Seeing my expression was numb and I kept silent for a while, Mi Cai asked with concern, “Are you feeling unwell because you drank too much?”
“A little. I feel something stuck in my chest.”
“No wonder you haven’t said a word from just now. Don’t drink so much next time.”
I nodded without saying anything more. The matter of Xiang Chen setting up a counter at Zhuo Mei was thus dropped.
Back at the old house, I felt increasingly dizzy. I lay on the bed without washing up. Even with my eyes closed, I felt the whole room spinning. I felt uncomfortable until a coolness on my face made me feel better. I opened my eyes and saw Mi Cai wiping my face with a wet towel.
I grabbed her hand and said, “It’s getting late. You should go back and rest earlier.”
“You drank so much. Someone needs to take care of you. I will stay here tonight.”
“I’m fine. Please go back.”
“Zhao Yang, what’s wrong with you? You always wanted me to stay before. Now that we are together, why do you want to send me away?”
At that moment, I couldn’t think clearly. The alcohol seemed to have triggered my instinct not to bother her, and I vaguely urged her again, “Please go back and rest, okay? Before I met you, I lived like this every day, and I was doing just fine, right?”
Mi Cai didn’t speak. I turned over and lay with my back to her without speaking. I only felt a throbbing pain in my head, a dizziness, and then lost the ability to communicate, falling into a deep sleep.
…
During the night, my stomach began to churn violently. I stumbled to the bathroom and vomited violently, emptying myself completely. Then I felt completely drained, weak, and leaned against the toilet, sitting on the floor, staring blankly at the sink across from me.
Finally feeling thirsty, I went to the living room to pour myself a glass of water from the teapot, only to find it empty. I was too lazy to boil a pot and directly poured myself a glass of tap water and drank it all. The icy stimulation gradually sobered me up, and I began to recall some of the conversation I had with Mi Cai before I lost consciousness.
Under the influence of alcohol, people often express their innermost true thoughts through their words and actions. Therefore, I, who was not governed by consciousness, wanted Mi Cai to leave, unwilling to bother her. I forgot that she was now my girlfriend. In fact, the better she treated me and the more accommodating she was, the more uneasy I felt!
As my thoughts wandered, I recalled an afternoon many years ago when Jian Wei drove me around in her newly bought Cadillac. I felt oppressed. At that time, I had already allowed inferiority to take root in my heart. My failures over the years were like fertilizer continuously nourishing this small sprout, eventually growing into a towering tree that firmly controlled my values and views on love.
Feeling annoyed, I took a cigarette from the pack on the coffee table, lit it, took a tasteless puff, then tiredly lay on the sofa, habitually staring at the ceiling.
After finishing the cigarette, I returned to my room and noticed a thermos on the nightstand. It turned out that Mi Cai had already prepared hot water for me before she left, but I didn’t notice. Instead, I drank a glass of cold tap water in a daze. This was somewhat ironic.
Even when we were in a hostile state, she never ignored me. How could she just leave now that we were in a romantic relationship? At the very least, she would prepare a thermos of hot water for me after drinking, but I didn’t think of these things. Subconsciously, I only thought of her beauty, her status, her wealth, and I locked myself in a vicious cycle, reaching out to touch her with my hands while my heart struggled to escape.
Human nature is ultimately complicated. At that moment, I couldn’t quite understand myself, but I was indeed troubled by many negative emotions. I asked myself: what exactly triggered my emotions at this moment?
It seemed that after the initial excitement of being together faded, I gradually returned to rationality and inevitably began to measure this relationship using the gap in reality. In this process, I gradually realized that, having learned from past experiences, I had truly lost the courage born of ignorance.
In the following hours, I lay in bed thinking about how to improve myself, something I had to do, but I had no ideas at all. It wasn’t until the six o’clock bell at Gulou did I realize: no matter how good my entrepreneurial ideas were, without financial support, they were just daydreams. Therefore, those past few hours were just an idiot having an empty dream, making me even more disappointed and confused.
With no trace of sleepiness, I got up at seven o’clock, cooked porridge early, put it in a thermos, and bought some pastries that Mi Cai liked. Then I drove to the community where she was currently living.
Shortly after, I arrived at the destination, parked the car at the entrance of the community, and dialed Mi Cai’s phone. This time, she answered quickly. She yawned, clearly still sleepy, having been woken up by the ringing phone. I was somewhat surprised because she usually turned off her phone or set it to silent when resting.
I asked, “Haven’t you gotten up yet?”
“Uh-huh, why did you get up so early?”
“I couldn’t sleep, so I got up… Why didn’t you turn off your phone last night?”
“I was afraid you’d call me if you felt unwell!”
Mi Cai’s words made me feel guilty and moved. After a moment of silence, I said to her, “I made you worry… Oh, I bought you breakfast. I’m at the entrance of the community now. Tell me which building you live in, and I’ll bring it over.”
“Why did you buy me breakfast?”
“Just spoiling you.”
“Why do you want to spoil me?”
“Because you are my girlfriend!”
“You still remember that you have a girlfriend?”
Only then did I realize I had fallen into Mi Cai’s trap. She indeed cared about me asking her to leave last night. After another moment of silence, I said, “I just didn’t want to trouble you too much. Also, I tend to lose control after drinking, and I don’t want to ruin my heroic image in your mind.”
After my somewhat feeble explanation, Mi Cai didn’t dwell on last night’s incident anymore. After telling me which building she lived in, she ended the call.
…
Entering the community, after finding the building number Mi Cai mentioned, I discovered she didn’t live in an apartment but in a row of villas with an independent courtyard where her car was parked. In Suzhou, where land was as valuable as gold, the value of this small villa was almost unbearable for me to imagine.
Mi Cai opened the door wearing her cartoon print cotton pajamas. I followed her into the small villa and was immediately drawn to the carefully arranged courtyard. Looking at the flowing water and artificial hills, I felt as if I were in a small Jiangnan garden. I became even more curious why Mi Cai had given up such a good living environment to live in that old house.
As I walked, I couldn’t help but exclaim, “The environment here is really nice. It has a lot of style!”
Mi Cai smiled and replied, “This house was a birthday present from my uncle last year.”
Mi Cai’s answer made me even less able to understand her relationship with Mi Zhongde. Why would Mi Zhongde give her the best material things while pressuring her so much in business?
Thinking carefully, people are full of contradictions. Just like myself, I tried my best to be good to her but refused her kindness. In the end, Mi Zhongde’s contradictions stemmed from desire, while mine came from inferiority. I realized that whether it was Mi Zhongde’s desire or my inferiority, both had, to some extent, hurt Mi Cai.
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