I was stunned for a moment before hastily redialing CC’s number, only to hear the voice prompt indicating she was on another call. I couldn’t help but admire her efficiency while feeling anxious about what would happen once Mi Cai learned the truth. Things might not end in a touching moment at all, and instead, she might just care that I had deceived her again.
I waited restlessly for ten minutes before my phone rang again. I hurriedly answered, and it was CC calling once more. She must have already spoken with Mi Cai.
“Zhao Yang, I just called Mi’er.”
“Did you tell her everything?”
“I did. I told her you sold the guitar that Jian Wei gave you, and now Jian Wei wants it back from you.”
I was so exasperated I almost laughed. “…CC, by telling her like that, aren’t you making things between us seem like childish squabbling? This situation was never meant to be revealed!”
CC was equally annoyed. “You think acting like a child?…You traded a guitar Jian Wei gave you for another one, then gave that to Mi Cai. That’s not something an adult should do at all!”
“Alright, don’t say any more. In the end, it’s just because I don’t have enough money—I was trying so hard to keep up appearances, and ended up disappointing everyone!”
After I finished speaking, I felt even more troubled. At that moment, I realized more clearly than ever the sadness of lacking material foundations. If only I had had enough money back then to buy that Taylor guitar, there wouldn’t have been this string of misunderstandings today.
“Zhao Yang, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it like that.”
“No, I should be the one apologizing. You’ve always been the one painstakingly helping me deal with these things I can’t handle well… But CC, you should have seen through what this incident reflects by now, right?…No matter how beautiful and colorful a butterfly may be, not everyone has the ability to catch it. The reason I kept this from Mi Cai was because I didn’t want my original intention to become a burden. But now it seems, even the best intentions have become burdens!”
CC sighed. “Why can’t love just be simple? If you like someone, be together; if not, just say no. This constant hesitation and back-and-forth really wears people out!”
“Because we live in a complicated world, and love itself is something that drifts along with the tide—it’s just a byproduct of the times. Therefore, love today must be achieved through money… Don’t you think so?”
After a pause, CC said firmly, “I don’t believe that. There must be a love in this world that transcends everything else.”
“There is, there definitely is. But we no longer have the strength or time to pursue it. After thirty, both you and I will have to learn to compromise… Perhaps, I’ve already compromised now!”
My words seemed to touch a nerve in CC, and she fell silent… All these years she has kept on insisting, but one day, time will make her give up all her persistence and settle into the ordinariness of daily life.
Suddenly, CC said to me with a laugh, “Zhao Yang, it’s New Year’s Day today, can we please stop talking about such heavy topics? Besides, I called you to talk about Mi Cai and you, remember?”
“Okay, go ahead… I’m mentally prepared!”
“Actually, after I told her, she didn’t say anything. Instead, she kept asking me how I was doing in Beijing… Sometimes I really can’t figure out her personality—it’s sometimes simple, sometimes complex. Simple enough to be adorable, yet complex enough to be intimidating!”
“The simple one is her in everyday life, while the complex one is her in the workplace. What I fear most is her bringing that complex work persona into her personal life. Obviously, she’s not willing to deal with this matter with the simplicity of daily life.”
“So, what do you think she’s thinking now? Will she help you redeem the guitar from AJ?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then do you hope she redeems it?”
Without hesitation, I replied, “Of course not. If she redeems that guitar, then the one I gave her would just become something she gave to herself!”
“That’s true. You really like her, don’t you? That’s why you want to be the one to give her something that will accompany her for a long time.”
After a long silence, I said, “CC, it’s getting late. Hang up and get some rest. As for things between Mi Cai and me, let’s just let nature take its course. Neither of us can force the other. Perhaps our strong personalities are exactly why we’ve been unable to get closer.”
“Yeah, all I can do is build a bridge between you two. Whether or not you meet halfway on that bridge depends on whether you’re both willing to approach each other… Well, I’ll hang up now. You should get some sleep too.”
…
After ending the call with CC, I once again fell into the depth of the night, lost in confusion. After a while, I picked up my phone, hoping to distract myself.
I wasn’t sure exactly why I opened WeChat, but it turned out to be worthwhile because I discovered that Leyao, who was still in Lijiang, had just updated her Moments with photos from her trip there. The scenery in the pictures was beautiful, and so was she. I couldn’t help but give her a like.
Soon, Leyao replied with a message: “Zhao Yang, you liked my post! You’re still up?”
“Yeah, not sleeping yet.”
“So what are you doing?”
“Just drifting in the depth of the night…”
Leyao sent a smiling emoji: “What triggered your poetic side again? Even using a word like ‘depth’!”
“The night.”
This time Leyao sent a voice message: “Haha… You’re just lonely, Zhao Yang!”
“Well then, sing me a song called ‘The Land South of the Clouds’ to cheer me up, and I’ll reward you if you do it well!”
“Okay, here goes my humble attempt!” Leyao then sent another voice message, singing a short excerpt from the song “The Land South of the Clouds,” which is related to Lijiang.
“Not bad! Another like for you!”
“So that’s the reward you’re giving me for singing?!”
“That’s right. I’m not really sincere… But you, being such a thoughtful person, why not send me a red envelope for the New Year?”
I had only meant it as a joke, but she replied, “I’ve already prepared one for you. I’ll give it to you when I come back from Lijiang… By the way, aren’t you with Mi Cai? How come you’re feeling lonely?”
This was a question that touched a sore spot, so I replied emotionally, “Take back the like I just gave you!”
Leyao: “…”
After a while, she sent another message: “What happened between you two? Did you fight again?”
“This is complicated. I can’t really explain it to you now… Ah! Life is like a stubborn meatball—it’s just shamelessly tough!”
“Zhao Yang, you sure changed your tone quickly. Where did all that poetic sentiment go just now?”
“It’s pointless. Let’s not talk anymore. I need to keep drifting in the depth of the night, cutting through that stinky and tough meatball!”
Leyao didn’t stop the conversation and sent another message: “Why don’t you come to Lijiang too? The bars here are great, the scenery is beautiful, and there are even more pretty girls—you’ll definitely enjoy it!”
I was somewhat tempted by Leyao’s suggestion. Lighting a cigarette, I pondered whether I should go to Lijiang, when I received another WeChat message—but it wasn’t from Leyao.
“Zhao Yang, I’m going to Xuzhou tomorrow. Will you take me to play arcade games and eat di guo (a kind of Chinese casserole)?”
I blinked several times before confirming that it was indeed a message from Mi Cai. But was she really going to Xuzhou for arcade games and di guo, or was it for me?
That was a question worth deep contemplation in the depth of the night.
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