I had just stepped into the elevator when Jianwei followed closely behind. I remained silent, enduring a tearing pain inside.
“Zhaoyang, I know this hurts your pride, but…”
I interrupted her, “But this pile of useless clay that can’t stand on its own simply lacks the ability to make money. That was true years ago, and it’s still true now.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself!”
“Isn’t that the truth?”
“No… I think you don’t know yet: the theme of ‘shattered life’ you proposed has officially been adopted into the planning. All current plans revolve around this theme!”
I furiously pressed the elevator buttons. As soon as the doors began to open, I rushed out. Recent events had left me unable to calmly listen to anyone.
Jianwei grabbed me again, almost in tears, saying, “Zhaoyang, please don’t act like this. I just want you to live better. I hate seeing you struggle so hard.”
My emotions churned, but I remained silent. Finally, I removed her hand and coldly told her, “If you truly wanted me to live better, three years ago you wouldn’t have just said ‘breakup’ without even giving a reason…”
…
Stepping out of the office building where Simi Advertising was located, I once again felt an emptiness of being utterly alone. At this moment, I didn’t know where else to go.
I couldn’t face returning to Xuzhou, because I was even more destitute than the last time I went home. I couldn’t rely on my parents to rescue my shattered life again.
Suzhou felt suffocating, every second unbearable. I longed to escape from here.
Beijing had Luoben and Leyao, but subconsciously, I wanted to find a place where no one knew me, to calm down properly.
Yet now, I couldn’t even afford a short trip. Once again, I was trapped in this cage of reality, feeling so oppressed I was going mad!
With nowhere else to go, I finally dialed Leyao’s number. She answered after a moment.
“Zhaoyang, why are you suddenly calling me?”
“…Lend me some money.”
“What! Didn’t you just become part of the bourgeoisie yesterday?”
“Do you know what I really am? I’m just a clown being played!”
“Who’s playing you?”
“If you don’t want to pour more salt on my wounds, please don’t ask, okay?”
Leyao was silent for a while before asking, “How much do you need?”
“Ten thousand.”
“That’s so little. What can you do with just that?”
“I want to start a journey by myself. Isn’t ten thousand enough? Then lend me twenty thousand.”
“Ten thousand is enough. Twenty might keep you away for a long time. Eventually, you’ll have to come back and live in the world you hate.”
I sighed and after a while said, “You’re right. Let’s stick with ten thousand.”
“Okay. Tell me where you’re going?”
“That’s not important.”
“But it is important to me!”
“Why?”
“I’m your creditor. I must know your whereabouts to prevent you from fleeing with the money!”
“What a ridiculous reason!”
Leyao’s tone was firm: “I don’t care. If you don’t tell me where you’re going, don’t expect me to lend you the money!”
“Threatening me is fun, huh?”
“Then I’ll hang up if you don’t tell me!”
“Damn it!” I complained out loud but thought about where I should go. Finally, I told Leyao, “Xitang. I’m going to spend a month in the ancient town of Xitang.”
“Why Xitang?”
Fragments of memory swirled in my mind, but I didn’t tell Leyao why I chose Xitang. I just said, “Don’t ask so many questions. If you’re not willing to lend, just hang up your phone.”
“Threatening me? Fine, I’ll lend. Hurry up and give me your bank account number. I’ll transfer the money right away.”
“Alright, thanks.”
After ending the call with Leyao, I sent her my bank account number via text message. Then I called my father and told him I was going to Guangzhou for a while and might change my phone number, promising to contact him later.
Then I decisively removed the SIM card from my phone, snapped it in two, and threw it into the trash bin. In an instant, my world became quiet.
…
I spent my last dozen hours in Suzhou visiting four places. First, I smoked two cigarettes by the moat. Then I found Xiaopangdun Weixiao and treated him to KFC. After that, I returned to the old house and sat alone for a while on the wooden horse in front of the convenience store. Finally, I arrived at the foot of Zhuomei’s building.
Around 6 p.m., I finally met Zhao Li after work and returned the key of the little Alto Prince car to him.
Zhao Li asked in confusion, “Zhaoyang, are you leaving Suzhou again?”
“Yeah, otherwise I wouldn’t give the car back to you so easily.”
“You almost drove it to pieces!”
“It’s just a bit dirty. Wash it and apply some wax, and it’ll look brand new!”
Zhao Li shook his head and smiled, “You’re still the same old con artist!”
“This time, I’m not conning you. I’ve already filled the tank with gas.”
“Really?”
“You’re welcome to check.”
“Alright, I’ll trust you this once.”
I smiled but instinctively looked up at the giant billboard on Zhuomei’s rooftop, feeling it was time to leave. I didn’t want to encounter Mi Cai after work with some lingering pain and embarrassment. At this moment, I felt we shouldn’t appear in each other’s worlds anymore, because my city in the sky had already collapsed, so I wouldn’t even fantasize about being with her.
…
I walked toward the back of Zhuomei’s building when, passing by “Seaview Coffee,” I unexpectedly saw Fangyuan and Mi Lan sitting by the window. Fangyuan spotted me first, while Mi Lan didn’t notice me because her back was to me.
Fangyuan gestured to Mi Lan to wait a moment, then came out of the coffee shop and met me.
He handed me a cigarette and asked with a smile, “You came to wait for CEO Mi to finish work?”
In the calmest tone I could muster, I replied, “No, we broke up.”
Fangyuan looked incredulous.
I smiled again and added, “Didn’t you always disapprove of us?”
“I didn’t expect it to happen so quickly!”
“We were destined to break up eventually. The reason it happened quickly is because of some external catalysts… Actually, I understood years ago: love without material support is ultimately just a pile of sand. The tighter you grasp it, the faster it slips away, and the more painfully it falls!”
Fangyuan sighed in silence.
I took a deep puff of the cigarette and glanced at Mi Lan sitting in the coffee shop, asking, “How come you’re hanging out with her for fun?”
“Just typical superior-subordinate relationship. We need to discuss some work stuff occasionally, and by the way, we can enjoy the coffee here.”
I had no desire to learn more about Zhuomei. I patted Fangyuan’s shoulder and said, “Well, I’m off.”
“Where are you going this time?”
“A place with memories, where I can rest my feet.”
“When will you come back?”
As I walked away, I told Fangyuan, “I’ll come back after I rebuild that city… If I can’t fix it, I won’t come back!”
“You’re still talking nonsense!”
I didn’t respond to Fangyuan anymore because he had never believed that there must be a city hidden in the sky somewhere in this world!
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