Chapter 46:

The crescent moon shifted westward, and the night deepened. A gentle, moist sea breeze blew across the waves, rippling the surface and scattering the reflection of the stars. Leaning against the railing for a brief rest, one could hear the rhythmic sound of the waves.

Perhaps it was because the snow crab she had eaten was more potent than expected—stronger than the wine from Yongxue City. Even the sea breeze couldn’t cool the heat on her face, instead making her feel even more drowsy. Mu Xuanling leaned over the railing, peering into the dark sea. Unknown fish, drawn by the light, leaped around the floating cloud vessel, occasionally breaking the surface and leaving behind beautiful silver trails.

—How beautiful…

—They look so happy…

—I wonder how they taste…

—Could this all be an illusion?

—Maybe the real thing is hideous, and only the false appears beautiful…

—I really want to jump in and play…

—I guess I don’t know how to swim…

Her thoughts drifted aimlessly under the influence of alcohol, and she failed to notice footsteps approaching from behind until someone stood beside her and softly whispered into her ear.

“Xuanling.” Only then did she slowly turn her head, tilting it to look at the figure beside her.

“Nan Gongzi?” Her voice was soft and hoarse from the alcohol, her face flushed and her eyes hazy. Her usual cleverness was gone, replaced by a kind of endearing innocence. “What are you doing here?”

Nan Xuyue replied gently, “I knocked on your door but got no response, so I thought you might be out here taking in the night air.”

“Mm,” Mu Xuanling hummed, then turned her gaze back to the fish. “Nan Gongzi, can you swim?”

Nan Xuyue followed her gaze to the shimmering sea and smiled. “No, I can’t.”

“So there are things you can’t do either,” she said with a silly grin, then frowned in frustration. “Oops, I forgot your leg was injured.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Nan Xuyue said with a dismissive smile. “I’m just an ordinary person, after all. There are many things I can’t do.”

“You’re not ordinary at all,” she insisted, counting his virtues on her fingers. “You’ve read so many books, you’re unmatched in formations and mechanisms, you’re skilled in music, chess, calligraphy, and painting, and you’re always so kind and gentle to everyone—even a Treasure-sniffing rat gets your attention. You were just… betrayed by a bad person, and your spiritual meridians were destroyed.” Suddenly, she paused, raising her hand to touch her forehead. “I have a spiritual meridian… Right! The Jade Gate Sutra can restore it!” Her eyes sparkled with excitement. “Nan Xuyue, I’ll transmit my cultivation to you. If you learn the Jade Gate Sutra, maybe you can restore your meridians too!”

Nan Xuyue was taken aback, then chuckled. “You’re really drunk. Do you even know what you’re saying?”

“I do know,” she said. “If you recover your meridians, you won’t be any worse than Xie Xuechen.” She grew excited, grabbing Nan Xuyue’s sleeve. “Please try it?”

“Transmitting cultivation means exposing everything about yourself to another person. It’s something only master and disciple, husband and wife, or parent and child would do,” Nan Xuyue said with a smile. “Xuanling, what am I to you?”

She hesitated but didn’t answer. Instead, she said, “But Master Xie transmitted his to me too…”

It felt like an answer was floating just beneath the water’s surface, ready to surface.

Nan Xuyue reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, his cool fingertips brushing against her sensitive earlobe. Her ear twitched like a startled animal, turning a faint pink.

“I know you’re drunk, but I still can’t help wanting to hear false comfort from your lips,” he murmured, leaning closer. He inhaled the fragrance on her body—three parts wine, three parts floral, blending into a sweet, intoxicating aroma. “If there were no Xie Xuechen, you would fall for me, wouldn’t you?”

She furrowed her delicate brows, her hazy eyes glistening with moisture, as though the stars themselves had been crushed into her gaze. She looked at Nan Xuyue through a veil of confusion.

“What does Master Xie have to do with it?” she asked, puzzled.

“Right, nothing to do with him…” He chuckled softly, then sighed. “Xuanling, you’re just too tempting to resist.”

“You wouldn’t bully anyone,” she said, unconvinced. “You’re a good person.”

“If you don’t like it, I can be bad too,” he said with a self-mocking smile. His handsome features were shadowed with sorrow. He was so close to her now that their scents mingled—his clean wood fragrance and her sweet, youthful scent. He gazed at the jade pendant at her neck, his voice low and husky with restraint. “He’s not right for you. Only I truly understand you.”

“We’ve both been abandoned by the world. We’ve seen the darkest nights, walked the longest roads, and in our most painful, desperate moments, a single smile could save us. I understand how you cherish every life that has ever brought you warmth, because I do too.”

