worried about CC and Luo Ben. In any case, at this birthday gathering filled with many good friends, my mood was indeed low.
As for CC, usually so cheerful, she had also become quiet and withdrawn, like a wild rose withering under the torment of love!
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