Selfishness, these three words are far more shocking than any lengthy discourse.
Princess Ningde and Xie Xian knew their son well. Since childhood, he had been meticulous, precise in everything he did. Otherwise, the emperor would never have entrusted a unit of the imperial guards to a boy not yet of age. And indeed, he lived up to expectations, handling affairs with fairness and impartiality.
But now, a man who had never favored anyone suddenly returned, saying he had developed selfishness.
Life is long, and one meets many people. Most are merely passing strangers, insignificant. Yet there are always a few who are different.
When someone suddenly starts to violate their usual principles, it means they have encountered someone special enough to change their life.
If that person is positive, he will grow rapidly and become an even better person.
But if that person is negative, it could ruin his entire life.
In the corner of the room, a copper incense burner shaped like a crane holding a lingzhi mushroom gently released a fragrant haze, mingling with the moisture rising from the courtyard pond, naturally calming the heart.
Princess Ningde leaned slightly against a couch, her eyes filled with emotion as she looked at her son.
“There are many kinds of selfishness—hatred, sympathy, compassion…”
Xie Yu said calmly, “She needs neither my sympathy nor my pity.”
She is an exceptionally brave girl, like a small flower striving to bloom in a barren desert. One can marvel at her beauty or praise her resilience, but certainly not look down on her with condescension.
Perhaps he himself hadn’t noticed that when he said those words, even the corners of his eyes and eyebrows had softened.
Seeing this, Princess Ningde sighed slightly, “A person’s heart is limited. If it carries too much hatred, there may be little room left for love.”
Joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness—all emotions will be smoothed by time. But two remain etched in memory no matter how many years pass—love and hatred.
She had seen that little girl once. She was very special, like a poplar sapling suddenly sprouting in a greenhouse. Even among the refined daughters of the capital, she stood out unmistakably.
For such a girl to suddenly appear in a place as foreign to her as the capital, it was certainly not to express love.
Xie Xian glanced at her, as if wanting to say something, but eventually remained silent.
That would have been too cruel.
But… enduring long-term pain is better than short-term agony.
Because a person cannot live a lifetime based on a fleeting impulse. To walk a smooth path, you must clearly understand what you will face from the beginning.
No matter how intense the initial emotions and love may be, they will gradually be worn away by endless trials.
Xie Yu remained silent for a long time.
Princess Ningde and Xie Xian did not urge him.
The servants outside stood quietly, as if even their breathing had ceased.
Inside the side room, the sound of dripping water from a lotus-shaped clepsydra suddenly became distinct—”Drip… drip…”—each drop striking the heart with tension.
From beyond the wall, the sounds of wedding music and joyful cheers drifted in from somewhere on the street, scattered by the wind, swirling over the palace walls and into the royal household.
After a long while, the lotus flower inside the clepsydra slightly trembled. From its half-open bud, another petal slowly unfurled.
“If it’s like that, then I will do my best to help her eliminate her hatred,” Xie Yu said softly, gazing at the pear beside him.
Not to forget, not to give up—but to eliminate.
Xie Xian finally couldn’t help but say, “You Qing, you will suffer.”
Princess Ningde had difficulty conceiving, and for many years, she and Xie Xian had only one child—Xie Yu. Truly cherished like a treasure.
But infants are fragile. Thus, they gave their son the unattractive and unrefined childhood name “You Qing,” hoping to deceive fate, making gods and spirits think the child was imperfect and therefore not worth taking.
And that hope indeed worked.
For over a decade, Xie Yu grew up healthy and safe.
But now, this child wanted to willingly invite hardship. Xie Xian felt both the joy of a parent seeing his child grow, and the pain of a father unwilling to see his son suffer.
Yet after speaking, Xie Yu seemed lighter.
After so many years, he suddenly realized that perhaps a momentary impulse wasn’t entirely bad. Occasionally indulging in a whim could actually help him strengthen his resolve.
A gentleman’s word is binding even for galloping horses. Once spoken, there can be no turning back.
