Although each woman present was beautiful, this did not necessarily correlate with singing together, and it seemed awkward to sing with anyone. I decided it was better to sing alone.
So I said to Yan Yan, who was acting as the host: “You know I’m used to being solitary, so let me sing solo.”
Yan Yan joked, “You’re afraid others will steal your spotlight, right?”
I smiled and replied seriously, “This song suits solo performance. I really like it. Give me a chance to perform it, okay?”
Yan Yan finally stopped insisting, and the other women also appeared quite calm, showing little interest in the so-called choral performance. This was understandable, after all, I didn’t have Luo Ben’s musical talent or Wei Ran’s shining aura. Thus, choosing to sing solo seemed very wise, although a bit lonely, it was fine—I certainly didn’t care about collaborating with any of them.
I went to the center of the small stage and summoned Luo Ben, because the song I was about to sing had very dense drum beats, and he was the best at handling the drums live. Additionally, the heavy bass line ran throughout the entire song, so CC would handle the bass part. However, the piano section at the end of the song lacked a performer, since Xiao Wu and the band members had left to perform at a bar after delivering the music equipment.
I announced to everyone, “Next, I will sing Radiohead’s ‘Creep.’ There’s a short piano section at the end. Who can help out with that?”
Wei Ran responded, “This song is pretty good. I can play the piano part.”
I had no objections to Wei Ran’s spontaneous offer, although I didn’t particularly like him. Music should transcend personal feelings; bringing personal emotions into music is a desecration of it.
Just as I was about to nod and invite Wei Ran, Mi Cai suddenly said to him, “Abner, can you let me take this opportunity? I also really like this song and have always wanted to perform it live.”
Wei Ran seemed to follow Mi Cai’s instructions willingly and immediately gave up the chance. Thus, Mi Cai sat down at the piano under everyone’s watchful eyes.
After CC, Luo Ben, and Mi Cai each signaled that they were ready, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, hoping this song would be perfectly performed. I was confident because Luo Ben and I had collaborated countless times, and the piano part Mi Cai was responsible for was only a short segment, which should be manageable.
I nodded to the three of them, and Luo Ben started playing the drums. I and CC began playing the guitar and bass respectively, and the heavy metal music immediately filled the venue.
I didn’t imitate Radiohead’s singing style. My voice alternated between high-pitched and low, and the rhythm varied between fast and slow. Fortunately, CC and Luo Ben were both experienced live performers. Although we hadn’t rehearsed beforehand, they still perfectly matched my singing rhythm.
“But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo.” When I sang these lyrics, my guitar began to roar, Luo Ben added denser and heavier drumbeats, and CC’s fingers, equipped with picks, began pulling the thick bass strings, producing heavy electric sounds.
In the tearing sounds, I judged myself, because I was exactly the coward and the weirdo described in the lyrics—cowardly enough to give up trying to break free from reality’s shackles, and strange enough to even disgust myself.
“I want to have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I’m not around…”
When I sang this part, my voice suddenly dropped—it was soft yet deep, filled with desperate begging.
Yes! I had grown tired of my current life. I wanted a perfect soul, a perfect body, that crystalline city, and… that long-haired woman, even if she merely glanced back at me once—just once would satisfy me! But…
“She’s running out again. She’s running out. She’s run run run running out…”
The song reached its climax, accompanied by the heaviest drumbeats. Screaming, I felt as if I had fallen into the scene of the song, seeing her running away from me, and I desperately chased after her, asking what she wanted, but she was so maddeningly unique, silently leaving me further and further behind…
Finally, Mi Cai began pressing the electric piano keys. The urgent piano notes immediately sounded, gradually becoming more soothing until they ended… slowly fading into calmness!
I kept my eyes closed, my fingers still tightly gripping the guitar strings. It had been a long time since I last felt so emotionally stirred while singing. I needed to calm down, without reflecting, because this song had already been perfectly performed!
There was no applause from the audience. Many people looked at me like I was a lunatic. I knew my screaming and strange singing style had frightened them, and they couldn’t understand this interpretation.
Yes, I was indeed a weirdo, which was why I loved this grunge rock. After struggling through that gray period, I had long stopped craving others’ understanding.
Luo Ben and CC simultaneously gave me thumbs up, praising my reinterpretation of the song, while Mi Cai remained silent with her head lowered. Then I was pushed off the stage by the surrounding audience.
I handed the stage back to CC and pushed through the crowd, planning to go outside for some fresh night air and to smoke a cigarette.
In the crowd, a man patted my shoulder with a kind smile and said, “Your version of ‘Creep’ is the best I’ve ever heard. You sang out the soul of this song. That was great!”
I smiled back at him, feeling slightly relieved. Even if the whole world thought I was dirty, there would always be a few people who could discover the shining spots in me. Therefore, I had never lived for this world, but rather for that small group of people who understood me.
…
After leaving the mall, the giant neon sign of Zhuo Mei still emitted dazzling lights. The air smelled damp, as if it had just rained lightly.
I lit a cigarette for myself in the cold wind, enjoying the tranquility of being alone. However, I couldn’t indulge in it for long. After finishing this cigarette, I should return to the event site, end this impromptu small concert, and then treat everyone to dinner.
I didn’t notice when Mi Cai quietly stood beside me. She said, “You really are a weirdo. Even though you organized this concert, you left several times in the middle!”
“You came out too!”
“It’s stuffy inside the mall. Maybe others will come out later too!”
Suddenly interested, I said, “Let’s make a bet then. Let’s guess who comes out next.”
“What do we bet?”
“Just a small bet to keep it fun. You decide what the bet is!”
Mi Cai thought for a moment and said, “Okay… If I guess correctly, you have to go back and sing a more normal, cheerful song. Is that okay?”
“Are you criticizing my previous song?”
Mi Cai shook her head and said, “No, you sang very well… But I don’t want you to live like the person in the song. Just now, I was immersed in your singing and felt very sad…”
I was silent for a moment before saying, “Okay, if I lose, I’ll go back and sing a normal song. But what if you lose?”
“I’ll treat everyone to dinner tonight.”
I quickly calculated the odds—it was a win-win situation. If I lost, I only had to sing a normal song. If I won, I could save the cost of a dinner, probably over a thousand yuan. I quickly agreed.
So we each picked three names. Mi Cai chose: CC, Leyao, and Jianwei. I guessed: Fangyuan, Luoben, and Weiran. As for Yan Yan, she had to act as the host and control the scene, so she definitely wouldn’t leave temporarily.
I felt confident about my chances because one of my guesses was Weiran, who would definitely come out looking for Mi Cai if he couldn’t find her.
I lit another cigarette, unable to help but admire my own perceptiveness. Then I turned around with Mi Cai, facing the exit, eagerly waiting for the result.
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