The Princess of Jing’an saw a fat pig weighing at least three hundred catties tumble out from a luxurious carriage, howling as if eighteen generations of its ancestors had died. It rolled all the way to the carriage where the Crown Prince had not been riding, and poor Jiang Ni, with no choice, lifted the curtain and timidly said that the young master wasn’t in this carriage.
The pig’s powerful wails barely paused for a moment before resuming with piercing intensity. It rolled and crawled toward the following carriage, not minding the expensive brocade clothes it ruined by contact with the mud. With a sudden thud, it dropped to its knees on the road, instantly creating two dents beneath its knees. Tears streamed from its eyes as it sobbed bitterly, indifferent to the snot and tears running down its face.
If it had been a woman acting so oddly, Princess Pei might have managed to tolerate it, but seeing this massive hunk of quivering fat shrieking like this sent chills down her spine.
She was suddenly startled, her face changing as she recalled who this fat man was—none other than Lu Qiu’er, the most notorious and despicable figure from Beiliang. Anyone, male or female, who fell into his hands suffered a living hell. Princess Pei instinctively took step after step back, no longer finding anything amusing, only an icy dread creeping over her skin. Li Jianshen casually dug out some earwax, unmoved.
Xu Fengnian, the true master of the scene, stepped out of the carriage, jumped down, and said in a matter-of-fact tone, “Chu Fatso, stop shouting pointlessly. Show a little decorum befitting a martial general of the third rank, won’t you?”
Chu Lushan, whose infamy far surpassed even that of the Crown Prince, remained kneeling, sobbing, “I messed up this mission so badly, I’m too ashamed to return to Beiliang and face the General!”
Xu Fengnian lightly tapped Chu Lushan’s obese cheek with the sheath of his Xiu Dong sword, grumbling, “Don’t play pitiful with me here. Save your energy for causing trouble in Xiangfan later.”
Chu Lushan’s eyes, almost invisible beneath the folds of his fat face, suddenly cracked open into a slit. As he wobbled to his feet, still hunched and not yet straightening his back, he grinned sinisterly, “Your Highness, rest assured. Let me stay a few more days in Qingzhou. I must properly ‘bless’ this Prince Jing’an!”
Then, turning toward the Crown Prince with a face that instantly transformed into a bright, harmless, and disgustingly cheerful grin, he circled around Xu Fengnian once, gently massaging the young prince’s arm, and sighed with relief, “Thank goodness, thank goodness. As long as the Your Highness is safe, it’s a blessing beyond measure. Otherwise, my crime would be unforgivable.”
Xu Fengnian softly said, “Joking aside, don’t neglect your real duties.”
The fat man, whose long arms reached past his knees and whose earlobes were as large as a Buddha’s, chuckled, “I may not be able to accomplish great feats, but I know all the little underhanded tricks by instinct.”
Princess Pei watched the two strangely contrasting men converse, appearing warm and friendly, but she had already broken into a cold sweat. Previously, all she had heard about Beiliang were secondhand tales. Even the most horrifying stories had seemed distant and unreal. But after arriving at the reed marsh, she now realized that the people from Beiliang were nearly all abnormal—there was the sword-wielding Crown Prince, the maid in black wielding a spear, the old immortal with a lamb-skin cloak who used a sword, a hundred light cavalry guards, and now this pig!
Not long ago, while still in the Prince’s mansion, Princess Pei had heard how this man, upon arriving in Qingzhou, had caused several noblewomen to suffer terrible fates. One woman had been sent back to her family alive, but reportedly had only one breast left! Another rumor told of a delicate young maiden, white-skinned and beautiful, who had been abducted into a carriage on the street. Less than half an incense stick’s time later, her disheveled corpse was thrown out at the far end of the road. Not one of Qingzhou’s officials, despite their usual habit of protecting their own, dared to speak out.
Xu Fengnian said expressionlessly, “You may go now. There’s nothing for you to do here.”
Chu Lushan looked troubled, even adopting a coy, feminine manner that made Princess Pei, who was secretly watching, feel both disgusted and terrified.
Xu Fengnian laughed and patted the genuine third-rank martial general’s cheek, teasing, “I don’t know how you managed to grow all this meat.”
Chu Lushan chuckled, his eyes catching sight of Princess Pei. Having recognized her identity, he naturally regarded her as the Crown Prince’s rightful possession. The lustful fat man’s gaze held no lewdness, only a shadow of indescribable darkness. Princess Pei nearly had her heart stop, her limbs going weak as she slipped into the carriage, too frightened to watch any longer.