“Because if a hatred is worth someone enduring hardship for so many years, sacrificing much happiness they should have had, then surely it must be deeply painful. If that’s the case, who are outsiders to tell her to let it go?” Xie Yu said softly.
You can never fully understand the pain others have endured, so you have no right to help them forgive.
Every grievance has its source, every debt its collector. Those who have done wrong must eventually pay the price.
He was an officer of the Kaifeng Prefecture, naturally responsible for seeking justice for the victims.
Both for fairness and for personal reasons.
Princess Ningde looked at Xie Yu anew. Scenes from the past many years flashed through her mind, eventually converging into the person before her.
Still underage, he clearly bore a mix of youthful and young-adult immaturity. In terms of worldly experience, he certainly couldn’t match veteran officials who had maneuvered in politics for decades.
Yet his heart had matured. Without needing anyone’s guidance, he already knew what he wanted and what he must do.
Unknowingly, the child had truly grown up.
Thinking this, Princess Ningde couldn’t help raising her hand to touch her cheek.
Sigh, time spares no one.
As parents, they naturally hoped their child would become independent as soon as possible. Yet when that day really arrived, they couldn’t help feeling a sense of loss.
Beside her, Xie Xian gently took her hand and smiled, “We’ll grow old together, and then we won’t be afraid anymore.”
He didn’t say something false like “Princess, may your youth last forever,” yet precisely because of this truthfulness, it brought the most comfort.
Xie Yu looked at his parents, and that unfamiliar yet sweet emotion swept over him again.
Since childhood, he had seen too much deceit and betrayal, marriages in name only. Yet he had the fortune to be born to such parents, whose pure and passionate love stirred his instinctive longing.
He had told his parents before that unless he truly met a woman he cherished, he would never marry.
Outsiders always thought it was just childish talk, and even his maternal uncle hadn’t taken it seriously, dismissing it with a laugh.
But Princess Ningde and Xie Xian took it very seriously. They even personally went to the palace to request an imperial decree allowing Xie Yu to choose his own spouse.
At that time, Princess Ningde had said to the father and son, “With our current honor and status, what need is there for noble families or advantageous marriages? What’s the point of forming alliances with powerful relatives? Are we plotting rebellion?”
Rather than making everyone inside and outside the palace unhappy, it would be better to fulfill their son’s wish and let him live fully and freely, making the most of his life.
“Alright,” Princess Ningde took her consort’s hand, unashamedly in front of her son, “if you want to know, I can tell you something.”
“Something?” Xie Yu was puzzled.
If she was going to speak, why hold back?
Princess Ningde smiled without answering. Xie Xian chuckled and continued, “Since you claim to be an adult, you should contribute a little effort. Your mother and I will give you a start, and the rest you can investigate yourself.”
Xie Yu: “…”
Are you really my father?
Princess Ningde patted her consort’s hand and gestured vaguely toward her son’s chest, “Because everyone has their own selfish motives. Once words pass through another’s lips, they cease to be the truth. Moreover… from my position, certain matters simply aren’t appropriate to voice aloud.”
Not appropriate to say aloud…
Xie Yu’s heart quickened. Could this involve a royal secret?
Princess Ningde didn’t explain further, merely saying with a distant look, “During the reign of the late emperor, the empire was in chaos, with constant border wars. If you ask about major events, there were five or seven each year. But if you specifically ask about Liangzhou, there was only one major event during that period that could be called earth-shattering.”
Her gaze gradually became distant, passing beyond the curtains, flying over the walls, as if penetrating the invisible void, gazing toward a distant past.
“Back then, when Fufeng fell, General Yan Xiong was ordered to recapture the city, achieving instant fame and being enfeoffed as the Marquis of Wuwei. Later, the Marquis of Wuwei pushed the front northward and guarded Liangzhou for nine years.
In the 21st year of Tianwu, the Yuezhi from the north invaded the border. The Marquis of Wuwei led resistance, repelling them several times, shocking the court and the people, who built shrines in his honor…
In the 24th year of Tianwu, the new Chanyu of the Yuezhi allied with eight tribes and launched a massive attack. The Marquis of Wuwei fought fiercely for two or three years, but due to heavy casualties from fighting on multiple fronts, he had to request reinforcements from the court…”
At this point, Princess Ningde suddenly stopped.