“But you’re kinder than me. You repay every kindness with your life, even if you don’t love the person. But I can’t…”

“I would give everything for you, but only for you…”

He knew he wasn’t truly gentle—he wore kindness as a mask to hide his coldness. His politeness and warmth were cultivated traits, but the only person he truly wanted to give everything to was her.

Mu Xuanling stared at Nan Xuyue’s handsome face, so close that his eyes, filled with hidden sorrow, seemed to hold the entire night. He lowered his head, and the moonlight didn’t reach his eyes—only she was reflected there.

“Nan Xuyue…” she murmured, frowning slightly, not pulling away as his warm hand brushed her cheek.

His fingers traced her soft skin as his face drew closer, his voice low and husky in her ear. “Xuanling, you once promised to give me just a little of your affection.” He gently cupped her chin, his voice coaxing. “Can I have a little more?”

Can I?

Mu Xuanling’s mind drifted.

It felt like a hollow space had opened in her chest, as though she once had so much love, but it had vanished. Where had it gone?

She furrowed her brow in confusion, forgetting to answer, as if silently agreeing to his closeness. Nan Xuyue was about to kiss her when suddenly, a powerful force yanked her away.

Mu Xuanling stumbled into a broad chest, her waist caught in a firm grip. She blinked, dazed, then glared at Xie Xuechen. “What are you doing!”

Nan Xuyue slowly turned to face Xie Xuechen, smiling faintly, but his eyes were cold and devoid of warmth.

“The Red Thread of Fate,” Nan Xuyue said, looking at the matching red cords around their wrists. “Xuanling is not a prisoner.”

Xie Xuechen glared back. “I never treated her as one.”

Mu Xuanling flushed with anger, pounding on his chest. “Liar! You’re treating me like a dog on a leash!”

Xie Xuechen sighed, catching her flailing hands and softening his tone. “You’re drunk. Let’s talk when you’re sober.”

Nan Xuyue stepped forward. “She doesn’t want to go with you.”

Xie Xuechen said coldly, “Nan Zhuangzhu, given what you just did, you have no right to say that.”

Mu Xuanling, unable to break free from Xie Xuechen, reached for Nan Xuyue. “Nan Xuyue, help me!”

Xie Xuechen’s heart clenched, a bitter taste rising in his throat.

Nan Xuyue said firmly, “She doesn’t want to go with you.”

“She’s been poisoned by the Heart-Understanding Grass,” Xie Xuechen replied.

“What?” Nan Xuyue was startled. “But the symptoms don’t match.”

“I don’t know what Sang Qi did, but Xuanxin confirmed it,” Xie Xuechen said. “We came to Luowu Mountain to retrieve the antidote—lotus seeds from the Immortal Lotus.”

Mu Xuanling stopped struggling and looked up at Xie Xuechen, dazed. “You said I was poisoned?”

Xie Xuechen looked down at her, his voice gentle. “Yes. The Lotus Seed of Suffering was prepared for you.”

Her face paled, and she struggled harder. “You’re lying! I won’t eat that!”

The Lotus Seed of Suffering—how could it be for her?

Nan Xuyue’s expression darkened, uncertain. Xie Xuechen continued, “If the poison isn’t treated, it will endanger her life. I will administer the antidote and protect her heart. Nan Zhuangzhu, if you truly care for her, you know what choice to make.”

In the end, Nan Xuyue gave up.

If she recovered, she would only have eyes for Xie Xuechen.

But if she didn’t take the antidote, her life would be in danger…

He would rather see her alive, even if he had to wait…

Xie Xuechen carried Mu Xuanling back to her room, her arms and legs thrashing weakly. The door closed behind them, and a barrier formed.

He placed the half-drunk girl on a soft bed, surrounded by silk pillows and blankets, then sat beside her, blocking her escape.

She struggled with all her might, but Xie Xuechen didn’t use his spiritual energy to protect himself, fearing it might hurt her. He endured her attacks. A drunk and angry person had no control, and every punch was full-force against his chest and abdomen. His brows furrowed, and a trickle of blood seeped from his lips, staining the pale pink.

She paused, stunned. “Why didn’t you dodge?”

“What do you think…” Xie Xuechen gave a bitter smile. “You’re too smart not to understand.”

“What am I supposed to understand?” Her mind buzzed with confusion.

“The Red Thread of Fate is the thread of love,” he said, gripping her hand. His long fingers intertwined with hers, his voice deep and hoarse in her ear. “Holding your hand means I wish to grow old with you.”

She froze, feeling the warmth spreading from their hands. Her voice was dazed. “You really… like me?”