Chu Lushan said with visible reluctance, “ Your Highness, shall I really leave now?”
Xu Fengnian gave a noncommittal “Hmm,” and Chu hesitated a moment before saying, “You’ve lost weight, Your Highness. I wish I could cut off some of my own fat to give to you!” With that, he left, glancing back repeatedly as he returned to his carriage, followed by a group of fierce and valiant guards.
As he passed by General Ning E’mei, he muttered, “Useless fellow. And he dares to call himself one of the Four Fang of Beiliang? Ha! Not worth a damn!”
Though Ning E’mei deeply despised the ways of this adopted son of the General, he maintained a clear distinction between private feelings and public duty. He held no contempt for Chu Lushan’s distinguished military achievements earned through years of battle during the Spring and Autumn Wars. Upon hearing this cold, biting remark, he merely smiled bitterly and offered no rebuttal. Xu Fengnian, too, paid no mind to such trivialities and returned to the carriage. It was slightly cramped inside, so he kicked away two pitiful young *kui* dragons that had crawled to his feet. Princess Pei, even more pitiful, shrank back, pressing close to Jiang Ni, who was already sitting in the corner, and offered an apologetic smile. Jiang Ni, who had never held any hostility toward beautiful women, especially if they were not on the same path as the Crown Prince, politely smiled back.
Xu Fengnian coldly said, “You two go to the other carriage. As for you, Princess Pei, you’ll clean the mess there. Don’t forget to fetch water yourself.”
Princess Pei did not quibble over the matter but instead asked, “Do you fear retribution for associating with someone like Chu Lushan?”
Xu Fengnian sat closer to Qing Niao without looking up. “Yu Youwei, go tell Ning E’mei to relay a message to Chu Lushan. Princess Pei wishes to discuss morality and virtue with him all night long.”
Princess Pei bit her lip, her eyes filled with half hatred and half fear, staring fixedly at Xu Fengnian’s profile. Yu Youwei left the carriage first. Afraid that Yu might actually send someone to stop Lu Qiu’er, Princess Pei hurriedly followed. Seeing that Yu had no real intention of throwing her into the fire, she secretly breathed a sigh of relief. But when she lifted the curtain and saw the bloodstains covering the carriage floor and smelled the overwhelming stench of blood, she froze in shock. Was she truly expected to do the work of a servant? Holding the cat Wu Meiniang, Yu Youwei, still stained with Xu Fengnian’s blood, gently said, “Everyone must do something for the first time. At least we are alive. Princess Jing’an, come along. I’ll take you to the pond.”
Xu Fengnian remained seated in silence, gently holding Qing Niao’s hand.
That night, Chu Lushan, like a small mountain seated in his carriage, narrowed his eyes into slits. In his hand was a secret report he had obtained long ago, filled densely with intelligence on Prince Jing’an’s mansion—no detail too small or insignificant. Even the secret that Prince Zhao Xun had secretly kept a mistress resembling the Princess of Jing’an was recorded, though the exact location was missing.
Chu Lushan set the report aside, folding his hands over his belly.
It would be hard to believe that this pig of a general, famous for his cruelty in the military, had once been humorously dubbed “Chu Ba Cha” by Li Yishan of the Tingchao Pavilion. This was no insult but rather a high compliment to Chu Lushan’s literary talent. Li Yishan himself had said that Chu’s thoughts were elegant and refined, skilled in composing small rhapsodies and adept at official rhymes, able to compose poetry with eight crossings of his hands. Generally, in literary circles, those with quick minds who could compose poetry in a few steps were already considered extraordinary. Yet this pig, who craved human milk, could compose poetry eight times with each crossing of his hands, and the results were not mediocre. Coming from Li Yishan’s own mouth, such praise carried no exaggeration.
Xu Fengnian had initially disbelieved it but later had no choice but to accept. Once, he had asked Chu Lushan why he hadn’t used this talent to pursue official honors. To his surprise, the fat man had smiled and replied that it would be a shame for a man to write in the voice of a woman.
Who would have thought that the most well-rounded figure in the Beiliang army, excelling both in literature and martial prowess, was none other than this infamous monster, Lu Qiu’er?
Chu Lushan lightly crossed his fingers several times, each time calling out a name.
There was Zhao Xun, the legitimate eldest son of Prince Jing’an, and several other sons. After eight crossings of his hands, not a single name was missed, not even several high-ranking officials in Qingzhou who were close to the Jing’an mansion.
Lu Qiu’er opened his eyes, grinning like a Buddha, and said, “You lot—have you all cleaned your bottoms properly yet!”
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