I put down the watering can in my hand, then sat on a small stool on the balcony. I fumbled in my pocket and pulled out a cigarette, putting it between my lips without lighting it, and stared at my phone screen waiting for a reply from Mi Cai.
“Oh, then after you finish watering, answer my question.”
Sure enough, I couldn’t get away with it. I pulled out my lighter, clicked it, and lit the cigarette between my fingers. Through the smoke, I squinted my eyes, scratched my head, and finally replied, “I don’t get it, what does her reliability have to do with you?”
“It doesn’t have anything to do with me, I just don’t want you to be lonely in Suzhou all by yourself.”
Mi Cai’s lofty reply made me scoff, and I immediately texted her back, “Who isn’t born lonely? The only ones always with us are the sun, the moon, and sometimes the wind, hot or cold!”
“What about those flowers and grasses? They’re keeping you company too!”
“No, those flowers and grasses are just a pretense to numb you, because one day they’ll wither, and in the end, you’ll still be alone and lonely!”
“Then how can one not be lonely?”
“Loneliness is man’s destiny.”
Mi Cai sent me a crying emoji: “…I don’t want to be lonely!”
“Haha… We’re born lonely!”
“Zhao Yang, stop saying that, it really feels lonely!”
“At least many people like you and care for you!”
“Is your loneliness lonelier than mine?”
“I don’t know, but I’ve been so lonely that once I slept alone under a bridge, listening to the roaring horns of passing ships, saying goodnight to a vast city beneath the stars and darkness all by myself!”
After sending that message, I took a deep drag of my cigarette and recalled those days in Shanghai when I had no money, waiting for Jian Wei, who was trapped by her family. I really did live under a bridge, hugging a guitar that echoed with loneliness.
So what is loneliness to me? It’s just a piece of code left behind after years of experience!
After a while, Mi Cai finally replied: “There will definitely be a woman who will always be with you, never letting you feel lonely again, and she herself won’t be lonely either.”
I stared at this message for a long time, my mind filled with countless dazzling scenes that emerged from being with this woman. So I wanted to ask Mi Cai: Are you that woman who will always be by my side?
But in the end, I just replied: “Tired, going to sleep!”
Mi Cai: “…”
After ending the WeChat conversation with Mi Cai, I lay on the bed, habitually lighting a cigarette, thinking. People are indeed lonely. For example, Jian Wei and I. After graduation, we tried so hard to be together, thinking we were no longer lonely, but in the end, we broke up, throwing loneliness to each other, yet unwilling to remember those days when we weren’t lonely.
Sigh! If life is so lonely, why stay in this world?
But then I understood. After all, there is only one city in the sky, how could it accommodate all the lonely people?
I thought of Mi Cai again. If she were by my side, could we comfort each other’s loneliness?
I think we could. Just thinking of her by my side, even if she said nothing and did nothing, my heart would still feel full, because her kindness and beauty had already turned into warmth, driving away all the loneliness.
…
Time moved forward another week. It was now only three days before New Year’s Eve. During this past week, loneliness had been my constant companion. Even Fang Yuan and Yan Yan had already returned to Fang Yuan’s hometown for the New Year. As for Mi Cai, she hadn’t contacted me again. To be precise, I had reached out to her, but she hadn’t replied, and of course, I didn’t bother her again.
Last night, after finishing my work, I had gone to the riverside with my loneliness, but I didn’t meet Jian Wei again. So she had already left Suzhou.
At this moment, Suzhou had become an empty city to me. In this empty city, there was a river full of loneliness. I threw myself into it, swimming from east to west, again and again, but there was not a single woman on the shore calling me, guiding me back to the bank…
It was already ten o’clock at night. After stepping out of the bar, I took a deep breath as usual, rubbed my slightly cold hands, then pulled out a cigarette, lit it for myself, and after finishing this cigarette, it would mean that today’s work was over.
I had only taken two puffs when suddenly my eyes were covered by a pair of warm hands, and then I heard that familiar voice: “Zhao Yang, guess who I am!”
“Don’t mess around…” I said, removing her hands.
Le Yao circled around to stand in front of me, smiling as she asked, “Surprised, Zhao Yang?”
I was certainly surprised, but I still kept calm and asked, “How come you’re back in Suzhou?”
“CC is with Rob, so I don’t want to disturb them. Besides, you’re busy with the bar until New Year’s Eve, so shouldn’t I come back to help?”
“Yeah, at least you still have some conscience!”
“This isn’t about conscience, it’s about missing you. As soon as the crew had their holiday, I flew back non-stop.” Le Yao said, pulling my arm, and she seemed to be in a much better mood than the last time she came back.
I put out the cigarette in my hand and also gently pushed away Le Yao’s hand that was holding onto my arm.
Le Yao didn’t mind and still asked me cheerfully, “Have you eaten?”
“Going back to cook noodles.”
“So pitiful!… You shouldn’t eat noodles anymore, let me treat you to a big meal!”
I smiled at Le Yao and said, “Now you really look like a nouveau riche!”
“I’m more than happy to treat you to a big meal, and I don’t mind showing off a bit like a nouveau riche.”
“Alright then, get your money ready, I want to eat duck necks.”
Le Yao said in disbelief, “Look at you, such low aspirations…”
…
On a park bench by the roadside, I was holding a bag of warm steamed buns, while Le Yao was holding the duck necks for me. We were sitting close to each other.
I took a bite of the steamed bun and then a bite of the duck neck, feeling that this was life, the life I had always hoped for. At least at this moment, I wasn’t lonely.
“Drink some tea, don’t choke.” Le Yao handed me her tea.
As I drank, I sighed, “This is really the life of an emperor being served by a big star!”
“I’m a female star, and I only admire you!”
“Damn… You’re teasing me! What’s there to admire in someone who finds joy in eating duck necks!”
“If you’re willing, I’d be happy to eat duck necks with you anytime!”
I opened the convenience bag and looked inside, there were only two duck necks left. I then joked with Le Yao, “There are only two left, if you’re willing to eat with me, I might not even want to give you one!”
Before I could finish, Le Yao quickly grabbed a duck neck from the bag, took a quick bite, and then looked at me proudly.
Immediately, I took out my phone from my pocket and took a photo of Le Yao holding the duck neck with her greasy hands, then asked her, “Do you care about your idol image?”
Le Yao nodded and said, “Of course I do, I’m both an idol and a singer with real talent!”
I showed her the photo I had taken and laughed, “With your idol image, if I sell this photo to some entertainment magazine in the future, I’m sure to make a fortune!”
“Please, your threat skills are getting worse and worse!”
Le Yao said, then used her duck-neck-holding hand to hug my shoulder and took a selfie with me, then prepared to post it on her Weibo.
I quickly stopped her, “Don’t do it, the entertainment circle is a mess, I don’t want any rumors about me and you.”
“Then do you still think that photo you just took can threaten me?”
I quickly shook my head, “No, the competition between us is not even on the same level. Have you been drinking a lot of Brain Gold supplements lately?”
Le Yao paused, then understood, and rubbed her greasy hand on my face, saying, “Zhao Yang, you’re really mean!”
I dodged while seriously scolding her, “Don’t mess around, or I’ll really do you!”
“Do it, do it…”
While we were joking around, my phone WeChat notification rang again. I knew it must be Mi Cai, who hadn’t contacted me for several days, because only her messages had a ringtone alert set for them!
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