“Like is too light a word,” Xie Xuechen sighed. He pulled her close, his phoenix eyes gazing into her bewildered ones.

“Is it love?” she asked.

His eyes softened with deep emotion. “It’s love—the kind that makes you jealous, insecure, and helpless.”

She had never imagined he would say such things. Her heart raced, her breath quickened. She lowered her eyes, gripping the bedcovers tightly.

“I know you can’t respond to me now because of the Heart-Understanding Grass. I brought the Lotus Seed to save your life, but also out of selfishness.” He kissed the tear mark at the corner of her eye. “I hope you can fall in love with me again.”

The tickle at the corner of her eye made her blink, her lashes glistening with tears, dark and thick like butterfly wings.

“What if I’m still not in love with you after taking the Lotus Seed?” she asked hesitantly.

Xie Xuechen’s heart tightened, but he smiled bitterly. “Then I still won’t let go.”

The red Lotus Seed floated in the air, exuding a slightly bitter fragrance. Mu Xuanling hesitated, thinking of its bitter nature, and shivered involuntarily.

Xie Xuechen placed a firm hand on her back, his voice gentle yet resolute. “I’ll endure it with you. Xuanling… I’ll always be by your side.”

He took the Lotus Seed into his mouth. The bitterness was more intense than any wine, instantly flooding his mouth and heart. Without a sound, he leaned in and kissed her soft, full lips. His tongue forced its way into her mouth, transferring the seed.

Her body jolted, instinctively trying to spit it out, but he held her lips shut. His tongue danced against hers, wet and tender, a trace of blood’s metallic taste entering her mouth. He lightly pressed a point on her chin, and she involuntarily swallowed. The seed slid down her throat, and a sharp pain pierced her heart.

What is the Suffering of All Beings?

It is parting from loved ones.

It is meeting those you hate.

It is the burning of the five aggregates.

It is longing and loss.

Compared to the bitterness of the heart, what is the bitterness of the tongue?

Mu Xuanling’s heart throbbed painfully, as if pierced repeatedly by the sharpest blade, twisted cruelly. This was the pain of losing someone dear, of betrayal and abandonment. It was the pain of watching Xie Xuechen die in her arms, his body cold, her soul shattered.

Tears streamed down her face, soaking her hair and pillow. She sobbed uncontrollably. Xie Xuechen held her tightly, pouring his spiritual energy into her body, wrapping around her heart, protecting her life.

The Suffering of All Beings spread through her chest, layer upon layer of pain crashing against her heart, clashing with the Heart-Understanding Grass’s poison. These two forces battled in her fragile heart, each heartbeat a soul-deep pain, making her sweat and tremble.

Her face turned pale, and she whimpered, biting down hard on Xie Xuechen’s left shoulder. He didn’t resist, fearing she might hurt herself. The metallic taste of blood filled her mouth, and her tears burned against his skin.

“Xuanling, Xuanling…” His hoarse voice called her name.

Memories slowly surfaced, the colorless past regaining its hues. She remembered the first flutter of love when they met, the joy of reunion, the pain of losing him, the sorrow of rejection…

“Xie Xuechen…” she whispered weakly.

Xie Xuechen trembled, his hand caressing her tear-stained face. “Xuanling, do you remember now?”

She threw her arms around his neck, clinging to him like a drowning person grasping a lifeline, sobbing uncontrollably.

She remembered everything—the Mind-Washing Water forced down her throat by Sang Qi, the cruel words she had spoken to Xie Xuechen, the cold, final things she had done.

The emptiness in her heart slowly filled with emotions—joy and sorrow, all because of him. The pain eased, replaced by a tingling fullness. Bitterness gave way to sweetness, a love that saw through the world yet remained.

She tightened her arms around him, her tears soaking his collar, her thin back trembling with uncontrollable sobs. Xie Xuechen stroked her back with one hand, the other continuously channeling energy to protect her heart and clear her meridians.

“Xuanling, does it still hurt?” His voice was hoarse with tenderness, his lips brushing her sweat-dampened temple.

Her heartbeat finally steadied, but the tears wouldn’t stop.

“I’m sorry…” Her voice was hoarse with crying. “I hurt you so many times…”

He held her tightly, his voice cool but heavy with emotion. “You know, it’s not an apology I want to hear.”

She lifted her face from his neck, her beautiful eyes red and swollen, the tear mark at the corner of her eye gone. He exhaled in relief, then saw her raise her face and gently kiss his lips.

“Xie Xuechen, I love you.”

I have loved you since seven years ago.

He cupped the back of her head, deepening the kiss.

The greatest fortune in life is to regain what was lost.