The night and the lights seemed to compose a small poem about Xitang. On the street paved with bluish stones, groups of tourists occasionally passed by, admiring the gradually blooming March flowers. Yet no one seemed to care about our small inn named “Inn.”
I no longer wanted to wait passively, so I fetched my guitar from my room and sat under a willow tree opposite the inn, playing and singing by myself.
After finishing a song, some tourists gathered around me, asking if I was a wandering singer. When I told them I was the owner of the inn across the street, half of them immediately dispersed.
Finally, only a student couple remained. After I promised them a 30% discount, they agreed to stay at our inn.
Even so, I still felt it was a decent result, at least I had gained something.
After returning the guitar to the inn, I went to A Feng’s bar “I’m Waiting for You in Xitang.” As usual, I ordered some beer and discussed the “perfect travel plan” with him.
After finalizing some details, it was already 11 p.m., but I didn’t feel like returning to the inn, so I ordered two more bottles of beer.
A Feng comforted me, saying, “Don’t be too anxious about the inn. I believe the business will improve after implementing this plan.”
I nodded, clinked my beer bottle with his, and we continued chatting. Eventually, we talked about that woman who often wore red clothes.
Jokingly, A Feng said, “Since she left Xitang, our bar’s income has dropped by half!”
“She’ll come back.”
A Feng asked doubtfully, “You’re sure?”
“The night before she left Xitang, I met her once… It was obvious that her heart was still burdened.”
A Feng nodded with a sigh, “She’s a woman deeply wounded. Since it’s such a serious injury, it won’t be easily healed… I just don’t understand, what kind of man could hurt her emotionally?”
I smiled and said, “I didn’t understand before, but now I do…”
“What do you mean by that?”
I shrugged my shoulders, clinked my beer bottle with A Feng’s again, and said, “It’s something that can only be understood, not explained!”
A Feng made a helpless expression, drank the remaining beer in his bottle, and then stood up and walked toward the stage.
…
My world temporarily quieted down with A Feng’s singing. I placed my hands behind my head, closed my eyes to rest, until my phone vibrated.
I took out my phone from my pocket and saw it was a call from Ban Die. My heart immediately sank, knowing that what was destined to come could never be avoided.
I answered the call, trying to force a smile, and said, “Ban Die, why are you still up?”
“Your mom and I are coming to Xitang in a couple of days.”
“I’m doing fine here, you don’t need to go through the trouble of coming all the way.”
Ban Die’s tone was cold, “Don’t pretend to be ignorant. You know why we’re coming to Xitang, don’t you?”
“I do understand.”
“A man should think carefully and know his limits. Tell me, what exactly are you doing staying in Xitang?”
“Staying in Xitang is the result of my careful consideration.”
“People don’t live entirely for themselves. You’re already 27 years old. Think about your responsibilities!”
I remained silent for a long time, and Ban Die hung up the phone in silence.
Hearing the continuous dial tone, I felt a surge of anxiety. I picked up another bottle of beer and drank it all in one go, letting myself drift into the night.
…
Back at the inn, I lay on the bed without even bothering to wash up. At that moment, I really wanted to find someone to help me figure out why there were always various obstacles whenever I chose a lifestyle. Was it my own subjective deviation from the world, or was it the world objectively pushing me away?
I couldn’t find an answer, so I sent a message to Mi Cai, throwing this question to her, hoping she could help me understand from an observer’s perspective.
Shortly after, Mi Cai replied: “What you should care about is why the deviation occurs, not the relationship between you and the world.”
Perhaps I shouldn’t have turned to Mi Cai for clarity, because her sharp mind had already elevated this topic to a philosophical level, which made me feel even more lost.
After a while, I replied to her message: “There are many people from other cities running inns in Xitang, and many of them are also unmarried. Why am I the only one facing resistance from my family?”
“How do you know they haven’t faced family resistance too?”
“So you mean: they might have faced it, but they persisted, right?”
“Exactly… People’s perspectives are always limited. Often, they tend to look at problems from their own advantageous standpoint, thus always feeling that others’ situations are problematic and that they themselves are wronged.”
“People can be so selfish!”
“But many people mistake their selfishness for nobility!”
“Are you implying me?”
Mi Cai didn’t answer directly; she just said, “Regarding your staying in Xitang, it can be seen as a noble aspiration for a good man, or as your disregard for your parents’ feelings. Therefore, the world is inherently contradictory, with no absolute right or wrong—it depends on whether the people you long for understanding from are willing to understand you!”
“So the key issue is understanding, right?”
“Yes. If they are willing to understand you, you can achieve something in Xitang, give back to your family, even to society, and then you will be noble. But if they refuse to understand you, even if you achieve success, you will always be seen as selfish.”
Mi Cai’s answer enlightened me. If I truly decided to achieve something in Xitang, I must gain the understanding of Ban Die and Mama.
As I was thinking about how to make them understand my decision, Mi Cai sent me another message: “Are your parents coming to Xitang to find you?”
“Yes, they’ll come soon.”
“They hope you have a stable career and a girlfriend, right?”
“That’s what most parents expect.”
“Then why don’t you fulfill their expectations?”
Indeed, I might possibly turn the inn into a stable career in the future, but a girlfriend? Where could I find one who would satisfy them right now?
I thought of Mi Cai, but… under the current circumstances, how could I possibly bring this up with her?
“Zhao Yang, why aren’t you replying?”
“I don’t have the ability to fulfill their expectations right now.”
This time, Mi Cai took a long time before replying: “…I know your father has always considered me your girlfriend.”
I couldn’t be sure whether Mi Cai was implying something, so I cautiously asked, “Then did you admit it to him?”
“Why not admit it? …But later, we broke up.”
“And then you went to the U.S.!”
Mi Cai: “…”
“You don’t need to be speechless. That’s just how the timeline goes.”
“You really know how to avoid the main issue…”
“Do you think I’m clever?”
“Yes. If you’re so clever, why were you so serious just now asking me so many questions?”
“Even the cleverest fox can’t outwit a good hunter!”
This time, Mi Cai didn’t reply for a long time. Perhaps the above conversation wasn’t what she had hoped for.
But what exactly was she hoping for?
Could it be that one sentence: “Darling, let’s start over!”
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