Xie Yu couldn’t help but ask, “What happened next?”
Xie Xian continued, “Unfortunately, the reinforcements were delayed. Not only that, but the military funds and supplies that should have been sent were repeatedly postponed…”
At that time, there was another army closest to Liangzhou—the general was Pei Rong.
He had repeatedly sent urgent requests for support, but the court ignored them time and again, until finally explicitly forbidding any action.
Later, the court was in chaos. Other generals felt the threat of being next and submitted memorials urging action.
When Pei Rong finally received orders to head to Liangzhou, although mentally prepared, he was still shocked by what he saw:
Everyone had assumed Liangzhou would surely fall, as the Yan family’s army was far inferior in numbers and supplies to the well-prepared enemy. Yet they paid an almost total sacrifice and still held the city.
Xie Xian spoke briefly, but in Xie Yu’s heart, waves surged, leaving him restless and unable to calm down.
No wonder those years’ records and related documents couldn’t be found in the annals. This battle was not a natural disaster, but a man-made catastrophe!
But why?
Knowing the Yan family’s desperate situation, why did the court delay sending reinforcements, even delaying military funds and supplies?
Xie Xian patted his shoulder meaningfully, “The rest, you’ll have to investigate yourself.”
Perhaps the truth will overturn everything you’ve believed until now. But… isn’t that exactly what growing up, what becoming an adult, is all about?
The next day, when Xie Yu left home, his mind was full of the story he had heard the previous day.
He hadn’t slept all night, thinking deeply, but also raising even more questions.
The events of those years were clearly not as simple as he had imagined. But… so what?
“Hey, Xie Zizhi!” As Xie Yu was lost in thought, a loud, rough voice suddenly exploded from behind him. Then, a man and horse thundered toward him, and a large palm like a fan slapped hard on his shoulder.
As soon as he heard the voice, Xie Yu already knew who it was.
“General Pei.”
Pei Rong was now the commander of the palace guards, but he was quite dissatisfied with this position. He had repeatedly requested to be stationed at the border, but his requests were always denied.
Privately, those who knew him still called him General Pei, a title he loved most.
Seeing the bloodshot eyes and unshaven face, Pei Rong grinned broadly, winking and nudging him, “Hey, what were you up to last night? Didn’t even sleep?”
Veteran soldiers were great in many ways, but one drawback was their blunt, unfiltered speech, which often left others helpless.
Xie Yu helplessly replied, “General, please mind your words. I’m not married yet, so how could I possibly ‘be up to something’?”
Pei Rong laughed heartily, “You’re no spring chicken anymore. It’s time you got married. When I was your age, my eldest son could already handle a bow!”
Xie Yu chuckled, bowing respectfully, “General, your might is admirable. I’m truly in awe.”
Satisfied with his own words, Pei Rong suddenly slapped his forehead, “Oh right, almost forgot the main thing.”
At the mention of “main thing,” Xie Yu also stopped smiling, becoming serious, “Please, General, speak.”
“Hehe,” Pei Rong rubbed his big hands together, lowering his still-loud voice to a conspiratorial whisper, “It’s about that Ma girl from your Kaifeng Prefecture. How old is she? Is she already betrothed?”
It was rare to find a suitable girl stepping out from among children. It would be a shame not to match them quickly.
Xie Yu raised his eyebrows slightly, “General, please don’t bring this up again.”
“Why not?” Pei Rong’s furry old face showed pure confusion.
Why shouldn’t I bring it up!
Suddenly, Xie Yu lightly laughed. He nudged his horse with both legs and, leaving behind a sentence, galloped away.
“Because, I’m a man too.”
Pei Rong was left speechless, muttering to himself, “What kind of talk is that? What does whether you’re a man or not have to do with me… Oh!”
Suddenly, he understood. Slapping his thigh hard, he groaned in frustration, “Too late!”
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